Disengaged 13 year old - how to fix?

[WhiteCatmas]

My 13 year old DS is about to enter year 11 (NI) in September. He’s never really liked school, despite a lot of potential, he scraped into a grammar school that isn’t a great fit for him, he has ASD and covid/home schooling has pretty much killed any interest he had.
He’s a good boy and does well at the subjects he’s interested in, but anything else he tanks.
I’m looking at other schools but because his reports are not great it would likely be a worse rated school than the one he’s in.
I was also going to set up a meeting with his new head of year to see if we could address some of the issues he’s having (he doesn’t like the boys in his tutor group so doesn’t turn up, he doesn’t eat lunch due to bullying so he is drained) but I’ve spoken to the school before and feel like I’m screaming into a void. I thought maybe a SENCO meeting or some further intervention from an educational psychologist might help?
Sort of clutching at straws here.
help?

How well do you think the school is meeting his needs? Does he have an EHCP?

Since he is being bullied and you say he’s not a good fit for the school, I would be looking at moving him to a new school in September. Have him come with you to tour schools and speak to staff so it can be a joint decision. That should include the SENCO at the new school.

I think you have a square peg round hole problem- it’s more important that the school be a good fit and he feels comfortable there than be the highest rated. I say this as my DD with ASD chose a small village school over a large city school because she preferred a small school where you get to know everyone and don’t feel like “a lemming among sheep” (her words).

@lovelyjubblyjubilee I get the feeling that the school doesn’t ‘get’ him. They do have assistance for children with needs but the kids being helped seem to be mocked. He doesn’t have an ECHP. His symptoms are mild, the waiting lists for formal assessment are long, he usually copes ok if the teacher is empathetic. When they aren’t it goes badly. I’m wondering if we should persue a formal assessment privately.

@Discovereads I would love to move him elsewhere but his reports are poor and a good school is unlikely to take him. I’d have to move him to a worse school.

An academically worse school might have better pastoral care and better support for pupils with SEN though. Which might be just what he needs.

Is that how it works in NI? Can they actually refuse a place due to a poor report?

A less academic school might have a lot more understanding and empathy for him, and he might not be bullied. Anecdotally grammar can be a poor fit for autistic kids, there can be less support and understanding when they struggle. Maybe start by talking to your current SENCo and see if they engage with the problem though.

I'm not sure of the system in NI. Does it really matter if he tanks some subjects, or does he just need to hold out long enough to drop them? The early specialisation in England can really suit "peaky" kids. But results aside he sounds completely overwhelmed and miserable.

@NancyJoan we have a bizarre system here where each secondary school as their own entrance criteria. One will not even accept applications unless his attendance at his current school is 95%+.