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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Relationships with Primary Parents

21 replies

Abba123 · 18/01/2023 14:28

This is kind of off topic but it feels important to me and I’d like some perspective and hindsight, so apologies.

How do you feel that your relationships with the other parents at primary school have influenced your child’s friendships into secondary school?

Did you try to activity forge friendships with parents to forge friendships for your children? Lots of play dates and socialising etc out of school.

Did you make enemies and hate on certain children?

Did you have nothing to do with anyone?

I’m wondering if it had any lasting influence or if it all faded into nothing at secondary school.

OP posts:

itsjustnotok · 18/01/2023 14:32

I have nothing to do with secondary school parents. Primary left me with a bad taste tbh. A few were ok but largely I found most parents unwilling to accept when their kids were wrong. All kids make poor choices but you have to take responsibility. Can’t be doing with it and all the drama. Now I have little to with parents. I make sure I know where DD is and it’s ok with parents etc and we have telephone number etc. beyond that it’s down to DD to sort friendship groups.

Beamur · 18/01/2023 14:35

I generally got on with everyone. There was some cliques that I was outside of. But made no real impact on my DD other than maybe not being invited to a few things - no big deal.
DD has made a totally different circle of friends at high school and doesn't actually go to the high school most of the kids from her primary went to.
In the main high school is a fresh start. New friends, less parental involvement. DD now has friends that I barely know or have never met the parents of.
I'm still friendly acquaintances with previous school parents as I live in a small village and see them around and about.

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2023 14:37

My DD is still good friends with 2 girls from primary. She pals about with a larger group who also went to her primary, but is less keen on some of them now, despite being friendly with them in primary.

However, she has lots of new friends that she only met in secondary.

She also has friends in secondary that we knew from extracurricular activities beforehand.

It's not the same as in primary in my experience. So if your child has been labelled in primary (for whatever reason), it shouldn't follow them to secondary. They will make new friends from other primaries.

whattodo1975 · 18/01/2023 14:42

I think its nice that on day 1 of secondary they have a safety net of kids they went to primary school, after time new friendships will also form which is great.

In primary if my child is friendly with another child i make an effort to be friendly with the parents (who are all very nice).

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2023 14:43

Just wanted to add that no, I didn't actively encourage friendships outside of primary. She had the odd sleepover and playdate, but I loathe having other people's kids round and didn't make a habit of it at all.

redskydelight · 18/01/2023 15:07

My DC's main friends at secondary school didn't go to their primary school.

I would say my friendships with other parents didn't make much difference past infants school when the children made their own friends regardless of their parents.

redskydelight · 18/01/2023 15:09

redskydelight · 18/01/2023 15:07

My DC's main friends at secondary school didn't go to their primary school.

I would say my friendships with other parents didn't make much difference past infants school when the children made their own friends regardless of their parents.

I realise this is not strictly true. My DD's best friend at secondary school did go to her junior school but they didn't actually become friends until Year 10.
I didn't speak to her parents when they were in junior school.

Princesspollyyy · 18/01/2023 15:10

I didn't get involved with the cliques at primary. And this done me a massive favour. Most of the parents were the type that their child was never wrong.

My daughter went to a different secondary to her primary class and it's done her the world of good. And the best thing? No more school run!!! Whoop!!

LexMitior · 18/01/2023 15:11

It's one of the great things that makes no difference! Primary school friendships were difficult to navigate. Some mothers get far too engaged with them and it is just painful.

daemonologie · 18/01/2023 15:13

We have three school system. The kids contact each other themselves outside of school so only have very limited contact with the parents when setting meets up. We are not friends with the parents but low stress chitchat and we seem all comfortable in that

Sleepless1096 · 18/01/2023 15:16

There is a big emphasis on forging and encouraging friendships through out-of-school meet-ups at my DC's school. But done relatively inclusively - lots of whole class parties and people will post on the class WhatsApp group "We are going to this park after school/at the weekend, would anyone like to join us", alongside smaller playdates at home. And parents make an effort to invite different children each time, not just their friends' children or their child's best friend. The parents as a group seem to recognise that parties and playdates are good learning experiences in terms of interacting with other children outside a structured school environment.

