Should we relocate for better quality life or stay SW London for grammar schools

[monkeysmum21]

Hi everyone.
I have to make a decision to improve my family’s life but I can’t decide.We are a family of four in a two bed flat. Despite of earning an ok money we won’t be able to buy a house in our current neighbourhood, so my husband and I would prefer to relocate to a cheaper area of the country where my husband does not need to work 90 hours a week (also, I work full time so we barely have time together). I really miss having time with him, so we were both very excited with the idea of moving and having an easier life.

But…

My daughter took the 11+ for Sutton and got a decent score (more than enough to enter both grammars using previous years scores) and she’s very excited about it. She really wants to be with people who loves learning and be pushed (this has never happened before despite of being in a very good Primary state school). In her school, she has found herself really bored and always paired with students that needed help. She’s a very kind person and I’m very proud of her for helping other but the reality is… I don’t send her to school to be teacher assistant.
If we move now, we’ll be allocated whatever is leftover so I don’t expect to get a space in good schools and a private school is not a possibility.
On the other hand, good kids come out of every corner of the country and being in an average school doesn’t mean she can not do ok in life. Feeling like I’m going to break her heart if I take her out of her school in the middle of Year 6 and taking grammars off her… but the family need bigger space and more time together.
Any advice?

It seems to me you ought to have made this decision earlier. Has something changed suddenly or is it that the cost of living crisis has brought things to a head?

It's not too late if you move quickly. If you can afford to rent near a good school before March 1st, and put in a late apication, you will be high up on the waiting list for the second round of offers. But it sounds like you aren't ready to make the decision, so don't have a specific area in mind.

I think it's massively unfair to put her through the 11+, get her hopes up of being able to go to the school of her dreams and then move.

Is relocating a bit further out ( but still within a fairly easy bus/train ride) of the grammar school an option?

really hard to say based on the information provided. a couple of questions/comments:

you refer to a "family of four", so what about your other (presumably younger) child? would they be likely to also pass the 11+? it sounds to me like you think the non-selective state options near you aren't cutting it for you even without cost of living considerations?

you say you're on "ok money" - would renting a 3 bed place in your current area be out of the question? have you explored your options in terms of housing benefit, social housing (I know how dire the situation is in London generally and very much understand people on average incomes looking to move) etc?

the break between year 6 and year 7 is generally a good time to move kids because so many kids start secondary school not knowing anyone, though of course your other child presumably isn't in the same position.

do you have a really clear idea of where it is you want to move, that it'd be somewhere you'd like? as others have said you're cutting it more than fine for 23/24 school applications.

if it really is necessary then, no, I don't think 90 hour working weeks are sustainable, for anyone, nevermind someone who's presumably entering early middle age and whose OH works full time.

You do know there are grammar schools in other parts of the country? We're near the Wirral and there are 6 grammars on there. Good ones too. Houses are nice and you'll get a decent house using the profit from your London flat I guess.

Move really quickly so you can make the application before the deadline. I’ve worked in a number of schools and it is tougher for clever students in lower achieving schools, it just is, and I’m sure you don’t want her to face extra barriers. You don’t say if you need to be commutable to your existing workplace? If not then Liverpool or Birmingham will definitely be cheaper than where you are and have grammars.

Thank you all for your input.
DC2 is in year 4, but he’s not grammar school kind of person and he’s so good at socialising that I feel confident he will make friends instantly. He’s the only one I am not worry about, he’s the easygoing, happy kid.
We did look into Birmingham in summer, good work options for hubby and we loved the outdoors surrounding as we’re quite sporty, but obviously it’s too late to apply for any grammar school as results are already out.
We wouldn’t qualify for any financial help, we’re in the squeezed zone.

The thing that has triggered my urge to move NOW is seeing husband health being affected. He would do anything for his kids, but somehow I feel it’s on me to get a better life for everyone.

I think you need to call up grammar schools in Birmingham and find out how often they get places appearing during y7 or at the start of y8 or even y9.

It may be that they do get some places and you could hope to get one of those. You may not be considered until after you’ve moved there though, plus your DD would have to take the local grammar test, so it’s a real gamble.

