Talk me through flexi-boarding

[LucillesLooseWheel]

DD is in Year 8 of prep school and is due to go to senior school next year - for year 9.

She is currently registered at the new place as a day pupil, but after a recent induction day, she arrived home and announced that she Will Now Be Flexi-Boarding.😭

My first instinct was to lock all the doors and never let her out of my sight again. But after weeks of ceaseless propaganda having given it some thought, DH and I are sort of coming round to the idea.

The new place is only a few miles away but could easily take 40 mins each way in rush hour and DD is arguing that boarding a few nights a week would give her almost an hour and a half extra per day to 'do homework' 🤔 thus leaving the weekends free for 'quality time with the family'🤔🤔

She will be almost fourteen, and is quietly pretty social. She is getting very bored of her two (pre-adolescent) brothers. It would be three nights per week, which can be changed to fit her needs on a weekly basis.

So, I have a few questions...

• Do they actually get any sleep, or it like when they have a sleepover at home...? 😱
• Do they actually get any work done in the allocated 'prep' time? Or do they just piss about with their mates and end up with a miserable, grumpy weekend doing it all last minute?
• What happens with laundry? Bringing everything to and fro sounds complicated...
• Any other pros/cons?

Any advice from more experienced Mumsnetters gratefully received.

Yes they sleep. It becomes routine. A second home. Yes. They do prep. It’s routine to do it. They should have a workspace for prep.

It’s far better than lengthy travel home. Lots did it where DDs went. Monday night to Thursday night. I don’t see why 3 nights though? 4 is standard. Working parents found it very good. One issue that always arose was weekend activities, eg sports, music concerts etc. Flexi snd day girls were more likely to be no shows.

Our school laundry was dire. Hot wash only! Shrinking standard! Mine were full boarders but we laundered undies and some delicate items at home. I would ask what laundry services are available.

Do they actually get any sleep, or it like when they have a sleepover at home...? 😱

Well for the first 2 or 3 nights it is like a sleepover over. However after a few bollockings from the House master / matron plus feeling like crap and knackered the next day they drop back into line

• Do they actually get any work done in the allocated 'prep' time? Or do they just piss about with their mates and end up with a miserable, grumpy weekend doing it all last minute?

Hmm a tough one - prep which let's say should take one hour focused work then takes four hours at home but at school )when the weather is good) it seems to get done in 30 minutes because they want to socialise with their mates.

• What happens with laundry? Bringing everything to and fro sounds complicated...

A lot of stuff comes home at the weekend, dumped in the laundry and is expected to be turned around by Sunday night. Bedding does get washed at school but at thermonuclear temperatures so please don't buy delicate expensive bedding. Anything that is not bedding or is not brought home at the weekends simply gets to smell or grow it's own new bacterial cultures.

• Any other pros/cons?
Pros - it gives your child some independence, responsibility, grown up feeling, prepares them for University, extra sleep for them and let's be honest a break for you.

Cons - the cost, not having full oversight of how your child is doing at school and whether they are working or dicking about. Occasional home sickness. Occasional boredom for them in the winter, resentment at being told what time to go to bed and other shockingly "unfair rules" like be asked to tidy up after yourself in the kitchen, not leaving the place in a mess and being rudely woken up by a sixth former in the morning rather than delicately by a parent.

Overall flexi boarding works for me and my DC.

DS is a weekly boarder. Works really well for us.

Do they actually get any sleep, or it like when they have a sleepover at home...? 😱 Yes they do, bedtime for Yr 9 at DS'S school is 9.30pm and lights will be off, they have to be on their beds, phones handed in.
Do they actually get any work done in the allocated 'prep' time? Or do they just piss about with their mates and end up with a miserable, grumpy weekend doing it all last minute? Prep is 1.5 hours every evening and they do, a lot easier getting work done at school than at home, plus they have house tutors and senior boys that can help them if they are unsure about work.
What happens with laundry? Bringing everything to and fro sounds complicated... All done for them at school. Socks/underwear every other day,other laundry once a week.
Any other pros/cons

Pros - No more 45min commute each way, DS was having to get home, eat and straight into prep. Also, he gets to spend the evenings with 'friends' doing several co-curricular in that time. More independence. To be quite honest, it suits DS because he is a self-starter and very organised. There are a few students who live within 3 miles and still do weekly boarding, so there must be other advantages for them than just commute.

Cons - You don't see him everyday, although you could call/message if you wanted to, as they have their phones with them all day and only submit before bed.

Dd boarded for 6th form. They did their own laundry. They had dedicated time for prep, they did sleep. Cons - terrible food!

Oh this is SOOOO helpful. Thank you everyone!

Some of the cons listed here would actually be pros for us! She is not massively organised by nature, and perhaps a bit too used to having me run around after her and make sure everything happens. Probably good for her to have to get a bit more independent.

Very good point about the homework getting done at warp speed if there is the incentive of fun with your mates when it's done - she really can drag it out at home.

I will miss her though.😢

From a parent who now has an 18yo I'm not sure how much you'd end up missing her compared to if at home.

