Year 11 pre-emptive bollocking

[Zib]

I've just been to the parents' information evening at DS's school and had a slightly dismal lecture on how every year there are five kids who don't qualify for the sixth form, and they just need to knuckle down and focus, and behave and have their uniform right and this is how the school does detentions...

I get that some kids will need to pull their socks up, but it's quite demoralising for the ones that work hard that the school year seems to begin with a telling off. It's all about detentions and order marks rather than merits, and just seems to be quite a shift from all the open evenings a few years back when they talked about nurturing our sons. This is a state grammar, and it's been pretty good for DS, but I'm wondering whether this sort of thing at the start of Y11 is the norm?

I helped DS get through his 11+ (five years ago) but told him that at secondary it was up to him to decide how well he wanted to do, and I would never remind him to do homework or revision - it's been entirely his choice how hard he works. And he's chosen to be very diligent, and hasn't ever got an order mark or detention since Year 7, so all this heavy-handedness from the school is getting him down a bit. Should I say anything to his form teacher?

No.

You tell your DS that it's important that everyone gets the same message and that if he carries on the way he's carrying on then he'll have nothing to worry about.

I think this is completely normal, and it's been happening for years. My DD is in her 20s now and I remember her receiving the same talk at the start of Yr11. My friend's DS had it, too. What we found amusing at the time was that my DD only heard the "This is the most important year of your life! You need to knuckle down and work hard..." bits, and my friend's DS only heard the "You'll need to get plenty of sleep and time to relax..." sections.

It sounds as if your DS is working hard and is on track to do well. The skills he has will always be useful to him. There are others who haven't worked it out yet, so I expect this talk was really for them.

DD had this from teachers at the start of y10. I told her that the 'work harder' messages weren't aimed at her, she was already trying her best.

You can say what you like but I am afraid you will get the same response again. Teachers are very good at telling parents complete rubbish while looking them straight in the eye.

I think there are better ways to get the message across than the doom and gloom version that your child's school are using, OP - I am with you on that one.

It is a year of hard work (my child is in the same year) and we are supporting her with that as best we can, we definitely mention homework and revision! But also helping her to keep up her out-of-school activities and making sure she gets enough rest.

My child's school put a fair bit of emphasis on the Year 10 mocks and results, asking if they would be happy with these results next year, so that at least gives them time to make a difference if they are not.

The ones who know it doesn't apply to them can just let it bounce off. It really shouldn't cause any upset. Putting strict boundaries in place for teenagers who are still learning the skills of academic focus and discipline is a form of nurturing and they will look back and be glad of it. It can't all be fluffy pats on the back.

The thing is, some of them can't just let it bounce off. Anxious types then pile more pressure on themselves. It must be a real balancing act for schools.

Should I say anything to his form teacher?

No! You should help your son to develop the resilience to discern when a message is not aimed at him. There will be plenty of occasions when he has to do this in his life.

I completely agree with the pp who said that these firm boundaries are a form of guidance and nurture, just not of the softly-softly variety. As a parent I would be pleased to hear that the school won't allow a minority dicking about to jeopardise my son's lessons in this crucial year.

Now is a good time for them to make sure that parents know that a place in the sixth form is not guaranteed. In our area, sixth form open evenings are already beginning, so those whose kids might be at risk should be thinking about investigating the other options available.

The pep talks are always difficult, because unfortunately it's the diligent kids who don't need them who take them most to heart.

Agree with OP, there are better ways to get across the message.

I don't like the way that a lot of post 16 education seems to be about competing for potential Oxbridge kids and a lack of interest in displaying a full range of options. I come from a background with a lot of academic high achievers and a few drop outs, and oh, maybe me and perhaps one or two others in the middle.

That said, DS1 has also started year 11, and while I love that he's made some really good friends at school (far more than I ever did!), in the last parents' evening there was lots of praise and no threats etc, but I noticed his predictions for English have dropped while others have stayed high. I have told him that I think he can do better at English, where I've had more emails about him not handing work in or other hints of a bit of careless work. I just stayed at school until A level, and my kids' school has no sixth form so they have to make choices if they stay in education about where, so I don't want any sixth form or school to say, sorry, you didn't get a 7 in English GCSEs (or all) for whatever he wants to study next.

He did get invited to a trip to Cambridge University this week, for students they think might do well in science subjects. Invitation to the trip was selective and he seems to have enjoyed it. I did boast a bit to my dad, as his other grandchildren have been sent to "better" state schools in more middle class areas and he did once demand that I sent my boys to a different primary school. (Long story, but no, I didn't, so I felt a need to point out that they are doing just fine despite their mum's eccentric choices).

Is there an opportunity for feedback or a school/local parents discussion forum, and/or another way of suggesting to school that they turn this kind of pep talk round a bit. For example, suggestions about how best to prepare for GCSEs and make next step choices, to balance other activities and social lives with study, to reprioritise school work for a bit (lots of chances for more fun and other activities as a sixth form/higher education student still). And where to get help/support if you need it.

I’m with you OP. I’ve worked in secondary education for over a decade and don’t have any children of my own, so I’m coming at this from a teachers point of view rather than a parent’s, and still couldn’t agree more.

One of my colleagues gave year 11 exactly this sort of spiel in the first week back after the summer. In my view it’s a pointless waste of time. The ones who need to be told to sort themselves out are just reassured that, if everyone got told, then they can be the only ones doing no work, and the kids who are already working hard end up anxious that they aren’t doing enough. I don’t understand how so many people who work with teenagers can’t see the futility of it.

I also struggle to understand why so many people believe that that the default position is for teenagers to not care about their grades and want to slack off, do nothing and be rude and obnoxious. The teenagers that I meet generally want to do well, work hard (even if they lack the self control to follow through), and have friendly, pleasant interactions with people. There are better ways to spend half an hour than a collective bollocking for a room of 200 kids that’s really only aimed at 20 of them.

It's also not so bad if it is a one off assembly.
But when every subject teacher does it in their first lesson....

As a teacher and a parent I think we don’t give teens enough credit. They aren’t made of sugar. It’s important for messages about behaviour and culture to be delivered publicly to ensure consistency. When I talk to my motivated, exemplary students they appreciate the public message that poor behaviour won’t be tolerated. They know it’s not aimed at them. Some of them are anxious but those anxieties mostly come from either pressure they put on themselves, or pressure and expectations from their families.

Incidentally I note from the OP that this is a grammar school. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that an academically selective school turns up the pressure in year 11. I also agree with a pp that they need a very clear message about sixth form admissions. I teach in an 11-16 comp and every year a significant number of our brightest go to the local grammar for sixth form, taking at least some places from the existing school population. It’s fiercely competitive.