Disappointing Y7 parents' transition evening

[casaberry]

Just home from DS's new secondary for the Y7 transition event for parents and am feeling a bit down about it. It's a good local comprehensive, not the top school in the area but it has really good results, so we've been fine with going there.

The evening got off to a decent start with short talks from the head and an assistant head, then we got to meet the form tutor along with all the other parents of kids in the group. There was a huge focus on behaviour, rules, demerits. I know the children are going to be teenagers soon and those are not easy, compliant years but the balance felt off. There was very little about the excitement of learning that's ahead of them, very little inspiration. Now I'm worried we're stuck in a school that will be "good enough" but not great, where our child will do well "despite" the school, not excel "because" of it. I'm actually thinking of putting him on the waiting list for the school that was our first choice but was too far away to get into.

Am I over-reacting? Basing too much on a brief meeting? Very few children from our primary go to this school, so it's hard to get a sense of what parents really think of it.

If you don't get behaviour right then nothing else will be right.
However it does sound like a negative start.

Possibly overreacting, the dcs' school has a talk around now setting out expectations (uniform, behaviour, support from parents around phones etc) and then another evening in September when there is much more about learning/attitude to learning/motivation etc. - which makes sense because there is some movement over summer.

We were very put off by one school we visited that was very big on Rules, and Rules that the kids showing us round couldn't give any justification for when we asked them. It is a thing that can work for some kids who need it, but it can create anxiety for kids (like our oldest) who are 'good kids' and get scared of the discipline.

The problem is that the kids who do not automatically follow the rules will dominate and ruin your child's learning experience if they're not 'reminded'. And a little reminder to the parents doesn't do any harm. You can experience the wonders of literature or science far better when the wee shites know how to behave.

As a high school parent with friends at different schools it's probably an accurate indication of what's coming, Ours is very good at getting balance right & still holistic approach. Other schools are very rules rules rules
Each to their own

They did this at my kids induction evening ( altho we did get chance to visit each department aswell) It went well, I knew what was expected so I could discuss it with my son. These rules where outlined again during the pupils induction days and every day during the first term. Kids need to disapline at high school, to many lessons where ruined by kids disrupting lessons in primary and my son welcomed it by seeing this was not going to be the case at secondary. They have to start as it needs to continue.

I came back from ours last night. The head did the bit in the hall - the exciting journey etc.and then a session with the tutor.
The tutor went through expectations, answered questions etc. I’m no longer a tutor but it was exactly the same when I did it as a teacher. Our brief was to explain the school routines and how things worked and answer questions. Not about the inspiration etc. (The head had done that in the hall.)

Dd school is full of silly rules about hair and uniform but bullying and bad behaviour is rife.
Supposedly an "outstanding" school (hasn't been inspected for over ten years), however all they seem to care about is uniform.

Having just given an induction evening (very much along the same lines as you describe) I can tell you that the reasoning is that it takes a while for messages to get through about uniform and behaviour and our main goal is to make parents fully aware of expectations.

This save countless issues once they start school because parents should be well aware that kids can’t wear trainers or that they will be expected to have a reading book everyday.

We know that students starting Year 7 will need a lot of support from home to start successfully and we want to make sure that all questions are answered before they start. I had one parent debate about what was considered trainers and another tell me that their child likes to be known by a particular name. Neither of these were problems because we’d discussed them before they started. They would have been problems come Sept if no one was aware.

School rules can seem random but they are often about either safety or fairness (phones cause more safeguarding issues than all other sources of concern put together).

Totally normal. My kids school is outstanding and we had this (and tbf one of the reasons it's outstanding is there is very little tolerance for poor behaviour)

Ours was similar but I was pleased - shit behaviour ruining the learning experience for others is something I'm concerned about, so I was glad to see they are on it from the start.

You can experience the wonders of literature or science far better when the wee shites know how to behave.

Couldn't have said it better myself 😂

OP, there will come a time in your ds's secondary years when you will be wishing they were even tougher on behaviour (assuming it isn't your ds that has turned into a wee shite!).

See how it goes, I don't like our local super strict school so we haven't sent DD there. When we looked round it was all about punishment when they are bad, not all the opportunities available.

Lots of friends have chosen the school though and some children are really happy, whilst some are not. A friend says in reality it isnt as "strict for the sake of it" as it sounds. There is no harm in joining the waiting list for the other school, forgetting about it, then seeing how you all feel if a place comes up.

