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Secondary education

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Year 7 son being racially and homophobically abused in school

15 replies

ilovemyautumns · 11/10/2022 19:04

After a difficult marriage, this summer i left my husband and took custody of my two children and upsticked and moved to another part of the country.

My son's a quiet type and I strong had reservations about this secondary school due to its reputation and with every other million thing i had to sort out with moving, family court, new job etc. i tried challenging the LA but they said theirs another school a long distance away.

Since my son's gone to this school and because he stands out as he's not from this area he's being picked on. Kids being kids pick on what's different and start calling him racial stuff and one of his uncle gave him a LGBT wristband which he wore to school. Big mistake ! the kids seized on this and to no end have been abusing him with homophobic words. He has made zero friends since starting in September and despite phone calls and meetings with the school teacher it feels like its being swept under the carpet as this school is literally called "Australia" in the area. Meaning like how Oz was a dump for criminals, all the kids who are expelled eventually end up in this school hence the analogy.

Some of the "sensible" kids are scared stiff of the bullies and don't speak out when witnessing things. My son says a police car always come to the school, fights happen all the time, the whole science class had to stay behind and be searched because someone stole the equipment, fire bells going off and using the toilet is like going into a torture cell.

Things have escalated where he is now being attacked. Last week of September as he was catching the bus and this was on a very busy high street he was jumped by the kids who knocked his glasses off and took his rucksack and threw it into the heavy traffic. His glasses smashed, phone screen smashed, clothes damaged (new uniform!) and books soaked through.

I have also started a new job and have to do the drop off for his sister too. I took time off (my boss is an arsh which is a story for another day) and the school secretary says the head of year is "busy" but i can "speak to her on the phone"

The head of year's response absolutely flabbergasted me! "Since it is out of school hours the school cannot do anything!"

luckily around that rush hour school time another parent (a lady from my street) she witnessed this and retrieved his bag and took my son to her home and called me. She said she'll back me in any action that's taken. I have a good mind to write to the governors but this same lady (whos lived in this area for yonks) laughed saying parents contact governors, MPs and Ofsted all the time about their kids issues but no action is taken. Its like a zoo! This is a huge contrast from his Primary.

I can't concentrate in my new job and my manager even said "put that phone away and use it during your designated break hours"
I'm going absolutely spare. I'm always feeling hot now, can't sleep since this has started and my son bless him is putting on a brave face.
He is very talented and did really well in Primary school and I feel where we are now he will be both academically and physically crushed! Their dad has still not been awarded custody BTW.

any tips I'm absolutely choking here

OP posts:
stirrednevershaken · 11/10/2022 19:15

Hi OP is t this a duplicate thread? You may want MN to merge the 2

ilovemyautumns · 11/10/2022 20:40

stirrednevershaken · 11/10/2022 19:15

Hi OP is t this a duplicate thread? You may want MN to merge the 2

sorry i'm not that techie! someone said i should repost this in secondary! sorry

OP posts:
BrewNbiscuit · 11/10/2022 20:54

Sounds awful. Are there any other schools that you could get him too? If there is another one near enough then I’d apply to move him.

If you can’t get him to another school then complain in writing, firstly to the headteacher, then to the governors, and then to the Local Authority.

vanHalen · 11/10/2022 22:56

I'm so sorry this is happening OP, it sounds absolutely vile.

I'm shocked the school is so dismissive of the incident (and the abuse too). Can you complain a level up?

I'd keep an eye on this and if it doesn't improve then I'd try and find any way to get him to a different school?

This is a very dark hour for your family and my heart goes out to you but it is only onwards and upwards from here. Your son sounds like a great chap and he is going to do so well in the long run.

Hope you get the school sorted

prh47bridge · 12/10/2022 08:17

The Head of Year's response is unacceptable and wrong - they can take action for things that happen out of school hours. Escalate to the Head. If that fails, escalate to the governors. Do it all in writing - emails will do. Keep the evidence. If the school fails to do anything about it, you can use the evidence of unchecked bullying if you appeal for another school.

GGGD · 12/10/2022 08:22

Could you move out of the area, find another job and a better school? I know this sounds a lot but I wouldn’t persevere if I were you.

Thereisnolight · 12/10/2022 08:24

Get him out of the school. Move if you have to.

MumofSpud · 12/10/2022 08:25

The school absolutely should intervene at attacks / incidences outside of school
You need to contact the governors / school safeguard lead ASAP - this will be on the website

My school intervene if something like this happened at the weekend and they weren't in their uniform!

If the school use this idea about not intervening outside school hours then heaven forbid there are safeguarding / child abuse issues at a child's house outside of 9-3

Snoken · 12/10/2022 08:52

Oh I really feel for you and your son. It sounds absolutely horrendous. I too would look at moving away if there are no better alternatives in the area, but even if there is I doubt they would have spaces free if the alternative is that despicable. I am guessing your daughter is younger, so she would have to join that school too eventually. It's just not sustainable and it will do such damage to your kids.

Choconut · 12/10/2022 09:02

You need to get him out of there and do whatever it takes for that to happen.
Head of Year is a joke, school sounds all round horrendous, go to the police. I'm so sorry this is happening.

Golden231 · 23/10/2022 00:28

Surprised this happens still

Nappyvalley15 · 23/10/2022 07:09

Put him on the waiting list for other schools so he can be moved ASAP.

MadameMinimes · 23/10/2022 08:48

This is dreadful. My advice would be to call the school but instead of asking to speak to the head of year, ask for the DSL (Designated Safeguarding Lead) and tell them you need to report child on child abuse. This sort of thing now falls under the remit of safeguarding teams in schools. Your son is being physically and emotionally abused.

Make sure you get the DSL’s email address and follow up with details of what has happened in writing. Make sure you say explicitly that you are reporting child on child abuse and that you want them to tell you how your son will be safeguarded from further abuse.

I say this all as a safeguarding lead myself. School’s can’t control everything that goes on outside of school but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be trying. They don’t have a magic wand that can fix it all overnight but they need to start somewhere.

Justamother75 · 23/10/2022 20:35

Fight, fight as harder as you can.
Write a complaint as signed for letter. Go to a doctor to get a certificate of stress, write to newspaper. Apply to LA about immediate transfer to another school under medical and social needs rules. Attach the certificate from the doctor and confirmation that child got psychologist support.
Sometimes child just was allocated into a wrong class. Even area which surrounded this school will tell you a lot. And maybe in this case get other school miles away, then blame yourself later.
I wish you all the best and very sorry about negative impact on your son

A628447777Z · 23/10/2022 21:38

wrong wrong wrong wrong on so many levels. The school should be dealing with the as a safeguarding issue.
this needs immediately raised with the school as a safeguarding issue.
I would also be on waiting lists for other schools. Contact the council for an immediate transfer quoting that this is a safeguarding issue that needs to be dealt with ASAP.
Anything you want to report to the police should also be reported.

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