Choosing a secondary school following bullying in primary school?

[karazeb]

We have been talking to DD about secondary school choices. Up until quite recently, I would have been very much inclined to let her choose the school that she was most comfortable with. However, for the past year she has experienced bullying from the group of kids in primary school that she would have considered as her closest friends. There are 2 options for secondary school, and DD is keen to go to school 1 which the vast majority of the kids from her class will be going to. She still considers the bullies to be her friend group - it's a very small primary school so there's no avoiding these kids anyway. She makes excuses for their behaviour as she doesn't want to feel excluded from the group, but quite honestly the group dynamic is becoming toxic and DD seems to be the target of most of the nastiness. I've seen her change from being a happy, bubbly child who was always keen to meet up with her friends outside of school, to a situation where she now holds back from them to judge what kind of reception she will get - it's heartbreaking to watch.

School 1 is the more local and small secondary school and we feel that DD would have quite a small group of friends to choose from, so the potential for this group of kids from her primary school to interfere with any new friendships is a big worry. DH and I are strongly in favour of school 2, which is about 10 minutes further to travel to but is a much bigger school with good facilities and we found the principal and vice-principal to be very approachable. We're feeling very conflicted though as we worry that, if DD struggles to make friends at the bigger school, she will blame us for pushing her into that decision. But on the other hand we feel that she desperately needs a chance to mix with a wider group of kids, and to find out what a healthy friendship can be like. DD has rightly pointed out to us that school 1, despite being small, is in many ways a more progressive school and actually has a broader range of subjects available (although fewer extra-curricular activities than school 2) - this is making it even harder to persuade her towards school 2. I'm feeling very conflicted at the moment - are we doing the right thing to be influencing DD's choice of school ?

Is she still y5? (Checking as in England at least you have to stick your form in by 31 Oct of y6).

Personally I don't think most 10yos are best placed to make decisions as big as schooling.

When you say 'big' and 'small' what size are you meaning? A smaller school may claim to offer a wide choice of subjects but you may find they then don't run for GCSE due to not enough uptake.

DD was at a 9 form entry school. In y7 they split the year into thirds. In y8 into halves. In a larger school you could ask your DD be placed in the opposite side of the year if needed.

I'd stick to the line you will listen to her views but the ultimate decision is yours, and see how the rest of y5 goes.

Sorry, I should have explained that we're not in England (I'm from England but we moved abroad) - decision on secondary schools need to be made this month for DD starting in Sept of this year. I know we're fortunate that we actually have a choice of schools, as I realise that many parents in England are in a situation where there is no real choice. DD is 11, and I agree that it's too young really for a child to make a fully informed decision themselves. On one hand I feel quite sad about the idea of telling her that she can't go to the school that she prefers because of concerns about the dynamic with this group of kids from her primary school, but on the other hand I genuinely feel that the larger school would be a more positive experience for her.

The small school has a yearly intake of around 50, about 14 of whom would be coming from her primary school. The larger school takes in more than double that and is situated on much larger grounds. You make a good point about the subject choices possibly dwindling in the exam years, as I do recall the principal of the smaller school saying that the range of subjects on offer can be fluid depending on demand (which thinking about it now probably means that they can't run all the subjects each year).

Wow. 50 per year sounds positively miniscule.
It's obviously hard as I don't know your system, but I'd go for the larger school. Too much chance issues from primary will move with her to secondary I would have thought.

50 intake is tiny, here that would be 2 classes. For comparison Ds2 was in a school with 10 forms, most of them has 30 pupils but then 2 smaller classes of 27 each for those who need more support. The school is divided in half so some of his friends are from the other side of the year group.

I would choose the second school based on possible friendships from extra curricular activities and size plus the availability of subjects later on which may or may not run. As friendships are an issue now are there any clubs she could join now that may help her see what good friends are?

Both my children went to a secondary that none of their friends did and no one from their primary went to either. They both made friends in the first few weeks and still have those friends. My eldest son is at university with some of them.

Op I agree with @TeenDivided a secondary school with 50 students is tiny. In fact I've never come across one in England. Average in England is 200+ in a year. I would be really worried about the viability of a school with just 250 pupils, and its educational offering would have to be limited so I would go for the bigger school tbh.

With 50 students in a year, obvs! Still tiny.

You are right to be more concerned about effects of bullying in the smaller school. It will be more difficult to avoid any bullies (which EVERY school has) in a year group that size.
In the bigger year group she will be able to find her tribe

I’d be tempted to go bigger in this situation. Just because there is more chance of finding friendships that will stick. Also, the more extra curricular activities is a positive as kids often “find their tribe” by sharing similar interests.

Thanks everyone, it's been very helpful to get some independent view points, and has bolstered my resolve to help her make the best decision. I had another chat with DD this evening and I can see that she's wavering slightly - I suspect maybe she feels herself that the larger school is the better fit for her, but she's been afraid to against the grain. Fingers crossed we can persuade her in the right direction and help her to feel positive about the decision 🤞

50 way too small

Yeah, that's been my gut feeling too.

catclimbedtree - yes, we're planning on organising for her to join one or two clubs closer to the area that the larger school is in - hopefully it could be a good way for her to meet children of her own age who may also be going to that school

High school is when they move on, make new mates and become new people in many ways. Hard to do when almost 1/3 of 50 are your current class