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Secondary education

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Original poster

How many detentions is normal/average?

31 replies

elliejjtiny · 02/12/2022 14:38

DC1 had 2 level 1 detentions (for homework being late) while he was at secondary school and dc2 has had 1 so far for having an autistic meltdown in class and throwing a sponge (now in year 10). But dc3 has now had 5 detentions already and he is only in his first term of year 7. They are all level 1 detentions (10 mins at break time). He has adhd and struggles to think before he acts and gets easily distracted. Not sure if dc3 is really struggling or if dc3 is normal and my older 2 are perfect.

OP posts:
sheepdogdelight · 02/12/2022 14:52

It depends on the school. Some schools give them out like confetti; at other schools they are reserved for more serious infractions.

DC's school only gives after school detentions (no time at break for detentions then) and they tend to be for more serious things. So most DC will go through school without getting any.

KindergartenKop · 02/12/2022 19:04

It also depends on the class really. If the class is generally manageable then there'll be fewer detentions given out because they self regulate their behaviour. If they're a bit wilder one has to come down on everyone like a ton of bricks.

fannyfartlet · 02/12/2022 19:50

Eldest two went all the way through 7-11 with no detentions. Middle one now in Y11 has had 2 and youngest in Y8 has also had 2 so far.

Whycanineverever · 02/12/2022 19:52

DD1 Y11 none.

DD2 Y7 - 1 level one. Tbf she is dyspraxic and forgetful / disorganised so I do expect she will accumulate a number over her school career.

overgrowngrass · 02/12/2022 19:55

DS has ADHD and gets them frequently.

Chiwawa · 02/12/2022 21:31

My DS also has adhd and has frequent detentions. Talking to friends of my kids, the ones with adhd get loads of them. Our school dishes them out a lot. Not having a blazer on at all times, asking the time, asking questions, being “disengaged”, the list is endless.

neverendinglauaundry · 02/12/2022 21:44

DSs school publishes what the average is, I think it's around 15 a year there, (they give them out at the drop of a hat, poor homework, forgot ruler etc etc)
DDs school doesn't tell you the average, but I think it's a lot lower, maybe 1 a year, she's never had one.

OhamIreally · 03/12/2022 09:15

DD has ADHD and had quite a lot in year 7. The school only does after school detention and they are given out for any number of infractions.
This year she's had none so far and is much more determined to avoid them. It's surprised me as I privately thought the school was overly draconian, but it's definitely instilled a greater sense of personal responsibility in DD.

Zib · 03/12/2022 09:20

Dc1 - quite a few, but he's now a sensible and steady-headed chap
Dc2 - zero. Not even a uniform point.
Dc3 - only in Y7 but lives in fear of getting a detention or behaviour point. I imagine that if it happens it will be very distressing for her.

noblegiraffe · 03/12/2022 09:52

Unfortunately, a child with ADHD is more likely to struggle to meet school behaviour expectations than one without ADHD. What has been put in place to help him manage the things that he is getting detentions for?

Original poster
elliejjtiny · 04/12/2022 16:58

Thankyou. I've had a really useful talk with his TA and she is going to put in some more support for dc3 after Christmas. She is also going to ask the teachers to email me with details when they give dc3 a detention because a lot of the time he doesn't seem to know. She also told me that dc3 is doing really well all things considered and that although she can't name names there are a lot of children in his class getting way more detentions than dc3. Which was reassuring.

OP posts:
formulatingAresponse · 04/12/2022 17:09

Just let get the school get on with their behaviour management

There is nothing worse than a parent undermining all their hard work

I'm sure your DC is precious but .,.

JustKeepBuilding · 04/12/2022 18:17

Wanting to support your DC with (presumably significant since he has a TA) SEN isn’t unreasonable and doesn’t undermine the school.

OP, if DC3 is getting detentions for things that are a result of his disability I would speak to the SENCO so more support can be put in place and DS isn’t punished for things that are the result of his disability.

Feetache · 04/12/2022 23:45

Schools vary massively. DD has had more this year despite ADHD meds. But two off one teacher who didn't know she had adhd so no allowance

TizerorFizz · 05/12/2022 08:54

@Chiwawa
I would move your child from this bootcamp school if you can. Did you know it was like this? It’s an overbearing and bullying atmosphere.

OP. Schools ramp up behaviour expectations these days. TA could and should help. So should SENDCO. I would also be worried about other dc getting more. This won’t help him. It’s also a ludicrous policy that is not working. DC seem to ignore it and don’t care about their behaviour. School probably tries to offload DC as well. Do work with the school but the teachers are probably being discriminatory.

Chiwawa · 05/12/2022 09:25

TizerorFizz · 05/12/2022 08:54

@Chiwawa
I would move your child from this bootcamp school if you can. Did you know it was like this? It’s an overbearing and bullying atmosphere.

OP. Schools ramp up behaviour expectations these days. TA could and should help. So should SENDCO. I would also be worried about other dc getting more. This won’t help him. It’s also a ludicrous policy that is not working. DC seem to ignore it and don’t care about their behaviour. School probably tries to offload DC as well. Do work with the school but the teachers are probably being discriminatory.