I think they are correct to set out their expectations so there can be no misunderstanding about their policies. Our local outstanding boys school comes down on them hard in the first half term. I truly believe they whip them into shape in the first 6 weeks to make them understand what is required of them over their time at the school. FIne by me - DS starts in september.

I would have thought though that you would have been on the waiting list for your first choice anyway - is that not the case?

You are being ridiculous. Schools without good systems are not going to be able to get good results. If you want a better sales pitch and some baloney then do sign up for another school but you need to remember you are not buying a car.

I agree with others but I see your point too. I'd maybe want a balance between the rules, how school values are lived out and all the fun and joy that's to come.
My Y7 daughter is speaking at transition evening tomorrow evening. Her speech is about all the things she has enjoyed in her first year - being in the school show, making things in Tech/food, learning Spanish, making new friends, 'finding her people', clubs, sport. She can't get enough of it all!

Telling parents and children the rules matters so that parents also understand the escalation and severity of punishment in secondary compared to primary.

If a child messes around in class in year 6 they might lose part of their play time, if this continues in class then they might lose all of their play time. Get into secondary and mess around you get a verbal warning, keep messing around it becomes a negative in your planner. Do that in a couple of lessons and it becomes a detention. Cue a parent arguing over the punishment dished out.

If you don't have behaved children you can't teach them well and the students suffer. We chose a school with strict rules including uniform because I knew my children would want to learn stuff and I knew other children would just piss around.

Feedback to the school that they could have hyped up new subject learning etc

Also, the hype about subjects is what opening evening is for. That’s when individual departments really go all out to show you what subjects will offer. Form tutors will be a member of a department and will only really know what their department is offering. I like primary we are masters of one subject. I have no idea what the science curriculum is or what they do in Year 7. I would be the wrong person to hype that up.

I'm so sad we never had last year this due to Covid.

In primary the children are largely working with one or two adults who know them well, who have possibly known them for several years, and who are pretty alert to their little ways and quirks and often allow some leeway because they know them so well. This can be something as tiny as a look or a quiet “Thankyou James” to a child who always takes a few seconds longer to settle than most, or knowing which children you need to keep at arms length apart in Assembly.

In secondary school they will be working with a number of new to them teachers who are themselves working with a hundred plus children . Both the teachers and the children need to know exactly where they stand, and the best way is to both make the expectations crystal clear and enforce them if necessary. It is easier to lay those expectations out early in the process so there aren’t any surprises in September.

There are always some ( children and sadly their parents who have chosen the school in the first place) who think they can push the boundaries with uniform, equipment, phones, shoes etc and believe the rules don’t apply to their little snowflake. They will have their moment in a sad face DM article, but it doesn’t do the child any favours in the long run. Settle in first and become known for better and more positive things than a whinge about school rules.

Don’t forget schools haven’t done these for a couple of years due to COVID. My current Yr 7 started after only having only been in to the school for 1hr at a “get to know you session” which was with a group of 9 others outside on a netball court.
As parents we didn’t get anything at all.
Maybe the schools were just out of practice. Personally I would be grateful if I had a chance to see inside the school and see the teachers.

I'd have been impressed tbh. Schools can give you all the lovely inspirational spiel about the joys of learning, but it's all window-dressing tbh. I've been through umpteen open days/evenings asa teacher and a parent, and a couple of transition days as a parent. The self-promotion at these events bears little resemblance to the day-to-day reality of school life in even a decent comprehensive.

It is more honest and useful for them to set out their expectations to students and parents. If they are focussing on rules, behaviour and demerits, trust me, there will be a very good reason to do so. Behaviour in many, many schools atm is really bad. Many parents have no idea how much bad bad behaviour therecan be, even in supposedly good schools.

I don't think that's that bad, tbh. Transition from primary to secondary is a huge event. They need to know what's to be expected. And it's better for school to have parents on board. I'd rather my child goes to the school with expectation with good behavior than somewhere children can behave badly and distract learning.

I think you’re being ridiculous. It’s secondary school and crucial they set expectations from the start. It’s not pre school any more!

We got a similar talk, for every minute they're dealing with someone disrupting the class that's a minute they're not teaching. Ours have a Move and Remove policy and the head of discipline also said in front of the parents "if you don't like the rules you are free to move your child elsewhere" it lays down their expectations so we can't say we didn't know.