Which school to chose, need help!

[Thirder]

My DS had a difficult time with friendships in primary school.
He was excluded from parties and sleepovers and would still pine for those friends even though we moved school for his last primary year this year to try and build up his confidence again which was very much low.
He's smart (aren't they all!) and very good to learn when he concentrates. Loves learning new things and is doing well in new small primary.
Now we are looking at secondaries. The feeder secondary for the school he is in now is ruled out due to logistics getting there.
Other options are the local school in our town where he would meet all those kids again who excluded him (but he still thinks their his friends, I don't).
It a huge school with thousands so he'd probably make other friends, but I'd worry he's easily led down the wrong path. He can be easily led to do something stupid, doesn't always think first. I'd worry he'd fall in with a bad crowd.
Other option is a school in next town where he would know only one other boy who seems nice. More academic school and smaller. But it's not our town and most attending would be from that other town. Might not get a place but I'd guess we have a strong chance.
Can anyone who's been through this pass on some wisdom on what to chose?
My main priorities are that he's happy and confident and does his best.

Bear in mind that it's a preference, not a choice. As in, you may not get your first preference (which I see you have taken into account).

How far away is the next town? What would be the logistics of getting there? How likely are you to get a place? Info about furthest distance offered in previous years should be on the LA website and will be a guide.

Can he get to that school on his own - and more to the point, since it is friendships which concern you, how easy would it be for him to meet up with friends from that school? Independence in secondary is a big thing IMHO and it was key for us that our DC could get together with secondary friends on the way home, in the evening and at weekends.

BTW does the bigger school really have thousands of students? The biggest by far school in my area is about 2000. An average secondary IME is about 1000-1200. How small is the other school? I think very small secondaries can have issues around provision (range of subjects, offerings of things like sports and music or theatre).

Have you also looked at the academic stats - how do the schools compare?

Just some food for thought, HTH

Thanks really helpful points I should consider. The independence thing is new to me as he's my first so not sure what to expect as he gets older. The second school wouldn't be that accessible outside of school times. There's a school bus, but not a public bus at other times. Does that make a huge difference? WE can always drive him the 25 or so minutes there for meeting people.
Yes first school has at least 2000 attending. It's the only school in town, other than a fee paying one, which all the people who can afford it, go to (not an option for us).
Second school is about 500 pupils, less facilities and subjects, but the subjects they offer are exactly what he would like so I'm not worried about that.
Second school has better academic results but it's quite new. I'm swayed towards it, can you tell?

Wow that's quite a tough choice. 2000 is a very big school indeed and 500 is a very small secondary. I would look very closely at its academic offer - does it offer triple science? a choice of MFL? music? comp science? the full range of DT? These may not be things that matter to your son, but they may - or they may come to matter.

A 25-minute drive is quite a way - 20 miles? I am assuming not in a big city as only one school. Does the smaller school draw from a large area? In other words could his best mate end up living 30+ miles away? It's fine being able to drive him to parties etc, but I was thinking more of the chance to drop in at friend's house on way home, popping over at the weekend to revise together, going for coffee in nearby shopping centre after school.

We live v near my DCs' school and our house tended to be somewhere that the DC brought their friends at the end of the day (or at lunchtime, once in sixth form) which was lovely.

Also bear in mind staying after school. Things my DC stayed after school for included school clubs, music practice, school productions, sports team practice and matches, open evenings and (in KS4 and KS5) revision classes or subject support. All those are harder if there is only the school bus. Just worth bearing in mind.

If there is a school bus to the second school it suggests that people from your area must go there.

I'd generally say go local unless there are compelling reasons not to. I would not think there was more chance that your DC's old "friends" would be more likely to lead him astray than any other student he might meet. You may well find with a year's space they won't bother with him anyway. Or of course they may well have matured themselves! In a big school it will also be easy to avoid them.

I'd personally worry the second school was too small, and as noted by clary that it would lead to him being less independent. Having local friends that he can meet under his own steam and don't involve his parents having to take him to all the time (what if they live 25 minutes drive in the other direction?) is a huge deal. My niece lives 25 minutes drive from her school and she virtually never sees others out of school - compared to my DC who might have no plans one minute and then out with 3 friends an hour later.

I think it would be worth a chat with your closest school about how they allocate forms, sets etc. Ours put all children who haven’t gone to primary together in a separate form so in your scenario your ds wouldn’t be with the kids from his old primary. They also asked us who our dd wouldn’t want to be in a form with