Choosing secondary: How to remove nostalgic bias?

[CurryAndChip5]

I am really struggling between 2 secondaries. They both have their merits and disadvantages/not so good bits. In some ways one schools stands out and in others the other school stands out. But life’s a compromise and we can’t have everything. If we could I wouldn’t be here asking this.

I’m stuck because one of the schools is the one I went to and I have (mostly) good memories of the place (I actually enjoyed school). Going back there again for the Y6 tours brought back lots of memories and reasons why we should choose it.

Although the other one has lots of reasons why we should choose that one.

However, despite trying to be practical/sensible/non-biased/open minded about things, I’m stuck, and I think it’s because of the nostalgia. I’m worried I’m going to make the wrong decision because of this.

Anyone been there? How do you choose without being biased?

Not there yet but anticipating we might be when DC is older. The other school was a rival too 😂

I plan to 'desensitise' myself from it. I actually visit the school grounds occasionally to use some sports facilities, so visiting will hopefully be more mundane and less nostalgic. Then I plan to write a list, see what DH thinks and ultimately let DC decide. I wouldn't give them complete choice, but if both are reasonable options, then they can have final decision.

You’ve probably already done this, but, just some general questions to think about and ask yourself.

1. Have you made a pros and cons list
2. Have you talked to your DC about which one they prefer?
3. Have you made a list of what is important to you in a school, without thinking about either of the schools - just think about what you want or need, and then seen which school matches more closely to the list you made?
4. What is transport like to the schools? Is one closer or easier to get to? Which journey would your DC be able to manage more easily by themselves every day including in the long dark winter months? What about if they stay for after school clubs? Can they get home?
5. After all of this, do either of them stand out?

One final thing, is your DC likely to get a place at either/both of these schools? If not, what’s your back up!

I didn't have this problem, since I didn't go to school in UK. But if I had a choice of my dc going to my school, I'd definitely do it, unless there's strong reason not to. It's so lovely you have same experience, especially as a child.
You just need to try to be logical, and see pros and cons of both school. And if there are not much deciding factor to avoid the school, why not?

You see, I completely disagree with this.

OP I think you are right in trying to remove nostalgic bias. Nothing will be the same about the school except the physical buidlings and if you are a youngish Mum, maybe a teacher. Everything else will be different, head, curriculum, ethos.

I live in a small town and was genuinely amazed by parents choosing one of the two secondaries 'because I went there'. The two schools were both good but so different in ethos that I couldn't understand why anyone would choose on a nostalgia basis.

I think 4toomany has the right approach. What is most important to you?

Schools change completely from one generation to another. Always choose a school to suit DC. Not rosy tinted spectacle nostalgia.

Er it's a school for your child, not for you. They won't feel nostalgic for it because I presume they were born some time after you left. Choose a school that provides the education that's best for your child, not for you!

I meant to say that I went to the school
my father went to. No choice really! Local grammar. I really disliked it. If I lived in that area now, I wouldn’t have hesitated sending DC there. It’s a fantastic school now. So evaluate your Dc and their needs and which school suits them best. Not all generations get the same experience.

The thing is that all of us have experiences which colour this decision for us. Eg I went to a girls school and had a positive experience, but my friend says the opposite - to some extent that will affect the choices we make for our DDs. Yours is just even more so!

Which one does your DC prefer?

3DCs, full siblings but with a nine year gap between DC1&2. They all went to my primary as it was closest and a fairly decent school. When choosing secondary schools I chose on merit. I was fortunate our house was in the catchment of my first two choices, one attended by DH and one myself.
DC1 went to the best performing school of the two (the one DH attended) but by the time DC2&3 were ready for secondary the school I chose was the one I went to. I would still stand by those choices today. It's just coincidence my old school is now by far the best in our area.

Schools change so quickly....when DC1 was choosing secondary schools school 1 was best and luckily we were in catchment. School 2 was poor and undersubscribed as noone wanted their child to go there. As it happens DC1 got a grammar place at school3.
Now 4years later....school1 has gone downhill and dc2 says they do NOT want that one. School2 has made big improvements and is now our school of choice (now oversubscribed) Were catchment for both so good chance of getting our first choice.

