Friendships

[Nikii83]

My daughter 11 has just started secondary school and comes home crying every night that she has no friends.

I think she may be her own worst enemy as people message her and ask to call for a chat and she just dismisses them. Saying to me she doesn’t want to tell people about herself and her likes etc and that all the other girls care about is tik tok and Snapchat.

I have tried explaining that friendship is a two way street and that if she doesn’t talk to people she will not get to know them and then start to build friendships. She then becomes defensive

she is also quite negative a lot of the time in group chats with friends she will tell them to sssh or that they message to much etc and I can see why she would be irritating them.
even me and dh are clashing as I’m trying to be peacekeeper but he is more tough love…

I had hoped to at least get to half term with no problems.

all through primary she struggled with friendships. I can’t make friends for her but seeing her so upset every night is soul destroying

Aw I'm sorry to hear that. What are her interests outside of school? Could she make some friends doing something she enjoys? Unfortunately, TikTok and Snapchat is what most teens/preteens are interested in nowadays, but not all and if she were to do a hobby she actually enjoyed it would be easier to meet like-minded girls.

Thanks for your response, she went to an after school club of music and drama last week and enjoyed it but said no one she knows was there… I have told her to keep going as she will get to know people.

I agree that encouraging friendships outside of school is a good idea. I would keep encouraging her to go to many activities until she finds one that's right for her.

My nearly 16 yo daughter doesn't have tik tok or Snapchat and she has lots of friends, so there will surely be other kids in your daughters class who don't have them. She just has to find them.

Is she sporty? Team sports or Pony Club (if she's into horse riding) are great places to make friends. If she's into music then definitely you should encourage her to go to practices to get to know other kids who enjoy it who aren't necessarily in her year/ form group. At her previous school, my daughter's closest friends were from year groups above her. Even now, she's friends with kids in years above hers because they ride together in the same riding club.

Thank you for responding, she doesn’t enjoy sports her favourite things are reading, marvel, musicals, video games (Minecraft/ roblox)

today at lunch she went to the library by herself and just read until the end of lunch

Roblox/minecraft are popular games that most kids that age play. She should be able to find Roblox buddies! My daughter used to spend her life on the sofa playing Roblox with her school friends 😬She can definitely meet fellow Roblox/minecraft lovers I'm sure. Has she asked anyone at school if they play?