DD yr 8 needing stretch - how to approach?

[SaltyBySea]

DD is 13 and in yr 8.

She's an all rounder, fairly sporty and in teams both in and out of school, but also keen on reading, and enjoys academic work. She's not so comfortable socially and I think has some potential asd traits that make friendships tricky and anxiety provoking.

She is the kind of DC that school have absolutely no concerns about. She works well, takes responsibility, gets good marks, volunteers to help etc. They say she presents as happy and relaxed around school.

However, she tells me she is unhappy. She resents a lot of the low level disruption that happens in most lessons, she finds others in a lot of lessons to be disinterested or much less able to grasp the concepts, so spends a lot of time waiting for them to be settled or to focus, and a lot of time is spent getting points she's already understood across to others. She finishes work quickly and isn't given enough additionally to be working on while others catch up. She's often asked by others in class to explain/help/share answers or talked to as they have no intention of doing their set task and see she's not engaged. She doesn't feel challenged or stretched and is basically bored and getting resentful.

I don't really know where to go from here. I understand the school does offer more able students extensions to their GCSE options, but that feels a long way off. The school don't set for subjects like English (that DD would absolutely love to be with DC similar to her who love reading etc) until year 10. Other local schools are broadly similar or have less good academic reputations, plus the risks to her fairly fledgling and fragile social circle would be huge. Private education is categorically not an option, though I suspect she would thrive.

Any hints/tips? Any thoughts on how school could potentially help? What do other schools do? What I could ask for? I appreciate all schools and teachers are overwhelmed with need and pressure at the moment and I feel this is never going to be a priority for them.

I think she'd really enjoy a summer school or outreach programme, such as unis do for 6th formers, but now. Are there such things for younger children?

I'd love to keep her love of learning and her motivation to do well and help her feel more engaged if I can.

I'd start by contacting her form teacher / tutor and telling him/her this is what your DD is reporting and asking for general guidance. You may find the tutor is willing to email her teachers out giving them a nudge she needs more stretch.

Hi - we've had a bit of this. it's hard, to hear (particularly the disruption bit) but you should tell the school that she's finding it hard to concentrate and demoralising - and ask them how they're handling more able learners in non-set English classes. They should have a plan.

Some things we've done include asking for a reading list for more able children, plus a list of books to 'read round' the topic they are doing in English (eg my Year 9 who is also not set for English has been doing gothic horror - she's read Rebecca, Frankenstein and Dracula as well as the extracts everyone else is working on, and has also been working on some modern gothic - and they sent links to critical essays which were a bit beyond her but I appreciate them trying).

Also asking if there's a reading group or book club for those more interested in English or if they are willing to set one up - perhaps across year groups. The school librarian might be a good person to talk to.

Other places for stretch/meeting likeminded kids include music clubs if she's musical (is there an orchestra/band/choir) or a debate club - scary but good stretch - or DD's school also has a history club which suits those like her who are obsessed with the Tudors.

There are summer schools - DD enjoyed some creative writing ones when they were online but there are probably ones near you that are in-person too - we used Inkhead - but nowadays she really only does music ones which give her stretch in a different way. But local bookshops and libraries might be good places to ask about what's available locally.

Good luck!

Thanks so much for the replies and ideas.

Will go through all of them. Have contacted various people at school and started a few conversations. It is difficult as I think staff are under so much pressure and I don't want to add to it or for them to feel criticised etc, and I appreciate it's a nice problem to have when compared to some of the issues they're balancing. I know a lot of the behavioural issues come from DC with a lot of disadvantages and social problems and I want to support the teachers and their attempts to keep them in school etc, bit it's hard when it's making my child unhappy.

I think part of the issue with English is the teacher she's meant to have has been off long term since Sept but has come back on a couple of occasions for a day or so, so I imagine school can't put someone more fixed in place etc. This means there's not a lot of consistency or feedback, which would definitely help DD. Added to the mixed ability and disruption, it's made it trickier. I will try to find out more about reading lists etc - good idea! She is a member of the local library book group and reads voraciously, but I will definitely try to tie it in to school more.

If a school chooses to teach mixed ability, then it needs to ensure it caters to all the abilities it has in the classroom.
Low level disruption will occur whenever and again it is up to the school to manage it appropriately.

