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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Y7 adjustment

15 replies

ISaySteadyOn · 06/09/2022 08:23

Is there anything I can do to help DD adjust to secondary school? I know it is early days but if there is anything anyone with experience can tell me that would be great. Thank you!

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TeenDivided · 06/09/2022 08:25

What is she struggling with?
I would say

  • empathy that it will get easier
  • support her in packing bags, remembering things, organising homework
  • opening sentences to help make friends
ThatWillBeAll · 06/09/2022 08:28

I agree with @TeenDivided. Supporting her at home, making things run smoothly there. Maybe book something lovely for a couple of weeks time so there is something to look forward to.

TeenDivided · 06/09/2022 08:28

There's a couple of other threads on this board about starting y7 which may have useful tips.

ISaySteadyOn · 06/09/2022 09:30

Thanks. I am already doing many of those so that is reassuring. I should point out that today is her second day but I wanted to ask early.

She is a quiet, bookish sort and so am I. I am not sure what would be good opening sentences to make friends. She says there are nice people there which is a start.

And, afaic, this week is all about her so that she has a buffer of support from home.

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Plumbear2 · 06/09/2022 09:53

I got a wall calender for my kids to write when homework was due and cross it out when it was done. It helped us both keep an eye on it and I could prompt if it wasn't done in time.

TeenDivided · 06/09/2022 09:57

Basic openers
Which school did you got to?
Have you had x subject yet
Are you joining any clubs
Teacher Z is a bit strict
Did you see x last night on TV
Do you know where x is

BlueChampagne · 06/09/2022 10:58

If there is a homework app, make sure you download it too. Ours gives extra info such as lunchtime/after school clubs available - get her to try some of these over the next few weeks to meet like-minded souls.

ISaySteadyOn · 06/09/2022 11:05

Thank you! That's all incredibly helpful!

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ISaySteadyOn · 07/09/2022 08:31

One thing I am worried about. Her punctuality. In primary school, obviously, it was my responsibility and I tried my hardest to get her there on time. However, there were no real consequences for her if she was late. But secondary is a different kettle of fish and eventually she will get in trouble for being late because I have 2 other DC to get to school and she will have to go on her own. Now, I think this will be good for her, but she will hate it. How do I help?

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steppemum · 07/09/2022 08:43

When my first one started secondary someone said to me, it is really tough between now and Christmas. Mid November is the low point - dark nights, tiredness, long term etc. Then they finally make it to Christmas, when they get back after Christmas it all seems easier.

Don;t underestimate the tiredness. Everything new - class, kids, teachers, building, systems, rules etc. Negotiating all that is exhausting. Once that passes it improves.

It seemed really negative at the time, but as the term went on I was glad she had said it.

ISaySteadyOn · 07/09/2022 08:46

I read that on here during the summer so have been keeping it in mind.

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mondaytosunday · 07/09/2022 09:01

One thing is if she says she's struggling with something don't say 'oh it will be fine' as I think that comes off as not taking it seriously.
My daughter didn't care about the new teachers or added workload etc - she was worried she wouldn't be able to find the loo or who to sit with at lunch. Talking through what she might do if faced with these issues helped. It's easy to say 'just ask a teacher' but not if you are shy and the only teacher you see is male. So we talked through a couple strategies (look for it at break so you know where it is, and so on).

PizzaFunghi · 07/09/2022 09:17

If she's worried about punctuatlity ,help her to think through what time she needs to leave in order to get there about 10 min early.

Then talk through some of the things that might happen to delay her - bus/train issues, cycling - can't find a place to lock her bike or it's further away than expected, lock is lost or doesn't work properly, etc; walking - distracted by others, tempted to stop at shop, getting a bit lost, etc; leaving the house - forgetting something and needing to go back; not finding something important that she needs etc, problems locking up. And build in some buffer time for things like that delaying her, so that she's not worried about being late if it happens.

Finding solutions for as many of the above as possible - packing bag the night before, finding all uniform/keys, checking bus/trains/bike tyres, etc. Or in advance - finding out alternative routes or timetables, or what to do in case something happens.

When you've decided on a leaving time, see if she is able to plan herself to get ready for that time (maybe on a weekend). If not, start working backwards with her to plan how long various steps of getting ready need. You can use reminders on her phone or alexa or whatever to prompt however many stages are needed, including the final 'you should be leaving the house by now' one.

You can adjust how much (if any) support she needs, once you see if there are any problems and what they are in her getting herself there on time.

Also find out what consequence there is for lateness; if it's issues beyond her control like buses/trains, you can phone in to explain. If it's detention, that might make her really anxious - often it gets easier once they've had one, as then they know what to expect, and that it's annoying and boring, but not actually awful, and that eases their mind a little so that they don't panic about being late.

ISaySteadyOn · 07/09/2022 11:43

She is not anxious or worried about being late at all. I am because she moves like a snail and doesn't actually care that much. She never has really despite my best efforts. That's what I meant by eventually she may get in trouble.

We have talked about what a detention could be like and how it's not terrible but you'd rather not get one if you can avoid it.

We've also talked about how to talk to people. I showed her a PP conversation openers and she cringed but she did read them thoroughly.

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ISaySteadyOn · 07/09/2022 11:44

Thank you everyone. This thread is helping keep me calm which is exactly what she needs me to be.

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