Moving from state to private secondary

[eatsleepgarden]

DS is in year 8. Doing okay at his state secondary but getting a bit fed up with behaviour disruptions and not being known/nurtured simply because it is such a large school. Teachers try their best but they have a lot of pressures and kids to deal with. Should we move him to local private school. We can just about afford it until he finishes secondary? Or better the devil we know. He is on course to gain good GCSEs at his school. He has friends but copes by being quiet. His confidence is on the low end. He is fun and chatty more at home.

[CakesOfVersailles]

Don't just think about what you're leaving, look at what you're heading towards.

What is the private school like? Does it offer classes he'd want? Is it likely to have a space for him in year 9? Does it have clubs? Do you know anyone who goes there/went there/sends their kids there? What do they think?

Have you discussed moving with your DS? What does he think?

Personally I think moving for year 9 can be the right thing, but it's important you're not moving him from one mediocre environment to a more expensive mediocre environment.

[TottersBlankly]

If you feel he should be moved you really need to look at a few different schools, not just one. How well do you know the local independent school? What sort of reputation does it have? What makes it specifically the very best choice for your son? Are there other schools to compare it to - state or private?

Beyond that, how likely are you to get a place at this stage?

[eatsleepgarden]

Thanks, good points. I know one other child who went to the school we are looking at and family were very pleased. The private school seem to think he can have a place for year 9 so long as he passes the entrance exams. I also thought it would be too late in the year but was told schools often have a few places later on as people change their minds. Is this usually true?

[eatsleepgarden]

He does seem keen to move. The private school options are tricky as we are in an area with some very prestigious private schools. This school is a smaller school and not as hard to get into.

[TottersBlankly]

Sorry, I crossed you above!

I would be a little concerned about only looking at a school that is in competition with larger, more prestigious alternatives. What are your reasons for not considering those - cost or application deadlines or entrance tests? It’s just that it may be that all the better teachers are aiming to teach at those schools.

Generally, I have the impression the pandemic has created lots of upheaval in the independent schools market - on the one hand people whose businesses have taken a downturn, leaving no money for fees, on the other concerned parents who’ve seen the discrepancies in lockdown provision between sectors. And now there’ll be other stresses on private schools - all of which make things more flexible.

[Libre2]

@eatsleepgarden - sorry to resurrect an older post but I have just found this whilst doing a search for exactly this subject. We are in the same situation. Decided against grammar for a comp (ds passed 11plus but we thought it wasn’t the right school for him) but he just hasn’t settled and is not thriving at the comp.

Have you made any further decisions?
I spoke to the local independent school yesterday and they have room and are happy for us to visit and him to have a trial day after Easter. I just don’t know.

We could afford it, but not through to sixth form.

[Beccatheboo]

I also have a DS in year 8. Tomorrow is his last day at his state secondary. We've taken the leap and he will be starting at an independent after Easter. This new school starts GCSEs in year 9 so we wanted him to be settled to make his choice.

In conversation with the new school's head, he mentioned they had had 15 trial days in one week! I suspect lockdown highlighted the differences in educational provision. Both I and DH went to comprehensive schools and our decision doesn't sit easily with us but DS is very excited about the change and we are in a position to afford fees until at least the end of year 11. DS has been feeling increasingly frustrated by the poor behaviour/distractions during lessons at his current school.

I'm feeling quite anxious about the change...

[JulieBeds]

Libre2 - would you reconsider the grammar school? Why wasn't it right for him? If he got a place there perhaps they'd reconsider him?

Private until finishing GCSE could be a good option. At A-Level you learn to study by yourself but good supportive teaching during GCSEs can make all the difference. At A level too you could look for tutors if going back to state system and save a lot of money doing it that way.

DS may also get into better state options at A Level with better GCSEs.

[Jules0702]

We are in a very similar situation. My dd is currently in year 9 at a state school. Every day she comes home with a story about a class being disrupted. The only problem is that she has friends there and doesn’t want to move as she’s already moved schools when we moved to Brighton. Although she says she likes her current school, she says that some of the kids are scary and she copes by trying not to draw attention. We’ve found a place for her in a local private school which is much smaller and seems to have better pastoral care. Now all we have to do is convince her to move in the fall and it’s so easy to change teenagers’ minds!

[Libre2]

Interesting so many are in the same situation. @Juliebeds - we have rung the grammar to see how to go about moving him but yet to hear back.

One of the pulls of the independent for me is that it is walking distance from our house and DS was recently diagnosed type 1. This has had a massive impact on everything and somehow him being closer to home sits more easily psychologically for me - which I am aware is totally illogical but there you go!