Once they hit year 9 they tend to be out and about more with their friends anyway so she'd be out or at school. At least if she's boarding you know she's not home but where she is, that she's safe and that she has other adults who are supporting her.

She sounds like a teen you should be proud of.

Dd1 is in yr 8 of prep school. On the school bus it is nearly an hour to school. She boards one night a week and would love to do more but we are avoiding the cost! She loves it. It's a treat for her, the headmaster serves breakfast. She has an allotted bed and enjoys the lie in.

She does her prep before she comes home in any case so there is no change there. They have set bedtimes which are enforced. She did go for a taster day at another school including boarding and she said that was more zoo like - 8 in a dorm and they messed about for hours. She chose not to go there.

You can always try it and if it doesn't work out revert to day?

Thank you @Fudgeball123 - yes, that's what we're thinking. If it doesn't work, she can go back to being a day girl.

Zoo does not sound good... This school seems very well ordered in other ways and gets good academic results, so I guess it's unlikely that they let them stay up all night...

@LucillesLooseWheel

On the random off chance are you based in the SW? if so I might be able to let you know on our school experiences

@1dayatatime no - other end of the country unfortunately!

I think there’s always a bit of giggling and laughs after lights out. However it’s not a deal
breaker. Decent schools will have loads of after prep activities and she would surely stay for these anyway? My DDs did a huge amount at school and day girls had tea there anyway! They literally went home to sleep when they were older!

Washing for a few days isn’t onerous. You would do it anyway. Most people take stuff in and out in a big IKEA bag. As for food: DDs was restaurant quality. Salad bar always available and lots of choice.

I do think boards have to be a bit organised but stuff they need is always at school. No frenzy when they forget something that morning. I cannot see any cons at all.

@TizerorFizz if I know DD, she will sign up for literally all of the clubs, so I think you make a valid point!

I've just got visions of ending up with half of the PE kit at school and the other half at home, and 43 pairs of pants at school, but no socks! But, she needs to learn how to manage this stuff, I guess.

You won’t. We kept it separate. You name stuff that’s going to school. Even knickers! Keep it separate. Everything must be named. So it just goes in and out in a laundry bag. They won’t have endless storage either.

My son is 10 boarded regularly since he was 8 but not consecutive nights even at his age as long as stuff is named comes back with everything eventually, he sleeps really well and homework is done better at school then with us supervising at home.

My DD is a flexi boarder. It works well for us, she didn't want to commit to full boarding and being away from home all the time but enjoys being able to dip in and out and having a base at school and a base at home, the social/fun side of that but the ability to opt out and come home on the school bus if she's having a bad time for whatever reason.

She stays any three nights in the week and can change from week to week although she normally sticks with the same nights. It is very flexible and I suppose if for whatever reason we ever had to be away she could just stay at school without any fuss.

As far as I know prep gets done as they are all having to do it at the same time and can't put it off, music practice gets done, laundry gets done if needed but she brings most things home at the weekend for me to do, they do sleep, I don't have to think about feeding her for half the week and she can still keep up some evening home activities/clubs and friendship groups on the nights she comes home.

She has school on a Saturday morning and often matches in the afternoon so really that only leaves a Sunday for 'quality time with the family' although the reality is as they get older it seems they aren't so keen on family time anymore! Once it gets to Sunday I'm now quite resigned/happy for her to do nothing if that's what she wants to do!

My DDs tended to have quality time at school. A whole host of school events snd trips they could do. The house system adds to their enjoyment of school too. We also spent a lot of time seeing them in plays, concerts, dance and house suppers as well as chapel. We didn’t have sporty girls but other parents enjoyed that side of school life too. Staying over and joining in does give far more options for participation. Art is easier as the art studios are open. Clubs have meetings and they get all sorts of benefit from being in school. If she’s up for it, don’t hesitate.

Thanks again everyone. It sounds pretty unanimous. Are you all my daughter in disguise...?

I think we will probably go for it. Little to lose and much, it sounds, to gain.

I am also toying with the idea of flexi boarding for DD 15 but trying to make the numbers stack up as money is tight.

It's £45 per night versus £10 return bus, plus petrol to and from bus stop - probably another £10. Add in the misc other expenses food, hot water, power etc I reckon that easily comes to about £30, not to mention 2 hours of my day ferrying to and from bus stop.

DD really wants to give it a go so will have a long hard think. Reassuring to know it's not an all night rave and zero homework being done!

Piffle123 it's true when you consider the bus, your time and their wasted time on a bus. Ours enjoy the lie in.. we are also cash limited!

Thanks @Fudgeball123.
I think the only thing putting DD off is the food. Its raved about on the school website but DD says it's horrible and often skips lunch

@piffle123
You really should speak to the school about this. I wouldn’t be happy knowing a DD was skipping lunch. It’s not healthy or acceptable. Most schools have decent enough food. It’s also important to try new things and saying there’s nothing is unlikely to be true. I would contact the pastoral care team. Schools usually monitor eating. Our school definitely did. However they had brilliant food and were willing to help.