Year 7 mobile phone advice needed - all help gratefully received!

[Latenightmarker]

Hi,
DD1 (almost 11) is going into Year 6 (we also have DD2 going into Y4).
We realise she will need a mobile phone for starting Year 7 and that it will probably have to be a smartphone - we know that she will need to be able to join class chats etc. We have generally been fairly strict about screens so far - DDs don't have their own tablets, they do play things like Minecraft but not online with friends, they have a Nintendo Switch (they saved up!) but don't have the online option. They don't really go on You Tube. They email friends sometimes but they don't currently use social media (apart from posting emojis on the Family Whatsapp group using our phones.) It isn't that we have banned You Tube and social media - more that they don't get much screen time a day and they would rather use it for playing Zelda etc on the Switch!
We already have "no phones during meals" and "no phones in bedrooms" rules in the house which we stick to as adults - partly to show the DD that screen boundaries can apply to us too!

We are really desperate for advice from kind mumsnet users who have been through this, on navigating the scary world of phones for Year 7s! We realise that things will then change as she gets further into her teens, but for next September:

1. What phone works well? And data or pay as you go?
2. What controls/locks did you put on the phone that were useful/didn't work?
3. What rules about phones did you put in place for a Y7 child that were useful/didn't work?
4. What can we do this year to get her ready for having access to a phone?
5. Anything else that we haven't thought of? Or any other advice that you would give us? Thank you!

1. Google Family Link is good for limiting the time they can use their phones for and turning access off for the night etc. Also it limits the websites they can access in that a message gets sent to the parents phone to approve the site for the first time they want to access it.

Payg including data bundles, eg Asda.

Check the phone regularly.

Get it Easter y6 so time for novelty to wear off before secondary.

Preowned is better value.

We started with a brick phone in Year 5 - it helped to get them used to taking a phone out and about with them, the idea of keeping it charged up, and letting us know when they were running out of credit. We made showing they could use it responsibly a condition for getting a smartphone in Year 7.

My tip for year 7 is that they do not talk to anyone that they do not know who it is (or at least is in something like a year group chat). Check regularly. Talk about what they are using their phone for in an open way - don't be judgemental. Better to keep lines of conversation open than have them hide stuff.

DD used to have an emergency dumb phone which we swapped the sim card from when she got a smart phone, the sim cost is only £3.99 from ID mobile a month and comes with some data but largely she uses wifi.

Phone wise as a teacher I've seen the upset from students when theyve dropped their new iPhone and cracked the screen or lost it so I was keen for DD to have a functional phone that did not cause that sort of worry. I try to teach her that with luxury purchases if you can't afford to buy it twice you can't afford to buy it once. I certainly wouldnt be able to replace an iPhone if it got lost/stolen/broken.

I opted for a Nokia 5.4 bought it outright from Nokia in a bundle with a case, bluetooth earpods for less than £200 she got it for her birthday which is conveniently in Sept. The Nokia reputation stands, she has dropped it lots and it still looks brand new, the battery life is good, cameras are brilliantly, operating system is fit for purpose not quite as fast or smooth as an Iphone and she can access all the apps she needs.

In terms of parental controls we originally had google family link but it didnt work brilliantly for us (or I set it up wrong) it wouldnt let her access things she needed to. I removed it from her phone on the understanding that just like her laptop I would be checking regularly about what she was sending and receiving. I didn't want her using Whatsapp to begin with, she was used to using Skype from lockdown but we got to the stage when literally all of her friends were using Whatsapp so we discussed how to use it safely and I check it regularly.

She does not take it to school as she does not have far to travel and she walks but it has been useful as she gets more independence and is out with friends or on trips with school or sports clubs.

My DCs had basic smartphones for their 11th birthdays so they had chance to navigate some of the trickier aspects amongst friends we knew. DC1 is five years older than DC2 so phones changed a fair bit in that time meaning DC2's first phone was and ebay-purchased secondhand iPhone 5SE (£30). They both have EE £1 per week PAYG packages which give them a bonus of extra data, minutes or texts every 12 weeks. DC1 is nearly 18 now and there isn't a single pay monthly deal that would give as much data as they've now qualified for on the EE deal. It's worked well being weekly because if they ever run out, it's only a few days before they will have a new allowance.

