Language immersion at early secondary level?

[ExcusedBoots]

DH is French but has been living in the UK for many years. Our kids are all primary age, and I grew up in the UK so I have no idea if this is a common cultural thing, but DH's friends and family are increasingly asking if we can host their teenage children for 'language immersion'.

I agreed to this once for the 17-year-old child of a family member and it was pretty agonising - they spent the whole time on their phone, and were listless and uncommunicative. There were no structured lessons or activities arranged by the parents - I was expected to host, educate and entertain. I don't speak French to any decent level and our life is build around young kids so it simply doesn't work for me to be trying to entertain a strange teenager for a week or more.

We've been asked again - this time to have a 13-year-old for a fortnight, in the summer, again with no structure around the visit. I'm saying a firm no, to which DH seems dismayed.

Is this a thing for secondary-age children? Are there exchanges or structured programmes I could recommend to the parents? I have no problem providing bed and board and going out on fun trips at the weekend with DH around. I really object to being asked to provide free childcare and education to someone else's kid for two weeks of my summer holiday, which is also my own break from work and precious time with my kids.

I think you are being a bit mean. It sounds like you are a Brexit mum! Wouldn’t your DC benefit from a reciprocal arrangement when they are a bit older?

I hosted South African girls for many weekends during 1 term when my DDs did school exchanges. I wouldn’t have said no. They weren’t family! Of course there was some disruption, but I enjoyed showing them places of interest and they shared our family life. These young people could be lovely and your husband is right to be disappointed. It could be fun for all of you. You might even enjoy it. It’s for a relatively short period.

My DM had older teens stay with us and it was such a drag. Some were really sweet others a PITA just say a big fat no

I think it depends how well-mannered the child is, and what theirs and their family's expectations are.

I come from a multicultural family, so we often had this when we were younger. There were two groups of guests, and one of them was definitely a million times more annoying than the other.

A) Polite, helpful and 'chill' children who joined in with whatever our family was doing for the day. My mum would try to organise interesting activities but there were also times when she had to work so we just turned the TV on or went to the park with our friends. These kids were fairly independent, capable of clearing their own dinner plate and had normal respectful parents who had communicated well with our family before arrival, for both parties to understand what would happen during the X weeks they'd spend there.

B) Quite rude, spoilt children who spent the entire time on their phones or game consoles, didn't show enthusiasm towards any of the activities offered to them, refused to speak the local language or engage in any outings, and left a mess behind them everywhere they went. The parents were very much unavailable for the whole duration of the trip so it really did feel like they had just shipped the kid over for two weeks and proceeded to turn their phones off. These parents also never provided any pocket money, but the children had big expectations about trying local restaurants, getting ice-creams every afternoon, and wanted to browse the shops fairly often.

Needless to say, my parents learnt to filter out the B group families fairly quickly!

If you feel like you need structure to such a trip, you or your DH and these teens' families need to organise a phone call and discuss exactly what will happen. 'Language immersion' isn't just flying over for two weeks, there have to be activities organised so that the child is exposed to the language. Both families work towards making a schedule that's both realistic for the host and useful for the guest, but you're also perfectly within your right to say no.

Funnily enough, I bet this would be a lot easier if a parent was coming with the child. Extra guest in the house, but you'd at least know there was another adult there to take charge.

You’re not being mean at all.you are not obliged to host anyone. Just say no it doesn’t work for you and suggest they do a normal exchange through their child’s school.

An exchange via a school is rare now. Also I’m assuming this is family first and foremost. I do think friends of family is going a big far but these are presumably children your DH knows? I would think that’s different and make sure your DC get the same opportunity with them.

My DD’s school did a German exchange the year before covid, I don’t think they are rare

My three had 13 exchanges between them, some good, some bad. They also had 13 free-ish holidays in Europe. Of course it was an effort but it did them a lot of good, educationally ,culturally and socially.

I think I would agree if the child was a similar age to mine and there was a chance of a reciprocal arrangement.
Otherwise no unless I knew the child in question very well and what I was getting into.

We did something similar when I was 16. I didn’t get on particularly well with the other girl but my family made a real effort with her and Tbf to her family they were fantastic with me.

We host foreign teenagers for a local language school and we get £150 a week for that. They are out at school all day so we just provide breakfast and evening meal. And full board at weekends. Sometimes they don't eat at home in the evening or weekends if they are out with friends.
The two week course coats their parents £2,500.
Tell all that to the parents of the kids you are being asked to host for free.

How many kids are we talking about? Just a couple of relatives DC would be ok surely?

There are loads of English language courses running for teenagers across the U.K.

Can you find one local to you? She progress far more quickly with a structured course for two weeks than being at home with you.

I’d say no unless it was this arrangement. You’d have time “together” during the intervening weekend.

Your relatives are taking the piss.

Why would you not expect a reciprocal arrangement? DC goes over to France. Or is that not desirable?