So rose tinted spectacles won't help...look at travel too and from school, look at recent exam results, speak to parents of children of children at the school now and ask for their honest opinions.

It’s not the same school.

The leaders and teachers are different. The curriculum is different, rules and policies will have changed. Is the uniform even the same?

Experiences of a school are incredibly personal. A lot of it boils down to the friends you make at the time, the 'chemistry' you have with specific teachers, your subject choices, etc. I wouldn't ever assume that two kids even in the same form group in the same year have the same experience of a school, never mind two kids at the same school multiple decades apart.

Write out a pros/cons list. If without nostalgia, you'd be happy with both, then take DC to visit both. Listen to their opinion and go with that order on your application form.

Thanks everyone for your replies and suggestions. It’s nice to hear all opinions and which are making me get my head straight about all this.

A little bit or extra info/ me thinking out loud and trying to organise thoughts

One of the schools has a long reputation of being a good school. Stable teaching staff (with some new ones every now and then). Strong history of good teaching/academics. Very good curriculum in certain areas, especially science, technology and languages. Well established extra curricular. Lovely atmosphere. Generally, very happy with the place. Downside is the GCSE pathways leave little choice - only 1 ‘open’ option for the EBacc pathway (and it seems 75% of the school are on this pathway). Apparently ‘Outstanding’ although this was 2014 so taking it with a pinch of salt. Usually slightly above average results. Has a 6th form.

One of the schools has a terrible history, it was always a good school with a great community feel, ended up as requires improvement, got made into an academy with an appalling trust, became inadequate/special measures, had very bad management, was in complete limbo for a time with no management etc etc. However, has had a massive turn around and is potentially going places. Loved the atmosphere and the feel on the open evening. Taken over by a trust which seem to know what it’s doing and has done really well with other schools it has in a couple of local towns. Passionate teachers, getting more popular, good curriculum (actually some very good things especially surrounding science and technology and the arts) and GCSEs are not restricted to pathways although there is (currently) limited choice. They have a plan to offer more over the next few years. Generally, very impressed. The school has never been inspected since new management so no clue as to the real picture. Also no school results because of Covid. No 6th form. The one it has closed when all the ‘bad years’ happened as it wasn’t sustainable. They now have formed a new 6th form with a school in the same trust in a nearby town and both school feed to this.

Know parents with DC at both schools and neither seems to stand out. Opinions of both are similar. Everyone obviously biased towards their chosen schools.

Asked DC which they prefer, got an “I don’t know” - no help there!

One of the schools is a 45-50 minute walk/bus.
The other is a 30-40 minute walk
(no public transport goes in that direction from our house and can’t walk to a suitable bus stop, quicker to actually walk direct to the school - we’re in a public transport blackhole!)

DC likely to get into either, there’s only one school which they won’t get into (the catholic one, because we’re not catholic and it’s heavily oversubscribed). We’re going to be putting a school in a nearby town (the town I work in) down as 3rd but it’s unlikely we’ll need that choice anyways, it’s just to fill all the spaces on the form.

@4toomany I like your no3. That is a very sensible suggestion. Will definitely be doing that later today.

Things that might be important to get you going:

academic success, SEN support, pastoral care, sport, music, drama, other extra curricular, uniform strictness, general behaviour, behaviour policy & how liberal they are with detentions, amount of homework, start GCSEs in y9 or y10, flexibility of choice for GCSEs, social balance, LGBT policies (especially T), pushyness, inclusivity, setting policy, ability to contact teachers, travel time & getting home after clubs especially in winter.

Agree a lot with PP about working out what you really want from a school but

Ask yourself this.

If both schools were the exact same distance from your front door, ie, If you left the house and turned left for one school and right for the other and both were a 5 minute walk on the same street with no roads to cross. Both exactly equal. And if OFSTED didn’t exist so you had to make your own judgement, and there was no such thing as league tables, which actually, in your case is exactly what position you are in. So everything exactly equal.

If this was the case, would you be struggling to decide between them?

If NO
Then you have your answer - that’s the school you want.

If YES
Then both are very very similar - go with the closest.