How to get it into your child’s head to stop missing the bus!

[ChildMissedTheBusAGAIN]

Not sure whether this should go in schools, parenting or AIBU. So I’m putting it here because also interested if anyone else has had this problem and what you did about it.

DS (year 8) missed the bus again today.
This is getting on my nerves.
He managed all of year 7 only missing the bus twice and those were genuine reasons.
Since September he has “missed” the bus about 6 times. I would say only one was genuine.

They finish school at 3:20pm and the bus is 3:33pm. They should get home at 4:15pm ish. School is a 15 minute car drive away.

He just rang me (3:35pm) to say he missed the bus and needs a lift. This is the7th time since September, the 2nd time this week!

My year 11 DD manages to catch the bus with no problems. I just rang her and she said he was no where to be seen at the bus stop.

So I’ve told him I can’t and he’ll have to catch the next bus, he tried to argue but I put the phone down. He rang back and complained but I said no catch the next one, put the phone down and he hasn’t rang back.

The next bus doesn’t turn up until 5:03pm so now I’m feeling slightly bad about it.

Betcha he won't miss it tomorrow...
Yanbu to stay home op.

Having to walk home or take the next bus is why most people would rush for the bus and I think it's an appropriate consequence of his actions. I know it's crap but hopefully it's not going to happen again.

Why is he missing the bus?

If he managed before without missing it, then he’s probably just decided he can’t be bothered to rush or enjoys getting a lift home. You putting your foot down and telling him to get the next one will show him that he needs to sort himself out if he wants to get home in good time. Bet he won’t miss it tomorrow!

I know I needed to do something to get him not to miss it. Which I why I put my foot down today. I just can’t stop thinking of him standing there in the cold.

I don’t know why he’s missing it. I have asked several times and get a shrug, or teacher let us out late, a teacher was talking to me in the corridor, or I needed to use the toilet then it was too late, or I walked too slow. Theres no pattern to it, I’ve let a couple of them go (probably too many of them) and the one about the teacher in the corridor was true because I confirmed it with school. I really need to put my foot down and get an answer out of him on the reason he’s missing it and sort this out.

Could he be being bullied by someone getting the bus? I guess not, if his sister is on it, she'd know?

Yep, wait for the next, or walk.

I remember in year 7 missing the bus.

6 mile walk in cold, icy, February, never did it again, still, just about, have all my toes.

I also wondered this, is he staying later in school to avoid someone?

You absolutely did the right thing. Your child needs to understand their actions have consequences. I think you did great.

Seems you have a DS who likes to go home by car.

He'll make the early bus when the taxi service shuts down.

My 13 year old has forgotten his keys a couple of times recently. It is close to freezing here in the evening. In the lucky event either parent can leave work early it is still going to take us 45-60 minutes to get home. I advised him he'll be warmer if he goes for a walk rather than standing around.

I just can’t stop thinking of him standing there in the cold.

He doesn't need to stand there in the cold, he can start walking. How far is it to walk home and is it reasonably safe? A 15 minute car journey (if you're in a town) is probably not that far.

I'd check in with him and his sister that things are ok on the bus, no one's picking on him or anything, but if it's just that he doesn't fancy getting the bus, or he can't be bothered being at the stop on time, then he'd be walking home!

3.20 finish gives him 13 minutes to reach the stop - how far from the school is it? I would find out from his HOY whether he is having ten-minute detentions from any of his teachers that he hasn't told you about (they neither need 24 hours' notice nor parental consent for these). In this weather I'd have gone and got him, grabbed a hot choc somewhere and had a 1-1 to find out what's going on.

I text him just after I posted my last post telling be him to make sure he was keeping warm. He text back ‘gone to coffee shop, I’m warm enough’. So I text him back ‘DO NOT miss the next bus’.

In just heard from him that he has managed to catch this one, which is good because otherwise I really would have to pick him up because the next one is 6:33pm.

He really can’t walk home. Even if he had a big yellow fluorescent jacket there’s no way he’s walking. Even I wouldn’t do it. We’re rural. School is 10 miles away. The walk to the edge of town would be fine but then he would have to walk several miles along the counties major A road which has no pavements or street lighting. Alternative is the country lanes. Which would be ok at a quiet time of the day in summer, but a big no in winter. It’s just not safe. Otherwise I think I would have said to start walking.

If it really is just the case of wanting to be in the car, hopefully this will sort that out.

If ‘gone to coffee shop’ means he’s missed the bus to see some friends he’ll be in trouble. I haven’t a problem if that’s what he wants to do but letting me know he’s going to catch the later bus so he can see friends needs to happen first rather than lying about the bus.

After reading some of the suggestions about bullying/avoiding someone I had a chat with DD. There doesn’t seem to be any problem on the bus that she’s seen and she hasn’t seen or heard anything around school. But they’re different year groups so she isn’t going to know everything that’s going on in his. This doesn’t mean something isn’t going on so will approach the subject later on.

Hoping there will be no arguments when DS gets in.

Bus stop isn’t that far from school, about 5 minutes.

Thanks for the suggestion @SequinsandStilettos. I’ll ask about detentions.
1-1 sounds good if this happens again for no good reason.

Dbro used to regularly miss the bus into school at that age. When he missed it dm drove him in (10 miles away so not a trivial journey).
Then one day she was driving him in and she saw another school bus, not the one he normally got, but the same company, stopping in front of her. She stopped the car, jumped out and asked the driver if he'd space to take dbro. he said no problem, any time.
He did, so the next time she just drove him to that stop and told Dbro to get that one.
He never missed it again after that.

I suspect youi've solved it by telling him to wait.

If it's not bullying or being held back by school, could he be nipping into the shop for sweets or snacks first? My eldest used to do this and it was only when he started putting on weight that we made the connection with missing the bus. Hopefully this will teach him to make the first bus in future.

My child managed to catch the bus today. Long may this continue.

He said he wasn’t getting detentions - I checked with school/form teacher, he’s not. So that’s a good thing.

He said he wasn’t being bullied - I can’t really confirm this but asked the form teacher how he was getting on in general and no concerns so I’ll take that as no bullying incidents, or at least none that are known.

We approached the friends issue - I suspect this may be the culprit, and he knows I suspect it, as he mentioned some friends usually hang about with him when he misses the bus until I can pick him up and he really liked yesterday when two of his friends came with him to the coffee shop. I wanted to really dig at this to figure out the truth and whether he has been lying to me and deliberately missing the bus because he would have been in so much trouble.
But I didn’t as I didn’t think this would solve any problems. Instead we just had a discussion about how he’s fine to meet with friends and get the later bus home as long as he asks me/dad and it’s agreed in advance so we know when to expect him home.
Funnily, he asked me earlier if he could get the later bus next week on Friday so he could go into town with his friends. Hmmmmm. I said yes, on the condition he manages to not miss the bus between now and then.

As we seem to have mastered the idea of catching the bus on time and asking to catch the later bus I think both DS and me know what’s being going on but lessons have been learned.

When we first moved home my teen ds fell asleep on the bus 3 times the first week! Got off not having a clue where he was. Managed to see a school. We Googled it and went driving around looking for him!! Very sheepish when we found him! Got the hang of it the second week!!