DS (15) keeps changing his mind and I am really tired...

[imlostseriously]

I want to give DS the best support as a mum but it is so difficult as he changes his mind A LOT. He is aware of it so he often keeps his thoughts till things get too late. For instance, he didn't tell me he was considering changing schools after GCSEs until it was too late to apply for sixth form. Luckily we managed to apply for one but then he started saying he would actually be okay to stay where he was and in fact, he thought it would be better. He sent an application form but I thought it was 'just in case' from what we discussed over the holiday.

Yesterday he suddenly said 'oh, of course, I would like to change school' when I casually brought it back. I asked him when he changed his mind again?? to which he replied 'I always thought they were pretty bad for the subjects I would like to study for a-levels so yeah I knew I should leave after GCSEs'. I had to remind him that he said he would want to stay at the current school when we discussed it over the holiday.

This is just an example and he is always like that. He is very able. He always gets recognised and even gets scouted for what he does half-heartedly. He likes to do well and would like to work hard and he can actually work hard but he changes his mind just so often, seemingly almost always at crucial moments (like now). I know teens can be like that but I think he does it too often and I start feeling really exhausted and feel like saying 'whatever!!'...

We have to give notice by the end of this term if he really is leaving otherwise we get charged the full amount for Sep-Dec (he has a scholarship so currently we pay less) but I have no confidence that he would stick to his decision. Every time he changes his mind I feel I am such a bad mum not to be able to give him the best support/guide him better...

OP, it is very common, in fact usual, for year 11 students to not know whether they want to move schools or not, and to take a while deciding. My son (in a very good state comprehensive) has 4 applications on the go - one to his current school's sixth form, one to another state comprehensive that is closer to our home, one to a grammar school in the next town, and another to a local college. I don't expect him to decide until the summer, after he has been to the induction events, and has more of an idea where his friends might be going.

I get that it might be more difficult in the private sector, with having to give notice, but your son is entitled to take his time over such an important decision.

How frustrating!

Would it be an idea to sit down and go through this together. Teach him how to make decisions. The classic is the list of pro and con. Putting all the ideas down on paper concentrates the mind. Leave it for a short while and then re-visit with a fresh mind, just to check that it was the correct decision. If he tries to change his mind again then you can wave the list in front of him!

It can be difficult if they are Able because they have every option open to them. He needs to learn how to whittle down possibilities and decide on a course of action.

First off you need to double check the ts and cs of your contract with the school. You may find that as there is a natural break between years 11 and 12 no notice is needed. There will be some kids that would want to stay but don't get the required grades for example - surely they can't be held to a terms fees?

If that is the case then give him a deadline.

If it's not - chill! Most kids don't make up their minds about 6th form till they get their results. That's why it's common in the state sector to hold several offers till results day.

My DD is doing this every two days at the moment. I suppose if you have to give notice then it is more inconvenient but honestly this is just teens. Its a big decision for them, and they find it hard to decided what would be best.

Should add that I find it hard to understand myself the difference between a levels, T levels, BTEC's etc and what they mean for uni entrance and beyond. We are even having to consider a move to an indie school as round here they seem to embrace the BTEC she has been advised by uni's to do (they prefer it to the A level.) Never thought I would be considering private education based on btec's. It is honestly a minefield.

Make a timeline showing decision days, application due dates, and note paperwork required. If he misses the day or fails to get the documents together, that's too bad.

Leave him to it. This is not your project.

If he's as able as you describe, he'll do fine wherever he ends up.

Point is OP has to pay, or forfeit, a terms notice. That makes it very much her concern!

I had your DC had some good careers guidance at school? My DD had an hour one to one with school’s career advisor recently and it helped her start to pin things down (although it’s a changeable feast still 😂)