Daughter struggling to make friends

[Upsetmum22]

Hi,
Since starting secondary school 3 weeks ago my daughter is struggling to make friends. She's attending one of the local comprehensive schools which we felt was the best option for her (both academically and for pastoral care). The majority of her year group from primary attend a different school including her best friends.
Whilst there are some children from her primary at her secondary school she isn't friends with them. She was friends with one girl (& we were friends with her parents) but since they aren't in the same form group this girl has dropped my daughter and will no longer walk to and from school with her. (They go exactly the same route and don't walk with anyone else).
I have tried to encourage my daughter to join clubs and she has joined one but not made any friends. She tells me that she spends break and lunchtimes on her own.
She is so upset and is desperate to be with her old friends and has cried herself to sleep several nights.
What do I do? How do I support her and how can she integrate?
Any advice from anyone has gone through this would be appreciated.

Let the form tutor know - they may be able to keep an eye on things - perhaps link her up with someone else who hasn't made friends yet, or a pair or group who will include her.
Tell your daughter to watch out for other year 7s on their own, and be brave and go and start a conversation - "is this seat free?", "do you know where room X is?", "have you got PE next?"

Was there a specific reason she went to this school? It mirrors schools near us that are min apart.

Thank you.
We've messaged her form tutor and encouraged her to speak to/approach other children but will suggest the other things you've mentioned.

The school she is at is a better all round school in our opinion, academically better but also school culture. Had heard some not great things about the other school, inc behaviour

I agree with PP - it's hard but she just needs to make an effort to sit with others she recognises at lunch. Or see if she can spot someone else looking lonely in her class (I guarantee there will be one). Now we're a couple of weeks into term, you'll probably find that others will start to cling to their primary school friends less (in some cases, these won't even have been friends, just other people they vaguely knew) and be more open to getting to know others.

It can take a while to make friends - but not isolating herself is the best she can do at the moment.

It can be really hard. This first term especially.
Initial friendship groups often don't last once people get to know each other.
Tell your DD to keep being friendly and approachable, chat to people she sits with in lessons. PE is a good subject for this! It does get easier.
Most schools should run some lunchtime clubs for kids at loose ends - check out the Art and Music departments, go to the library, get homework done instead. Friendships will come.

Oh gosh, it’s hard isn’t it? We’re in the same boat; DS is 3 weeks in at secondary where he’s only 1 of 2 from his primary (we wanted him to go to the school the majority went to but he didn’t get in). They’re in different forms, and most of the other children are from feeder schools so know each other already. And to top it all off DS has ASD, so doesn’t have the greatest social skills anyway. I worry about him being a target for bullying because he’s always alone, and there have already been a couple of incidents.

DS has just joined the choir, which I hope will help. Other than that, I’m just trying to encourage him to talk to people, ask friendly questions etc.

Yes this is difficult. Having put two girls though year 7 and having similar struggles with DD1 (yr 10 now) who was the only girl from her school, it pulls at your heart.

So....

1. realise it will take a whole term to make friends properly
2. Acknowledge that it is hard, share times you've gone through similar at school/work/meeting parents at primary etc.
3. Tell her she has to be brave and try and open conversations. We call it putting the game face on here. It's draining being the one saying hi etc but it really helps.
4. Tell her others feel the same but may hide it more.
5. Give her strategies if she's on her own. Eg spend lunch in the library; join clubs etc.
6. Do let the form tutor know. They are primed to help.
7. Reassure her that it does get better.

Sometimes they have been told that everyone wants to make friends in ur 7 so expect it to happen easily. But as adults we know friendships take time to develop. We've often mis-sold secondary to kids.

Hope that helps.

Thanks all, really appreciate the advice, will take it all on board.
Good luck to your son @AmeliaEarhart