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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Will she make friends?

14 replies

MrsThaskala · 16/09/2022 20:46

DD started in Year 7. In our area there are lots of feeder primary schools and they all know each other. (We've moved to the area). she says she has a great time in class with the kids and teachers and lessons are good. Today (only 2 weeks in I know) she was a bit teary saying that at lunch the other kids all catch up with each other and she feels they're quite a close group and don't really invite in. I keep saying it takes time and with clubs after the school day it will all begin to mix up. Any advice?

OP posts:
XelaM · 16/09/2022 21:02

Definitely she'll make friends. Friendship groups change so much at secondary. My daughter knows a number of kids in her school from primary (she's now in Year 8) but she's actually not really close to them anymore and hangs out with the kids she met at secondary and/or from outside school (horse riding). Definitely get her involved with clubs and maybe ask her to invite one or two friendlier girls to hang out outside of school. Is there a class WhatsApp group? Is she on it? That's usually how they communicate

Gazelda · 16/09/2022 21:14

DD went to a secondary where she knew no one else. She's introvert and struggled for a bit.

She soon found herself chatting with others in her class, asking to borrow a pencil, admiring someone else's art, pairing up in games etc. It was tough, but she formed close enough friendships by the first half term.

I'd encourage her to try to get as many acquaintance type friendships as she can, rather than one BFF. Friendships can be a bit fluid in Y7 and she won't want to put all her eggs in one basket! Tell her to keep her options open.

mrsfollowill · 16/09/2022 21:33

Year 7 is a tough one! My DS is autistic to add into the mix - although most people just think he is a 'bit quirky or weird'. His big primary was a feeder to the big academy- kept to the mates he knew from primary initially, but the group expanded and there was a core of 8- 10 lads who came from all over/different schools, and they stuck together up to the end - he is still friendly with a couple of them, and they go out for a drink these days (20/21yrs old!) Better than a 'best friend' scenario to have a group.

mrsfollowill · 16/09/2022 21:36

They were all into computing/gaming and disliked football! That was their thing in common - does she have any particular interests? Into music? likes a particular show on TV? Sporty? - any common like can get people chatting and lead to a friendship.

Original poster
MrsThaskala · 16/09/2022 21:45

Thanks, that's what im hoping for. Bless them all. It's so hard. I mean I know you're right, but when you're 11 this is all important. She's joined the class WhatsApp now (lord help us) hahah, just don't know how to encourage friendships. I've said let's invite some kids over but it was like I was terribly uncool!

OP posts:
Drywhitefruitycidergin · 17/09/2022 11:22

My dd has just started yr7 & is the same in terms of not moving with others from primary. She's gradually mentioning a few different names & she's going to join some lunchtime clubs where I think she's likely to meet more like minded girls. (Not sexist - it's a girls school)
Also the bus trip seems to be another source of new acquaintances.
I am telling mine to just be herself, be nice to people & start conversations and it will come. There will be a lot of people feeling the same & it's only been 2 weeks!

titchy · 17/09/2022 11:23

Can she walk to the canteen with someone from her class, and hope the chat carries on in the food queue and then to the table? If the people she chats to in class are nice she could always say 'do you mind if I sit on this table' to them at lunch time.

BCBird · 17/09/2022 11:51

I'm a year 7 form tutor. It sometimes a little time but usually pupils settle. I agree re joining clubs it will start conversations with like- minded people.

Original poster
MrsThaskala · 18/09/2022 21:46

Thanks m'netters. I know you're right. Good to hear that others feel like that too.

OP posts:
Feetache · 19/09/2022 12:14

Encourage her to join lunchtime clubs

Readerofwords · 19/09/2022 12:28

I would also say that my DCs found that lunchtime clubs can be a bit of a slow burn at the start, so tell your DD not to be disheartened if that's the case. The kids who have plenty of friends from primary don't necessarily feel the need to go and the ones who don't know anyone are often too shy. But they do pick up as the term goes on and everyone settles in a bit.

TheBoxOfWhat · 19/09/2022 18:22

I think that those children who all congregate back together at lunch do so because they too are feeling a bit scared and so instead of trying out new friendships at first they just beeline for familiarity. It will take a couple of weeks. Ds2 is quirky and I worried a lot about him. He soon found his crowd and they are still friends and in sixth form together. I agree with titchy try to latch onto someone and keep with them in the lunch queue. It is what Ds1 did and he too had a friendship group where everyone bar him went to the same primary school.

Dixiechickonhols · 20/09/2022 13:53

It will open up as they mix over next few weeks. Hobbies can be a good way to expand circle eg Guides, dancing.

Booklove45 · 16/02/2023 17:46

Don’t worry - this is completely normal. With friends, maybe don’t try to have a ‘best’ friend, as I think the relationship can become more pressured. However, all of the other suggestions are really wise, and I would recommend all of them! Also - this happens to everyone!

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