In terms of safety and limits, phones are charged outside of their bedrooms overnight until they've finished Y11. DC1's was being switched off at 10.30/11pm during Y11 so they avoided getting caught up in any middle-of-the-night drama but also so friends knew not to expect a reply after that time as DC1 would be working or sleeping. DC2 is in Y8 and has different limits - I use the screentime tools on their iPhone to limit use to 30 minutes on games, messaging and social media whilst allowing Duolingo and the school homework app to be accessed for an unlimited amount of time. The internet was initially not accessible on DC2's phone but this has flexed; first to allowing pre-approved websites and then to allowing most websites. Rules include no photos of anyone who doesn't want to be photographed, no phones in the bathroom, never take photos of body parts usually covered by underwear, check with everyone in a photo before sharing it anywhere... and don't write anything a grandparent might find rude. They know to report anything worrying to an adult and either to ask the adult to help them report it on or to report it on themselves. I reserve the right to check their phones whilst I'm paying for them but in reality, I've not checked DC1's for years now and ask DC2 to show me things sporadically.

I don't track locations of either of them but they will sometimes share their location if they want me to meet them somewhere or they've changed plans. Neither of them shares their location with friends as default but each has a couple of friends it is shared with. I have mobile numbers for a number of their friends (and for some of the parents of those friends) which is handy when batteries have run out and I'm being called by an apparently random number.

Dd has an iPhone (older model) pay as you go, her current price plan is £4 per month, unlined texts, 10gb data and unlimited calls.
Initially we had it locked down fully, but gradually have allowed more freedoms with it. She can't have TikTok or any other social media apps. We have find my phone on there and if it goes missing I can lock it from my account.
Phone gets handed to me at bedtime every night and gets put on charge. I do spot checks from time to time, but I'm completely honest with her about this and she knows her phone is not 'private' (if she wants a private / burner) she can save up and pay for it herself

Christmas of year 6 as was normal for the school. One of our old iPhones (needs to be new enough to run current apps) with the promise of a newer model for Christmas next year if it was looked after. DC’s phone is in a contract attached to one of ours. Two years in, she’s still worried about using up data.

I think it’s important to get them used to WhatsApp while you know the parents. The little misunderstandings were sorted quickly via parents if necessary. As well as learning etiquette such as not giving out others’ numbers, not hassling for replies every 30 seconds and not spamming groups.

I think our bigger problem is the younger sibling. If I was doing it again, we’d decide on what the sibling without a phone is allowed to do - and I don’t have an answer. “Why can’t I use the iPad? She’s on her phone. It’s not fair!”

DD gets my old iPhone when I upgrade every two years. She has a sim-only contract and it's insured with ProtectMyBubble.

She's very techy and as an only child, online was a lifeline during lockdown. She's also pretty sensible, so we don't really limit what she can and can't access.

She also has an iPad with keyboard for school (very dyslexic plus hypermobile fingers) and same rules apply to that.

But... there are rules:

• no snapchat or anything with disappearing messages
• FindMyPhone is enabled at all times
• All Apps have to be pre-approved by a parent before download (we get a notification when she wants one)
• Stupid apps (games etc) are on a delete one for a new one basis
• All social media accounts must be locked down and only people she knows in person can be friended
• We have the right to look at all tech at any time (I tend to have a sneaky check of the WhatsApp messages once a week)

In 2 years, I've had to have words once about locking a social media account down and that's it. School WhatsApp was surprisingly drama free.

She has Apple Music, Office 365 and Netflix installed via our family account.

DD is very keen on her tech, which means threats to confiscate if x,y,z isn't done are extremely effective!

Following this as in the same situation.

We had an email from school a few months ago talking about some bullying happening on the class WhatsApp group - all I could think of was how on earth is anyone in year 5 allowed their own WhatsApp on their own phone!

Firstly are you an Android or an Apple family? Because its easier to set up controls using the same.

A hand-me down phone might be a google place to start.

We have a SIM only deal via BT that's, £21 per month for 3 SIMs the more SIMs you take the bigger the discount. DSs will not allow him to go over the limits or spend money.

