What rights do I have selecting a secondary school

[Kurlyk40]

My ex husband and the father of my children is toxic/controlling, hence him being an ex. However, toxic/controlling behaviour still carries on since we divorced.

My daughter is due to start secondary school in the UK in September. My ex is about to remarry and will have a step son who is a year older than my daughter to school too. Mg daughter resides with me and we have shared care. He also wants his nephew to go to the same school, as the eldest is the same age as my daughter. He moved them into the same primary school when his brother moved into the area. This has been difficult at times as they’re in the same class. My daughter doesn’t want to go to school with them but he doesn’t take no for an answer.

I had planned to go along with his suggestions and then select the school my daughter wants to go to and not make him aware. However, my moral compass is telling me this is wrong and I’m also worried I could get into some legal trouble, there is a court order in place but does not state any specifics regarding schools. I know if I tell him about the school he will say no or send the other family members there too. It feels like they don’t play by the rules but get away with it. It’s causing me so much stress and I just want what is best for my daughter and what she would feel most comfortable with.

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.

Kerry

Mg daughter resides with me and we have shared care.

What does this look like in practice? What is the custody arrangement?

Is there any guidance given by the LEA about what they do for separated parents / shared care? I would suggest contacting them to ask.
In general terms, I think it is expected that both parents will come to some sort of agreement. However your situation sounds as if that is going to be difficult.
@prh47bridge may be able to provide some advice about this type of situation.

Thanks for tagging me @catndogslife

As you were married, your ex has parental responsibility. That means he is entitled to a say in their education. If you cannot agree on the choice of schools, it is open to either of you to get a Specific Issue Order from the courts to determine the matter. If that happens, you must, of course, follow the terms of that order.

In the absence of an order, you can name whatever schools you want, but he may be able to use that as evidence of unreasonableness, particularly if you agree to go along with his suggestions but then do something different. That won't directly get you into trouble, but it may make the courts more favourable to him if there are any future disputes.

The LA cannot dictate whose views prevail when parents cannot agree. However, they can dictate whose address is used. If the application is going to come from your address, it is worth remembering that you don't choose schools. You only express a preference. If you live far enough away from the school he wants to mean your daughter has no realistic chance of getting a place there, you can safely list his school as first preference and your school as second preference. That won't damage your chances of getting your daughter into your preferred school.

@prh47bridge thank you so much for all your help. I think one of his selected schools first may appease him and the likely hood of our daughter going there is minimal, as it’s quite a distance from us and we would be considered in the last category. He has only suggested 4 schools, with one I strongly disagree with as it is not a particularly good school, and we need to select 5 and that still leaves a space for me to the school my daughter really wants to go to.

The school she wants to go to is closer to us. I don’t think it’s likely that he would take me to court to swap schools, but it’s always a fear. I also appreciate it would make me look unreasonable, which is sad as being reasonable with these types of people never get you anywhere and their behaviour always seems harder to prove.

Thank you all for your comments and feedback.

If they do end up at the same school, it's very common with large schools to split the year group into 2 halves. Ours have no lessons in common until Y10. Asking school to place the 2 children in different halves of the year would be an effective way to keep them apart. It's not perfect, but it should be easy for them to do and go a long way to minimising the day to day impact on your daughter.

Prh47bridge has covered all the legal ground better than I could.

To reiterate the point on school admissions criteria; if your ex-husband’s preferred school is unrealistic (eg usual admittance distance is 500 metres, you live two km away and don’t meet any other admissions criteria) then you’re highly unlikely to get a place, however much he wants it.

If he’s not going to see the application could you put your choice first (assuming you stand a good chance of getting it) and his choices further down - which you may not get anyway, and then just see what happens?
If you are out of catchment for the schools he prefers you probably wouldn’t get a place in any case. School applications are a preference rather than a real choice

Chose the school that’s right for your daughter and within your catchment.

Its not about him it’s about your daughter, he needs to put her needs first.

Go with your daughter go to the open days and work it out together.

If the OP's daughter won't get a place at her ex's preferred school, there is no point in doing this.

It may not be about him, but the law gives him the right to a say. The OP cannot simply ignore him.