New classes in Y9, twins now together. What to do...

[thewalrus]

Would welcome some thoughts on our situation, please.

B/G twins. One-form intake primary, so they were together then. When they started secondary, secondary said it was good practice to separate twins (which it is!), but would listen to our views if they/we wanted them to be together. We asked for them to be separate, which they were. The school has two different 'populations' in each year, and had a top, middle, bottom set within each population across the year group.

This year they have changed things, so kids are set for Maths and Science, then in one class for all other subjects, based in part on their language choice (two French classes, one German across each population). So all the classes have been mixed up quite a lot, and my DTs are now in the same class for everything (both chose German, both are same set for Maths and Science - BUT there are still two populations so they could easily have been in different classes).

My dilemma is, now that it has happened, while they are not happy about it, neither wants to move. DD would probably be the obvious one to move - less friends in the current new class(es), a couple of really good friends in the other side of things - but she is not at all keen. This stems I think mostly from not wanting to rock the boat, as well as a (possibly legitimate) concern that it will take the school a while to sort it out and then she'll have to move once everyone is settled. She is quite anxious and very resistant to change.

I feel like I have to respect how they feel about it, but I do think them being in the same class will not be good for either of them. I am really cross with the school that they/we are in this position, but I don't know what to do - if anything - from here...

What is the issue with them being in the same class?

I would hold off doing anything and see how it goes, they are at a funny age being 13 as it is. Next year their start their GCSEs so will hopefully be separate (unless they started year 9-and if so if separate now)
if you separate now don’t chose which child moves let the school decide

So they don't want to be together, but neither wants to move?
Options

• suck it up
• they play rock paper scissors as to who asks to move
• you ask the school to choose one to move

You need to check that each population is equal. It may be that some populations are more equal than others, even if they don't say so.

I have twins but D/D Y8 in separate classes since primary. The best we ever done was to separate them. There was lots of jealousy going on about frenships etc.

Thanks for the replies. They haven't started GCSEs this year so that's one good thing!

Issues with them being in the same class:

1. They're not getting on terribly well at the moment - I'm concerned about them working together in small groups etc. I also think it'd be better for their relationship if they had some space, partly because:
2. It eats into their privacy and personal space. DD, in particular, doesn't like to tell us much about what happens at school. Their elder sister's reaction was 'oh great, I'll get all the gossip'.
3. They are quite competitive. DS is not as strong academically as DD and I'm not sure it'll be helpful if they hear each other's test scores etc.
4. DD struggles with her temper a lot at home. She can be horrible to her siblings and has occasional awful meltdowns. School will not be aware that she has any difficulties regulating her behaviour, but she does, and having her brother in her class may be a trigger for that.

I'm not concerned about friendship issues etc really. I imagine that is often quite different if you have same-sex twins, or twins with very similar interests, but they are quite different and won't really be finding friends from the same pool of people.

@TeenDivided sums up the situation very well I think. Issue is that they favour the 'suck it up' option and I'm not sure that's the right one to go for. It's a good point about if the populations are equal, I could do a bit of research about that.

Mine are both boys and now at separate secondary schools but were originally in one class at primary and then from end of yr 1 in separate classes. We had all the issues you mention above and especially 3 and 4. And I can imagine it’s worse when they’re teenagers!
If you possibly can, I’d get them separated. Emphasise to school the need for this to happen asap to minimise disruption - sounds like DD is the one to move, just get it done fast.

Definitely talk to the school about it then, aa you'll need them to be aware of the risks/adjustments if they stay, at least.

Thank you - this has been a really helpful way of clarifying my thoughts. I have emailed their HoY and the Deputy Head in charge of student groupings and will see what that discussion brings.

I'm a twin, I have a sister, and we were separated at primary school which was a good way to try to prevent reliance on each other and competitiveness, and basically to give us space to be ourselves rather than "the twins". At secondary school we were in different classes but the school year group was split into halves for arranging sets - we were in the same half group, and both being in top sets for everything meant that from Year 8 we spent more time in the same classes than different ones, same for maths, sciences and languages. By then we'd already had a good few years apart so it wasn't much of a big deal. If it would be beneficial to keep them having their own space then definitely worth pursuing.

I'm a twin and was with my other half from reception to gcse. You get compared a lot...

DD and DSS ended up in the same class in Y9. (The school had a policy of separating twins, but didn't count them as such, which they're not of course though they very much see themselves as siblings) It didn't really bother either of them - at least not enough that they wanted to move classes. I don't think it made competitiveness any worse - they could compare test scores regardless. DSS occasionally hid in his room when DD's friends were round because they weren't his friends but he knew them so felt a bit awkward. But there were benefits too - they did end up with some friends in common by Y11, so attended some of the same parties which was handy. And they had more to talk about and connect over having the same teachers, homework, etc.

I think the issue of separating twins to help them form their own identities applies more to same sex twins and at younger ages, not really an issue for boy/girl twins in secondary school.

Lots of schools only have one class per year group. I think twins are likely to be educated together.

Yes in a single form entry primary. Not by year 9. (Maybe for niche GCSE subjects)

Thanks for responses - I especially appreciate hearing from people who have experience of this situation. I've begun a conversation with the HoY about what happens and also been exploring DD's concerns about moving with her - I'm cautiously optimistic I might get her to decide to do it.

I'm increasingly clear in my own mind that I want them in separate classes - issue now is how to do this without either of them feeling pushed, and balancing that with the need to try to do it quickly. Thanks very much for helping me clarify it.

I realise no one will have been on the edge of their seat about this, but thought I'd update. Head of Year has been very helpful, explained to DD that it was a mistake and talked her through the other classes she'd be in. She's happily moving on Monday. I'm very relieved.

Good to hear you got it sorted. Hope she settles quickly in the new class

Good news and like the sound of their HoY :)

Well done HoY.