We got it last year digging an old phone out the cupboard due to primary school peer pressure. However I intend to get him a newer more reliable phone at Christmas getting ready for secondary.

Things now I'd be tempted to let them have the Switch online before their circle of friends grows wild. Get them used to talking to friends online. And understand that they should only have friends they know. I'm wary of friends of friends but as long as they are kids I don't mind too much, ie DS has a school friends cousin on XBox who he hasn't met but it seems silly to exclude another child.

Cheap and cheerful. Swappie or carphone warehouse for a refurbished old model. Ds is starting secondary and got an Apple SE so not an expensive issue if broken or stolen. Apple has easy parental controls, DCs phone turn off at 9pm so no late night messages here.

Let them have the phone at Easter before moving up to secondary. They will get used to using it, and will be able to add their friends details before the summer break, especially if all going to different schools.

We use tesco mobile pay monthly as a family. I was the lead and could see if any odd patterns of use started happening.

We did not allow access to stuff like facebook/Snapchat etc until age requirements were met. No phones after 8pm on a school night, charging station was downstairs overnight... for ALL of us, model the behaviour you want to see from them.

My girls were happy with our rules. At 15/16 they got total freedom and there were no issues.

Massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post - we are really grateful for all your advice and feedback on your own experiences. We hadn't even thought about giving the phone during Y6, to get used to it with an existing group of friends - that makes so much sense. And all the suggestions for PAYG packages and things like Google Family Link are really useful.
We are an Android family, so we will go with that for DD, with a pre-owned cheap and cheerful phone. We had already wondered whether it might be good for DD to get used to using Minecraft and the Switch online with her current friends this year, so it is good to hear other people have found that helpful.
It is so reassuring to hear that there are others in the same situation as us@SheldontheWonderSchlong !
And also incredibly reassuring to hear that there are people who have managed to navigate this with DC and arrive at 15/16 without major issues - eg @BeyondMyWits
Thanks again to everyone

I'd definitely give her a phone during this year. Christmas or Birthday whenever is the most suitable point in time.

I think a contract attached to your account is easier than PAYG, but that's a shop around. Contracts can be capped so they can't spend more than their allowance of data, text and minutes.

Your rules sound very similar to ours (and DD is now 15).

Would second most of the advice on here, but also add that you can get better controls than Google Family Link - we have ended up with Ourpact, which allows us to set off times, but also to allow some apps all the time, and set a time limit for the day. Worth every penny we have spent on it.

Lots of good advice here OP. Definitely think about access to a mobile from the summer of Y6, and instigate a no phones in bedroom overnight rule for a Y7.

I don't agree with the 'model no phone access from 8pm for all family members including the adults' suggestion though. If you hope that DC will go to university and live in a hall of residence (I appreciate this will seem a million years away for a parent of a Y6 child but it'll come around fast!) then they have to get used to having their phone in their room overnight - there won't be an option to leave it anywhere else. Well, not securely, anyway. So, in time, as a parent it might make more sense for you to model how to manage sensible overnight phone access rather than banning it for everyone completely.

Get one in Yr6. Embrace the upsides. Don't get too paranoid but monitor and let them learn, it's just part of growing up now

I'm following this but having a panic as I've only got a week to sort it out.

I'm probably going to give DS my old phone and just get a SIM monthly deal for £9 from my existing provider and then I have parental controls being on a family plan. Does this sound ok?

We have Android but I'm confused about location services. Most safety articles say turn these off for kids. But then what about the 'find my phone' thing? And should I be setting up a Gmail account for him and using the Google family link?

@Mumteedum that sounds fine to me. When you ask for his SIM they can put a cap on it so he cannot go over the allowances, or do things like donate to charity by sending a text to x number.

Yes set him up with Gmail and Google Family link.
Family link give you control over apps, what they download, certain apps can be available unlimited (I have music, Google classroom, and a couple of educational apps unlimited), stuff with time limits (youtube) and you can have time so at certain times it will only let them access the phone and the unlimited apps.

I'd leave the tracker on. So you have the find the phone thing and can see where kids are.

We have also taken to using the family calendar via Family link - so DH and I can see what each other have on so we avoid both us being out on the same night.

Thanks @Dinoteeth That's v helpful.