DC3 - stick with what we know or go local?

[WeBuiltThePyramids]

I’m in the middle of completing DC3’s secondary admissions form and cannot decide between two schools - any opinions appreciated! Both state schools. Sorry for the length!

School A is where DC1 and 2 went - DC2 will be in last year of sixth form when DC3 is year 7, so not much of an overlap. It’s a really good school, really multicultural, we know and like it, and DC1 and 2 have done/are doing really well. Also a faith school (not everyone’s preference but is a plus for me) which DC3 ticks all the boxes for so she’s guaranteed a place. Her friends will be going there, she knows it and some of the teachers. However it is a 25 min drive away - we can’t commit to this due to work. Older DC used school bus but the fares have more than doubled this year so (a) it’s really expensive and (b) I’m not sure it will remain viable as so many families now can’t afford it.

The journey by public bus is much cheaper but is 2-3 buses depending on which service you get. DC2 is doing it at the minute but she’s older and in all honesty is absolutely exhausted. She leaves the house at 7 as the later bus is too crowded, and says the pile on to buses after school is absolute carnage. She regularly can’t get on the first or sometimes second service. They are also unreliable/don’t turn up, on occasion it’s taking her 2 hours to do a journey home that was 45 mins on the school bus. So this is a major downside.

School B is our local comprehensive, also very good (similar exam results) but I just don’t know it and it feels a risk to change. I would miss the faith aspects and the more traditional feel of School A. However it is 10 minute walk away which is a huge plus.

Catchment area is very small but we should be ok, DC would have to make new friends and she is quite shy but then any new friends would live within half a mile of us which would be great socially (particularly when DC2 heads off to uni and DC3 has 6 years as an only child - she will struggle with this).

DC3 is very bright but sometimes struggles with focus - it might help to be at School A where they know her siblings and will have high expectations of her. On the other hand it’s not always easy to follow in the shadow of two high achievers!

We went to both open evenings and liked both but my gut instinct was to stick with school A - however seeing the effects of the commuting on DC2 I’m not sure I can sign another one up to that 🙁 on the other hand I don’t want to risk her not doing as well as the others and blaming our school choice!

Any thoughts appreciated 😊

My view is that you should go local unless there are compelling reasons not to.

And I don't think that having had other children there with such a big age gap is a compelling reason. Certainly not enough of one to outweigh the horrendous journey.

I personally would not want my child at a school where they might be treated differently based on who their siblings are - and I'm not sure the school will actually do this!

School B.
Teachers change... she might not have the same ones anyway.
Being constantly compared to your elder sibling(s) is horrible
The journey doesn't sound feasible

Yeah I think I phrased it wrongly about siblings - I don’t think she’ll be treated differently but some teachers will know her (and she them which is nice) however she is the sort of child who might benefit from some people having high expectations!
I’m slightly biased on this because I went to a different school to my older sibling (for good reasons) but always felt I should have followed them - it felt wrong being an only!!

It does feel risky stepping away from a school we’re happy with - that’s my main worry. I’m tempted to suck it up and pay the extortionate school bus fare to A but just not convinced the service will survive! I should say on most days the public bus home is 60-90 mins. 2 hours is a really really bad day!!

If all her friends are going to school A (which in itself is not a reason to pick it), could there not be some sort of lift sharing organised amongst you all? If you only had to do the school run a couple of times a week could you fit it round work?

I would be inclined to go with school a.

I think you will be surprised at how much you like the faith elements and miss them when not there.

I am going to be in a similar position in three years. I have to choose between getting my dd to follow her bro's to a faith school coed or a higher achieving non faith single sex (where I worry about bitchiness)

Imagine you have the choice of 2 equally good jobs
The first is a 60-90 minute journey away (on a good day) but your close friend works there and really likes it. However, she's due to retire next year.

The second is a 10 minute walk away but more of an unknown.

Which job do you go for?

I think making a child to a 60-90 minute journey just for familiarity's sake (and it will be your familiarity, not hers) is madness, personally.

Unless you can commit to driving your child to school A if the school bus is no longer an option, then you should really go for school B.

The bus situation you describe really rules out School A. I used to have a similar journey when I was in 6th form and it was so stressful, it made the whole day long and the forthcoming journey played on my mind a lot. And that was at 16+. You lose so much of your evening too. You either need to suck it up and pay for the school bus or rule it out altogether. It really wouldn't be fair on your child.

Even if you were willing to pay for the bus fare though I would still choose B. The ease of travel and socialising outweighs the positives at school A for me. Could you get her involved in a religious youth group in her downtime to mitigate?

2 - 3 hours a day is 10 - 15 hours a week. Or 400 - 600 hours every academic year.

That is a hell of a lot of time wasted that she could spend studying / relaxing / sleeping.

