It’s interesting how everyone e using tutors thinks they are levelling the playing field.
State school families think their kids will have covered less than Prep kids,so feel they need tutors to level the playing field. Then Prep families hear state school kids have tutors with good success records for local schools and very targeted tutoring (probably more focused than the 11+ work done at their Prep where multiple schools with different exams are being prepped for) so decide they need a tutor to level the playing field too. And it’s a tutoring arms race. Some start saying an hour a week isn’t enough and they’ve heard of people doing 3 hours etc etc.
Sometimes people think a tutor means you pay your cash and can let go of the responsibility and burden. It’s often not the case. Tutors will want kids to do Hwk and it will be parents who have to schedule and organise it and in lots of cases sit with their kids as they do it. That whole issue of potential conflict between parents and kids still exists. Plus even with tutors a parent has to be proactive and think a head about timescales and getting everything covered. It’s the same with Prep schools. Parents might think the6ve paid so can now forget it, but often find they need to do more than they thought they would. And if they don’t, but back off entirely, the impact and benefit is far less.
Having gone through it a couple of times, I know it’s a horrid phase. Our kids actually went to Prep. We had a choice of 2 good local Preps. One was the Junior of the local successful independent senior of choice and could give entry to the senior on recommendation without need for entrance exam. The other was a Prep which was prepping for a far wider range of schools, including boarding schools far away. We chose the latter. At certain points during 11+ prep, I thought I must have been mad not to go to the Prep where the exam stress could have been avoided. However, with hindsight we felt we made the right choice. The Prep we didn’t go to seemed rather complacent as they didn’t need to prep for exams, and although the majority did go into the senior, a good number of them probably wouldn’t have got in ‘on the open market’ and subsequently were the strugglers throughout school and those who later faced 6th form options they didn’t like at the school, because GCSE results weren’t good enough for the A Level options they wanted. Quite significant numbers of those who came form the feeder Prep went elsewhere for 6th Form as a result. They hadn’t always had a happy time at the senior, if they’d sneaked in, but really struggled.
And the 11+ prep, although miserable at the time, had advantages. Just doing the work improved the maths of my kids immensely and meant they started the senior school (which they got into by passing the exam) much stronger. That Prep which prepped for lots of different schools was entirely different to the feeder junior school. It was both ambitious and prepped throughly for both 11+ and 13+ but it also prepped for a wide range of those if schools and those which would accommodate different abilities, so all the kids could go to a school which suited them, rather than being under pressure to squeeze the not quite so able into the linked senior, which really wasn’t quite right for them.
In the end, some level of work is needed to give the kids the best chance of getting places, even if it’s more familiarisation than full home or paid tutoring. I think it’s also important to hold fairly lightly to any individual school and to have a range of options. Some schools don’t suit some kids. It’s important to accept that rather than to try to shoe horn them in and to be devastated and unwittingly make them feel like failures, if they don’t get places. The big message they need to hear is that YOU as parent have it in hand. YOU are making sure there will be a good school for them. You might need them to do some work as part if the journey snd process, but they can rest assured that at the end, you will ensure there’s a good school for them.
The trouble comes when parents badmouth some schools or strongly favour one option over others. Sometimes they do it directly to their kids. Other times they do it whilst talking to other adults, in hearing of their kids. That’s when anxiety and pressure which 10 year olds shouldn’t have to face creeps in and fear of failure. They need to know that you’ve got it in hand. They need to know you’ve got confidence in the school they get. You have to deliver that message.