[RMuddlingThrough]

We're north of England and made the state primary to private secondary move. We had the added extra of the end of Y6 coinciding with the first lockdown and his state school's provision was dire. I could see from social media that the kids in Y6 at the private school were getting really good lockdown provision, so we had that extra stress/worry.

I would say the biggest changes/differences he found have already been echoed by many others - sport, music, languages, as well as the general ethos of responsibility, homework and time management! We'd bought in to the local music service provision so he was actually 'ahead of the game' when it came to that, but the other aspects were a big step up/change. It wasn't just the amount of sport they played, but the type. At his primary it was lots of 'navigation games' or 'dance and movement' and no team sports at all; he's had to learn the rules of rugby, hockey and tennis pretty quickly! The move to secondary always comes with a jump for homework & time management, but those who moved up from the private junior school seemed much better prepared and we've had to work hard with him on that part.

Our daughter will make the same move next year and we've learned a lot about how to ensure she's bit better prepared. She's sporty, so we've got her involved in the local hockey club. Mainly so she knew the rules already, but its come with the added bonus that her team is primarily made up of girls who are already at the private junior school and will be in her year when she goes into year 7. We're also trying to work a bit more on the time management and responsibility side of things, so its not quite such a leap.

It's certainly worth finding out how many join in year 7. Many schools increase their numbers in year 7, so there will be others in the same boat. Ours takes about 30-40 extra kids into year 7 and they mix all the existing classes up to help the new kids integrate quicker.

From the money side - we've gone from relatively 'high' earners among the state primary parents (when discussing things like holidays our kids always seemed to be better travelled than their state primary peers), to 'lower end' at the private secondary (lots of lovely holidays and cars that are well out of our price range). But, the more parents I've met the more I've realise there really is a wide spectrum and there are plenty of us that inwardly groan every time we find our little Peugeot sandwiched between a Lamborghini and a Maserati on the morning drop off loop.

We actually gave our DS the choice - he could go to the local comp with his mates (not really our choice, but we wanted him to be happy) or choose the private secondary. He chose the private school and he's said many times that he doesn't regret the choice he made. He's got a wide group of friends, some of whom came from other state/private primaries and some who had already been at this private school since year 4. Two years on and I'm not sure they can remember who came from where now!

[Libre2]

Hi there

Did anyone looking at this move from year 9 get any further in their research/discussions?

We are more and more thinking this might be the way forward, although my best friend, who is known for her straight talking, told me our family are "well-to-do" enough to have a child at private school and that he would get bullied and therefore just be moving from one problem to another. (This is not sour grapes as they have a significantly greater income than we do.)

[Nevermakeit]

@CakesOfVersailles

Don't just think about what you're leaving, look at what you're heading towards.

What is the private school like? Does it offer classes he'd want? Is it likely to have a space for him in year 9? Does it have clubs? Do you know anyone who goes there/went there/sends their kids there? What do they think?

Have you discussed moving with your DS? What does he think?

Personally I think moving for year 9 can be the right thing, but it's important you're not moving him from one mediocre environment to a more expensive mediocre environment.

100% agree with this!

[CoastalWave]

@Jules0702

We are in a very similar situation. My dd is currently in year 9 at a state school. Every day she comes home with a story about a class being disrupted. The only problem is that she has friends there and doesn’t want to move as she’s already moved schools when we moved to Brighton. Although she says she likes her current school, she says that some of the kids are scary and she copes by trying not to draw attention. We’ve found a place for her in a local private school which is much smaller and seems to have better pastoral care. Now all we have to do is convince her to move in the fall and it’s so easy to change teenagers’ minds!

You don't need to convince her - you're the parent. Just move her!

[Libre2]

@eatsleepgarden - did you get any further with your decision making on this?

I think we are more and more leaning towards this move. Going to sit down and discuss finances tonight.

[Ginfa]

I am in the same position except that my son is keen to move and we are conscious of the cost and potential for others to be much better off than us. He seems to habe a lot of supply teachers and is himself concerned he is getting good grades but does not actually understand the topic. We have booked him into a taster day and are looking around a few places

[Libre2]

@Ginfa - DS also has a taster day booked. We are in a fortunate position that I don’t feel that everyone who goes to that school is massively

[Libre2]

Where has the rest of my post gone?!

to continue- I don’t feel that everyone at the school we’re looking at is massively wealthy. I think there are a lot of working parents/grandparents paying etc.

DS seems more settled at his current school since we’ve started exploring this option, which is both good and annoying.
It makes the decision a lot harder.

[whatisheupto]

Yes I would definitely move him. Just do it.