I experienced school much as your dd is describing - dull at times, low level disruption, ‘sets’ either just absent or upper/lower from gcse onwards, social challenges. My GCSE Science ‘upper’ class had all those expected to get grade c and above (pre the 1-9 system)…so very different from being properly set. I have those in the generations above and below me with ASD and definitely have strong traits.
However, I think the suggestions above are good and may make some difference. I would really encourage going to clubs on offer to try to meet others and gain some interest in the day. Also doing as much outside school that is stimulating and fun as possible.
Also, I totally understand that private doesn’t seem an option, it may just not be, but have you considered applying to any local ones with bursaries? Your dd could try for scholarships as well, e.g. for sports or her other strengths. After my school experience my younger sister (didn’t go to secondary til I was 6th form age) went to a local private co-Ed day school with a bursary. She was not on any kind of scholarship and bright but not a high flyer of any type. My older ds is at private school and has two boys in his class on bursaries paying the vast majority of the fees in one case and 2/3 in the other. In the second case the child moved from a state school where it sounds like they were in a relatively similar position to your dd. The school is selectively but not highly selective and is pastorally strong. Worth considering if only so you know you thought about all the options. We are lucky enough to be able to pay the fees, but I recognise many parents don’t have that option.
sending hugs and strength to you and your dd

Have a look at the online debating, creative writing, book clubs, Shakespeare etc here - I can highly recommend it. www.p4he.org/

Thank you, some really good leads here will go through them all. @HighRopes that site looks really good, tricky they're all during the school day!

Thank for sharing @RedPanda2022 . The private school thing is multi factor but we don't have a great selection locally, and they're so expensive. The best offer of bursary amount seems to be 30% fees (which seem to average £5k/term) and one school says household income needs to be below 50k to apply which counts us out. We have 3dc and wouldn't want to do something for 1 that we couldn't offer in future for the others if required, nor that meant the others had to stop activities etc to prioritise one sibling. I already do extra hours at work to lay for additional things like music and school trips, so just can't make significant additional outlay a thing.

DD is already doing quite a lot out of school (music, dance, guides etc) as she's always been keen to try new things and join in, so I feel anxious about trying to do more in evenings and at weekends when she's effectively treading water in the school day. Ideally I want to make that time better and more worthwhile for her. @TeenDivided I completely agree with you but it's that I don't know what to say/do/check/change to make that her experience.

Tutor,

I'm concerned about DD, she tells me she is unhappy at school.

There are some things you may not be able to help with such as her social skills and her reports of low level disruption in a number of classes. However there is one issue that I hope you can advise on.

DD reports that because most lessons are mixed ability she gets quickly bored with explanations from the teacher as she 'gets' it the first time, and then gets her work and 'additional stretch' work done too. She says she feels she still isn't being stretched or challenged in many lessons. This is particularly the case in X, Y and Z, and she reports that A & B are better because ...

Are you able to contact her teachers to check that my DD is reporting to me accurately and to make them aware and find ways to resolve this? I am thinking perhaps either further 'stretch' work might need to be provided, or maybe a folder of things she can work through by herself?

I realise that teachers have a class of 30, but I am concerned DD is becoming switched off and resentful which I'm sure none of us want.

Many Thanks

@SaltyBySea There are some in the evenings - my dd does them. Certainly debate, book club and philosophy, maybe more. Try emailing them, and I’m sure they’ll send you the list. Though I appreciate what you’d like is for her to not fill up her evenings more, but to have it via school - we were in a similar position a few years ago. But this at least meant she had a peer group where she felt accepted.

Is homeschooling an option?

I work in a school and all work has to be differentiated. So the teacher should be able to give tasks to stretch your daughter. As well as adapt for less able.
Whether that happens in practice (particularly if she has cover) is another thing!
I would Google reading lists for more able readers and make it something you both do and chat about.
You could also speak to senco regarding the disruption. I would flag it. Especially in light of her traits. Remember that sort of thing is picked up if ofsted come in.

I think this is an excellent approach; I work in pastoral support in a school and this kind of tone from a parent is exactly the attitude which is we can work with. I would recommend tackling it from this angle.

Sorry, that is in response to @TeenDivided

My dd was the same at school, she struggled with others being disruptive or taking longer than her to understand things. It resulted in her getting a low grade on one of her GCSE’s as the rest of the class were so disruptive that the whole class was behind on work (with covid thrown in there too), she was offered extra tutoring alone but it was offered too late. She has done ok though, she’s not at uni where there are no disruptive people and learning is very different.

I absolutely wouldn't start an email to school like this. It puts the emphasis on your DD's social skills by opening with it and I'm 90% sure that any future attempt to engage with the school will result in you being told it's because your DD has problems with her social skills. Also, it's absolutely up to the school to deal with low level disruption in class.

OK miss out that paragraph or put it later.

I think I included it because I would expect the tutor to chat with the DD and if she starts of with saying no friends and the classroom is noisy and they haven't been mentioned then it makes the OP look like she has jumped into the 'my child is too bright' view.

Although obviously it is up to schools to deal with LLD, but I wouldn't expect a form tutor to be saying in effect to other teachers 'you aren't controlling your class well enough'. Plus the DD's ASD traits may mean she is more sensitive to noise than most.

However I take the point that it may misdirect the tutor from the point in hand.