Moving forms after major surgery?

[JoanneH12]

Hi all, my daughter has just started high school and has been separated from her best friend. They are in no classes together and she doesn't get along with the only girl she is in form with.

My daughter is about to have major surgery end of Sptenber/October where they're going to break through her both thigh bones and reset them with plates and screws. When she goes back to school she will be in a wheelchair and will need alot of help moving around school. Would it be reasonable for me to ask for her to be moved forms to be with her best friend? I'm also worried friendship groups are going to be made whilst she is at home in bed for 6 weeks and she is going to come back and have no friends in her class.

Any advice or opinions would be great.

Thanks

I'd be more concerned that there are only 2 girls in the whole class.

I would talk to school about the logistics of her getting round in a wheelchair, but not the best friend bit. School may be able to come up with a better solution.

All the best with her operation.

This is your 2nd post on this, although in the other one the other girl in her class is the only one from her Primary school rather than the only one full stop.
Its going to be difficult for your DD I appreciate but you can’t rely on another child to manage this, the school needs to

No, it wouldn’t be reasonable, OP. It’s not your daughter’s former best friend’s responsibility to look after her at school in any circumstance. And by the time your daughter returns to school the friend will inevitably have made other friends and shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that.

As PP have said, managing your daughter’s reintegration is a matter for the school staff. And something that should be well within their capabilities. Do talk to them. And have more faith in your daughter! There’s no reason why she shouldn’t go on to make new friends even while recovering from her surgery.

There is every chance that your DDs current best friend will have moved on / made new friends in her form and be a bit peeved that's she expected to take responsibility for a primary school friend.

I know that sounds harsh, but DD was in a form with no other girls from her primary school and had made new friends within a couple of weeks of starting secondary. The primary friendships are still there, but not as close as they once were after a year at secondary.

Ask the school what support they can put in place. There will likely be others in her form who would be glad to help your DD when she gets back to school.

No, I don't think the school would move her because it's unfair on the other friend. I would ask the school what support they can give her, including during the six week absence as that may be more of a factor regarding friendships.

Why have you started two separate threads on this?

I actually think this could be why they have separated them so the friend doesn’t end up falling into the carer role in school.

talk to school about what they will have in place to support her but that shouldn’t involve other pupils on a big scale.

I was going to add, now is the time for your daughter to be expanding her friendship groups - there will be after school clubs, other girls in her form who she will no doubt develop relationships with - you need to be encouraging her to do that rather than worrying about her not liking the other girl from primary school on her form.

She'll pick up on your anxiety - I hope you've not told her that your thinking of asking the school to move her form, but encourage her to talk to others in her form, get their mobile numbers so she can keep in touch by text while she's off etc.

Apart from what's already been mentioned if your child was to move it would mean another child would also have to move forms to make room after they have already settled, really unfair. My

Talk to the school about how things will work after surgery (we've had a similar conversation re ds1 as he's awaiting foot surgery). At our school the child works in a designated classroom and work is brought to them. Might be different at your school depending in how busy it is and how wheelchair accessible I guess.

Haven't seen your other thread @JoanneH12 but can I just reassure you that DS had that operation at a similar age. He's a grown up now and works as a sports coach and PT and is incredibly fit and active. No lasting ill-effects from the surgery.

As for friendships, his friendship group shifted at 13-14 anyway and his friends from then are still very close now, 10 years on. I think this is quite common.