Where does DC3 want to go?

... I personally would go for the closer school. Even 60 minutes is a horribly long commute to school.

But what DC3 wants is also key. If they are set on the faith school, then talk with them about how motivated they need to be about the travelling. If they're not so bothered, then the local school for sure.

I believe that children - in the main - get the grades they would get whichever school they go to. Going more locally has benefits of a more local set of friends, and options for getting there. Bus, walk, cycle, lift choices all easier when it's closer.

It’s not just the physical slog of the journey everyday is it, she won’t be able to join after school clubs, enjoy the after school walk home and chat with friends to decompress, have friends round to do homework or watch a movie. Since you say she is a shy child I think these important social aspects need to be taken into consideration, as you say, she will essentially be an “ only” for much of the next few years, she will miss her siblings and her friends will be an important way to fill the gap.

You have no reason to think that school B won’t push for academic success, if the results are pretty much the same and school B is a truly comprehensive school then that probably means they are able to identify and encourage academic success. Many schools which are back door selective rely a lot on the heavy push their students get from other directions, ie tutors/ parents rather than helping their students to achieve through good teaching and focussed hard work.

School B. Her quality of life will be better and she will make new friends.

When you say friends, how many other children are we talking? How will they be getting there? Or is the primary also a bit of a distance away? If there are several children going all from the same area then I wouldn't imagine they'd cut the bus service and so I would pay it. Or work out a lifts rota with the other parents. I think a journey of 60-90 minutes on 2 or 3 different buses twice a day is a lot for an 11 year old to deal with.

My older children also go to a faith school rather than our local comp - but it's a 20 minute walk over a 5 minute walk. There's another faith school about the same distance away as yours and it would never cross my mind to consider it. If the one they're at didn't exist they'd be going to the comp.

@MsMcGonagall she wants B - it’s what she knows, having been dragged along to parents evenings/plays since she was 3, and her friends are going there (all live just outside school B catchment). I think she’s persuadable though and she does see the advantages of B.

@fleurdelee i agree, I would really miss the ethos and faith aspect. It’s hard 🙁

I think you mean she prefers A, the faith school.

How are all her friends going to get there?

It looks like you might need to work out a lift schedule, and shift work so that you can be part of taking her there once or twice a week.

Or you could get her to practice the journey on the public bus and have a good long think about whether she really wants to do that 5 days a week.

Sorry - meant to say she wants A!!

Can you do the bus journey with her in half term?

@WeBuiltThePyramids
Why do you need faith at school when you clearly have it in your lives at home? If you don’t want your DD travelling this far, understandably, faith is totally besides the point as you provide it. Also every school has a daily act of worship. Have confidence that it’s enough.

It comes across that you like the religious “club” and sense of belonging to the faith and the school but “cost” to your DD is high in terms of transport and how her day is organised. She will miss out on so much. You will need to adjust your work or beg others for lifts. I’d take the 10 minute walk! Every time.

Primary school friends quite often drift apart at high school.
I really wouldn't put an 11 year old through a 2 bus journey. I had to do similar for only a term or two as my parents were relocating but rented a house further away while the purchase was going through. It was scary as my change was in a busy depot, although I was also alone, which presumably your DD won't be.
If she's set on A, then try to find the money for the school bus. If it stops running, perhaps you could try and car share at least the journey home with friends? This is what we do currently for DD who is not at the most local school. Getting there in the morning is ok, but getting a bus home can take ages so we share lifts with a couple of other families which makes it much easier.

Journey sounds like a nightmare

it won’t be familiar to her either way really, the familiarity aspect seems more to do with you

I think the transport situation virtually rules out school a.

personally unless there are serious concerns I would always opt for a more local school. Surely having one’s friends within easy walking distance is a huge advantage.

School B would be my choice just bc that journey sounds grim. I had a long journey to school and in consequence had very little relationship with my school friends. They all lived a long way away. I guess today I would stay in touch through technology and parental support (lifts) but it’s still a factor IMO.

I feel I must challenge your point about teachers knowing her siblings and thus pushing her; firstly teachers will change so her teachers may not have taught her siblings; and secondly, any decent teacher (and I am hoping this far-flung school has them) will teach the student according to their needs, not according to the expectations of their older sibling. To call on my own experience again, I never did this. I had students who were very challenging, and when their younger sibling started, I never made any assumption that they would be the same. And vice versa for a very talented student. My own DC were very different in ability (and looks) – so much so that lots of teachers didn’t even realise they were siblings (common surname) which is fine by me. Academic and literary DD did not need to one-to-one encouragement and support that DS1, who has SEN, needed.

I don't see how you can in good conscience do school A using pubic buses.
Go to B, use money and time saved on buses to supplement with tutoring if the need arises.