My teenage child

Strugglingmum83 · 2022-12-13T00:21:13+00:00

Hello I have been struggling getting my teenage son to go to school I have already been issued a fine and now they are threating me with court I try and get him up every morning but he dosent want to get up he goes to bed between 9.30 and 10pm this is hes 3rd school in a year I had to move him because of bullying now he refuses to go or even interact with teachers when they come round I have taken stuff away from him but then all he does is sleep I booked him in for a blood test he refuses to even go we are waiting assements for children's mental health services but there is a long waiting list I don't know what to do anymore he hasn't been to school for two months 😪

purpleme12 · 13/12/2022 00:24

God I hate that they issue fines when parents are doing their best.
I'm not at this stage with mine but I really hope people can help you on here.
The whole fine and court thing is so wrong

Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 00:32

Thanks my child didn't suffer with the fine I did I have told my child I could go to prison he said unless he hears it from a priminster he doesn't believe it he's dad wants full custody of him but my son said he will run away where no one can find him
Him and he's dad don't get on

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StarCourt · 13/12/2022 00:37

i feel for you its very hard

shinyshoes5566 · 13/12/2022 01:25

Punishments don't help with mental health issues - this is an outdated approach. Try helping instead of punishing? Maybe the school could use that approach too!

Valhalla17 · 13/12/2022 01:29

How old?
He needs to get to school OP. What are the things he actually likes doing, or liked before he fell into these difficulties? I would try and use those things as Rewards for example and to get some interest back in life. He must be very depressed.
Does he have any friends at school?

dolor · 13/12/2022 02:06

If he's being bullied I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to go to school.

Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 02:32

I have tried other things I suffer with mental health issues my self I have had depression since I was 15 bit these are the resection the schools and step before social services have asked me to put in place but to be honest he connects better with people on line then in person so I would rather him get out of bed and move then spend all day in bed when I take hes gadgets away its hard

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Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 02:36

Valhalla17 · 13/12/2022 01:29

How old?
He needs to get to school OP. What are the things he actually likes doing, or liked before he fell into these difficulties? I would try and use those things as Rewards for example and to get some interest back in life. He must be very depressed.
Does he have any friends at school?

He is 14 he done kick boxing for 3 years and did enjoy it but got bored coz covid happened and he couldn't do it I did ask him if he wanted to do it again but he said no he done football for a year and enjoys football but because of hes behaviour he got kicked out the team he done boxing and then didn't want to go I did say about joining the army cadets but he said no x

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Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 02:39

dolor · 13/12/2022 02:06

If he's being bullied I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to go to school.

He has had issues but when he said about the previous schools he told me and he has had issues at the new school but the school have delt with it with what they can in school and I have spoken to the boys dad about another incident that happened at Halloween when kids was off but when I spoke to my son he said it didn't bother him with this other boy x

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Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 02:41

Sorry I'm new to this site so trying to get to grips with it x

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Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 13/12/2022 02:46

It seems to have gotten worse since covid and he wasn't attending school view the links my son has always been strong minded and if he don't want to do something he won't he can't control hes anger and lashes out I have rung the police on him when he has attacked me and got the parenting program involved to help but he just refuses to go to school

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Tabitha888 · 13/12/2022 03:02

Oh bless you, sending love op i hope he gets the help needed xx

Geville · 14/12/2022 21:43

Home school maybe? Could he be referred to CAHMS? Sounds like he needs help with mental health. Bullying can dent your self-esteem so badly. He needs a mentor - someone to help him believe in himself and start afresh, even if bullies continue on. He may be neurodiverse - ND and need an assessment. Definitely ask for referral to CAHMS and see what can be done.

You could go to the police and ask for them to arrange a 'friendly' visit when your DS is there and let them speak to him directly and then he'll know you're not making it up. Ask the police for their support. Do you have a local police station you could go into to ask for help? But do try and get mental health help. He's got no relationship with his Dad, you are probably quite down without meaning to be - he hasn't got a lot of great role models to lift him up.

Original poster

Strugglingmum83 · 15/12/2022 02:11

Geville · 14/12/2022 21:43

Home school maybe? Could he be referred to CAHMS? Sounds like he needs help with mental health. Bullying can dent your self-esteem so badly. He needs a mentor - someone to help him believe in himself and start afresh, even if bullies continue on. He may be neurodiverse - ND and need an assessment. Definitely ask for referral to CAHMS and see what can be done.

You could go to the police and ask for them to arrange a 'friendly' visit when your DS is there and let them speak to him directly and then he'll know you're not making it up. Ask the police for their support. Do you have a local police station you could go into to ask for help? But do try and get mental health help. He's got no relationship with his Dad, you are probably quite down without meaning to be - he hasn't got a lot of great role models to lift him up.

He has been accepted with cahms but there is a long waiting list due to covid I got help involved not social services but the step before social services to help with him hes school have agreed to a reduced timetable today home learning is not a option as I work and know he won't do it and if I tell him to do something he dosent want to do and force it he becomes violent I have had the police out to him before and he ended up staying at a familys house for the night tbh there is not much I can do until cahms is involved and they can assess him x

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MadamMadness · 16/12/2022 17:57

Dear Struggling Mum
Your son has a mental illness. I wish I could tell you what to call it, but I'm not a medical professional. The best place to start getting him help is your family doctor (GP). If your son cannot attend in person, I advise you to request an online or phone appointment. Discuss the issue with the receptionist at the GP. Once seen, the GP will then probably refer him to specialists in mental health. These specialists are good people and will but able to help him but, as you have already found out, queues are long and service is slow. DO NOT GIVE UP. Do keep contacting his GP to give them updates, particularly if his symptoms worsen whilst you queue. The queues are based on need and not first come, first served.
Please write to his school explaining he is ill and unable to attend in person. "Remind" the school that it is their LEGAL DUTY to provide your son with an education. Advise them you are now expecting them to send school work home for him to do, as he is too ill to attend school in person. (Note that, if they fail to educate your son, you can pass the matter to a lawyer.) Also, send a copy of your letter to the local authority who sent you the fine; a cruel fine you should never have paid.
It is your responsibility to see that your son receives an education. You placed him in a local school. You have exhausted your ability to get him to attend. Now his school needs to work WITH you and find other ways to continue his education whilst he is ill.
My personal advice is... do not take him out of school to homeschool him. You will greatly benefit from the assistance and wisdom of the school and local authority to continue his education.
God Bless You. God Give You Strength. And may your son do better than mine did under the same circumstance.
Also, it will all come out alright in the end. 😁