How about moving to Kent? Grammars and cheaper.

You know there are swathes of the country where there are no grammar schools and children do perfectly fine in proper comprehensives that can cope well with top set children, bottom set children, and those in between?

Best of both, North Yorkshire and grammar school.
www.ripongrammar.co.uk

Moving with a child in Year 6, after secondary school admissions date has passed, is not a decision to be taken lightly.
Particularly as your DC has already passed the 11+.

I think you need to look at the possibility of getting your DC into a good school (not necessarily a grammar) after a move, potentially in Y8 or Y8, or stick where you are. Seems very unfair to move now.

Where do you currently live OP? Is it possible you could move a bit further out to give you the space you need? These schools accept girls from a wide area so she wouldn't be unusual if she had a bit of a commute.

I would wait it out until she has started at Nonsuch or Wally Girls and then move when she is settled in Year 7, to somewhere commutable to the school but more affordable.

This ^

The catchment areas stretch quite far. You say you cant afford your current neighbourhood but what about looking at other areas still within catchment? What would your budget be? I say this because we are in a rubbish bit of SW London and didn't think we would be in the Sutton Grammar catchment but surprisingly we are.

Thanks. Yes, moving away but in catchment is the plan B as it would add extra miles of commuting to DH (who cycle to and from on top of his looooong hours)
Next life I want an easy one.

Are you renting or do you own your home, and if owning what's your equity?

I have a relative who is living in London and due to house price inflation since they bought 13 years ago, they could theoretically easily sell their London flat, move to a larger home in a fairly nice non-london city with the same size mortgage and putting down only a 5% deposit, and the remaining equity cash from the sale would be plenty enough to put their 2 children through private school for senior school. They aren't going to do this because their jobs can only be done in London but your op suggests you could consider this - have you done the maths for whether it would work for you?

If she has passed the 11+ for state she would almost certainly qualify for a scholarship for some fairly good private schools - there is a lot higher competition for places at excellent state grammars in London than there is for excellent non-London fee paying schools.

Exams for private schools tend to be in January - if you select a few good private schools in places you would be prepared to move to, and opt for scholarship assessment (some schools automatically assess all entrants for scholarships) and see how she does, if she gets a place at somewhere with a good scholarship offer you would then have 6 months to organise a move.

Scholarships tend to be on the basis of academic standards, not income-dependent. The best bet for a scholarship offer for a bright child can sometimes be choosing the second best independent school in an area - who tend to make scholarship offers to entice the brightest pupils who receive offers from the best nearby school to choose them instead.

FaazoHuyzeoSix Thanks. Selling our flat will give us enough for buying a house and be mortgage free but not much more. Anyway, that was the initial plan.
Looking into privates with some scholarships could work, will definitely look into it.

Why do you need to be mortgage free? Is your husband too unwell to work? I think moving your daughter now would be a bad idea. Your reasoning isn’t making a huge amount of sense.

Exams for private schools tend to be in January

Yes but there is a deadline to register to take the exam - which is about now.

Why would you need to be mortgage free? My suggestion was based on the assumption that you would still keep your current mortgate level. I mean yes it's good to be mortgage free by retirement age but assuming you are in your 40s there's no rush for that. You can prioritise DCs education for the next few years and then there's plenty of time after that to get mortgage free by the age of 65ish.

Being used to grammar options, I think you might be surprised how successful comp can be for "grammar school material" DC in non grammar areas most of the country. In a year group of 300, with no grammars siphoning off the most able, there will likely be a great peer group of like-minded, able DC.

There are a lot of families who actively choose good comp areas over grammar school areas. You just probably don't know as many of them because of where you live now.

When I was looking round secondary schools I always asked which subjects they set/stream from, and starting when. The answers I got ranged from 'full-on all-subject streaming from the beginning of y7 based on past attainment' [which I didn't agree with] to 'nothing at all until y9' [which I also didn't agree with], to stuff like 'maths and foreign languages only, starting from mid-to-late year 7' etc.