Shampern · 18/01/2023 15:18

My children are all very close in age so inevitably you bump into other parents at primary school, especially at fêtes, sports days etc. I get on with pretty much anyone though do confess to a bit of steering in the "right" direction!
At secondary school I keep well out of their friendship circles but yes, quite a few of the old guard seem to keep together and look out for each other.

UncleQuentinsWife · 18/01/2023 15:31

I stopped socialising with my primary parent friends with my dc when my dd was in year three as she made her own friends at that age. So the adults I am still friends with but the children don't hang around together any more.

I don't know any of her secondary school parents.

snowtrees · 18/01/2023 15:48

My DC have loads of mates. I didn't try and influence that. I know quite a few parents but only ones I get on with and know via extra curricular clubs. At secondary I barely know their ever changing mates never mind the parents.

Hoppinggreen · 18/01/2023 15:51

I had a very close (I thought) group of Mums at Primary but the kids went to a few different Secondaries and it all sort of fizzled out apart from 1 person who I am still very close to even though the dc are now 18!
I genuinely thought the friendships would carry on but I guess they were more situational than I thought, makes me a bit sad to be honest

Original poster

Abba123 · 18/01/2023 16:24

I’m finding the responses reassuring.

I’m not good socially. I’m nice to everyone but never click with anyone. One mum absolutely loathes me. Always a play date going on, I sometimes offer over holidays. It all feels like a chore.

I feel like my eldest struggles socially so I guess I’m looking for permission to not continue to try to manage it without feeling I’m to blame if she’s a loner like me.

OP posts:

snowtrees · 18/01/2023 16:41

Most children make entirely new mates at High. Or keep some & loose some & gain some. Parents don't know each other

Comedycook · 18/01/2023 16:44

The mums at my dcs primary were some of the worst people I've ever met...bar one. My life is immeasurably better without having to see those women every day. Their horrible clique fades into nothing once the kids hit secondary school.

Sleepless1096 · 18/01/2023 18:49

Abba123 · 18/01/2023 16:24

I’m finding the responses reassuring.

I’m not good socially. I’m nice to everyone but never click with anyone. One mum absolutely loathes me. Always a play date going on, I sometimes offer over holidays. It all feels like a chore.

I feel like my eldest struggles socially so I guess I’m looking for permission to not continue to try to manage it without feeling I’m to blame if she’s a loner like me.

To go against the grain...

How old is your eldest? Personally I'd keep going with the playdates and enrol her in some out-of-school activities to increase her social confidence before senior school, when you'll have no influence whatever. This is a far easier issue to address at age 5 imo then at age 8. And also far easier to sort at age 8 then age 11, when you have no influence and can't just have a quiet word with another parent.

elliejjtiny · 18/01/2023 19:08

I live in a smallish town with 4 primary schools and one secondary school. So there are some parents/children who me and the dc have known since antenatal groups. I found that when dc got to about 3 or 4 and made their own friends there were some children that dc were friends with and I was friends with the parents but some not. Dc1 is now 16 and I don't know any of his friends parents. Dc2 is 14 and I know a few of his friends parents and am good friends with 2 of them. I made friends with a mum at dc primary school whose dc weren't friends with mine but then we both had 2 more dc each and put youngest dc ended up being friends. I go to a group for parents of children with sen so meet people through that. There is also a Facebook group for parents of dc at the secondary school so I have got to know fellow parents of disorganised dc through that as we try and find out next week's cooking ingredients and track down lost pe kit.

1forward2back · 18/01/2023 19:35

As a working mum, i never bonded with any parents at the prep really. I’m on the WhatsApp. DD’s best friend’s mum and I talk, but only ever about the girls meeting up etc.

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