Unfortunately, no I didn’t realise the school was like this because my older, non adhd child had never had problems (funny that). You are completely right though, it doesn’t work and some of the teachers are just power crazy bullies (most are lovely, sadly the ones in some senior positions seem to be the worst) who seem to think detentions will cure adhd. I’d move him in a heartbeat but he’s remarkably resilient and doesn’t want to go and it seems that most schools now also have this obsession with zero tolerance rules so there doesn’t seem to be any realistic alternative :(

IndigoViolin · 05/12/2022 09:33

Dc1, with perfect attendance, punctuality, homework and attitude to learning, jumped straight in with an internal exclusion for fighting (despite not actually hitting anyone) or as the head of year put it; "getting involved when they didn't need to" for helping a friend who was being attacked by a bully with a history of being kicked out of every lesson and more detentions than he can count.

Dc1's belief in the school system and authority in general is now at a low. But the school ticked all their boxes and can say they don't tolerate physical violence. And the bully remains free to roam the school.

123woop · 05/12/2022 09:38

A lot of kids I know get a detention every day 😬

Chiwawa · 05/12/2022 09:51

“with a history of being kicked out of every lesson and more detentions than he can count.”

This upsets me a great deal as a parent because I’m sure that’s how people describe my son who has had a horrible time at school. Before you judge you should try to be a bit more tolerant of other families because you don’t know the hell that they are going through which can be made even worse by feeling their child is viewed by other people like that.

Think yourself lucky you have a perfect child, but don’t be under any illusions that they are like that all the time. My son had problems with a golden child like this who socially isolating him by telling other kids to stay away from him as he “had been suspended loads of times” (not true) and who provoked him, pushed him over (out of sight of the teachers) and goaded him verbally. I’m sure his behaviour record is practically perfect though. Bullying can come in lots of different formats.

saraclara · 05/12/2022 09:52

It depends on the school. Some schools give them out like confetti; at other schools they are reserved for more serious infractions.

Yep. Neither of my kids every had one, but that was before the bootcamp style schools started appearing. My perfectionist eldest would have lived in fear had she attended one of the confetti schools. Genuinely, she'd be terrified of getting one, and that's NOT a good thing. Her anxiety would be through the roof.

Notanotherone6 · 05/12/2022 10:08

My kids' school hands them out like sweets, for really petty things. Eldest was there 5 years and didn't get any. Year 10 child had one (that I got her out of) for being late by 2 minutes. Year 8 child had one for leaving her planner on her bed. That's all.

I've seen kids who get 5 a week though.

IndigoViolin · 05/12/2022 10:29

Chiwawa · 05/12/2022 09:51

“with a history of being kicked out of every lesson and more detentions than he can count.”

This upsets me a great deal as a parent because I’m sure that’s how people describe my son who has had a horrible time at school. Before you judge you should try to be a bit more tolerant of other families because you don’t know the hell that they are going through which can be made even worse by feeling their child is viewed by other people like that.

Think yourself lucky you have a perfect child, but don’t be under any illusions that they are like that all the time. My son had problems with a golden child like this who socially isolating him by telling other kids to stay away from him as he “had been suspended loads of times” (not true) and who provoked him, pushed him over (out of sight of the teachers) and goaded him verbally. I’m sure his behaviour record is practically perfect though. Bullying can come in lots of different formats.

My children should not have to be tolerant of children who try to attack them every day. Would you go into the office each day and just put up with a colleague throwing things at you, hitting you and behaving so terribly you can't focus on your job, and all management will say is "well they've got stuff going on at home"? We all have stuff going on at home.

PicturesOfDogs · 05/12/2022 10:32

Depends on the school.
At DS last school he literally had one daily.
He’s not had a single one since being at his new school.
They prided themselves on being no nonsense and rigid and handed them out like sweets.
Became meaningless after a while

Chiwawa · 05/12/2022 10:48

IndigoViolin · 05/12/2022 10:29

My children should not have to be tolerant of children who try to attack them every day. Would you go into the office each day and just put up with a colleague throwing things at you, hitting you and behaving so terribly you can't focus on your job, and all management will say is "well they've got stuff going on at home"? We all have stuff going on at home.

Show quote history

I think you are exaggerating. If your Dc had an internal exclusion for “not” fighting, they aren’t going to allow another child to “roam the school” hitting and throwing things around and trying to attack other children on a daily basis.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 05/12/2022 10:59

Schools that just give out detentions with nothing else in place aren't good schools. If there is proper oversight, a high number of detentions in a short space of time is recognised as an indicator that a child isn't coping and needs additional support. Whether that is behavioural support, undiagnosed SEN being identified, or new strategies for a student diagnosed with SEN when the current ones aren't working.

In fact, that sounds like what has happened here. Your DS isn't doing the things he needs to do to succeed, this has been recognised (by you) and you are working with the school to put in place appropriate support so that he can do what he needs and therefore will succeed academically. Having lower standards for students with SEN isn't okay imo - schools need to ensure that the child is properly supported to meet the higher standard. It isn't great that it took you getting in touch with them, though.