Secondary school choice dilemma

[Imtryingveryhard]

Hi, I’m looking for some input as we are in a quandary after school allocations this week. Our house isn’t in a catchment area for any school. We live in a very popular area with strong competition for local schools. We ended up with our 4th choice, but at least we ended up
With one of our choices as many didn’t. We didn’t really look at school number 4 as most children from our primary school are allocated a place at our 1st choice. That is that has happened this year with us and a few others outside of catchment. I am looking to appeal but I’m not hopeful. Round 2 allocations are at the end of this month but I’ve accepted our number 4 choice and started to research that.

However, I really like school 4. It’s over 2 miles from our home address with school 1 being 1.5 miles. School 4 is much less accessible but looks more fun. I really think he will fit in well but he’s worried that only one child from his school is going. School 1 is much more strict. It was a former fee paying school. Lots of rules relating to no talking in corridors, wearing blazers st all times etc. I don’t think this will suit my child as he responds well to a nurturing environment. This school won’t provide it to him and I think his education will suffer. My child wants me to appeal and try to get a place at the first school as this is where his friends are going.

School 1 has a better reputation for results, my child would thrive much better at school 4. Both have good ofsted ratings having both dropped from outstanding in recent years. There is also no guarantee an appeal to school 1 would be successful as we’ve be rejected on distance with others higher up the list than us.

Do I go with my head and accept school 4 will be better for my child or do I appeal to try to get into school 1 knowing it won’t (probably) won’t be a good fit? We’ve looked at both schools websites and literature. School 1 has a better reputation overall than school 4 and his highly sought after. Ironically had we got our 1st choice I wouldn’t even have known about the positives of school 4, or have this decision to make!

What would you do in this situation, or any words of wisdom to help me decide whether to go with my heart or my head? Many thanks.

Go with your heart. Look at where your child with thrive. Super strict schools are popular but really don't suit all children. In my area quite a few parents have opted to not put the super strict school as pref 1 despite all its promises, due to concerns that the pastoral side isn't great.

OP I would go for the school you think is best for him, school 4. 10/11year old are not mature enough to make a decision for the right reasons. They normally want the same as their friends, they don't realise that they'd likely make new friends anyway.

Well tbh OP it is not an easy matter to win an appeal. I would imagine it would be key to be enthusiastic about your appeal.

To win an appeal, you need compelling reasons why the school should take your child above its PAN - things like subjects that are important to your child not taught elsewhere (such as an MFL they are already learning perhaps). Do you have these reasons? His friends going there will not count.

It sounds to me tbh as if the other school would be more suitable. Can you arrange to look round it with DS to inspire him? Tbh none of my DC stayed friends with many or any of their junior school mates in secondary.

I'd go for school four. I really wouldn't worry about the fact his friends are going to school one. He will make new friends

Thank you, you are both right (and I knew that myself but didn’t want to give up on school 1). School 4 is more an extension of his primary school. School 1 is Uber strict and I think this will affect him badly. Everyone who missed out on school 1 is panicking about getting in and I feel I’m doing my child a disservice by not following suit and accepting school 4. Even I would feel uncomfortable about attending school 1 but it’s been a given every year that the primary school children got in. This year has been a huge shock, and food for thought for me.

Honestly don't worry about following friends. They won't be friends in few months time.

It will be a good chance for a fresh start. Dd1 is at a completely different school to her old school friends. Dd2 will be followed suit. There's like one kid she knows amd they aren't friends ( they aren't enemies either just class mates ) .

It will be fine.

And besides you might even find that all those that are attending school 1 well they may well be on waiting lists fir other schools anyway.

So after all the effort of appealing to get in to join them, well they might not even be there after all

Yes, we will be emailing school 4 for a tour but we’ve been looking at their online videos today and pushing its positives. And I 100% know he would meet new friends straightaway, he is a very friendly boy. Another difference is school 4 is very modern, school 1 very old fashioned (with a similar ethos). I think you can probably tell my mind was made up before I posted this thread, I just needed reassurance as everyone thought it was horrific school 1 hadn’t been offered and those Children’s lives were ruined.

This is where you need to develope a thick skim.. People turn into absolute nut jobs when it comes to talking about their school allocations. They cannot fathom people don't view a school the same way as them or that there are circumstances different from theirs that mean you cant as easily access an " acceptable school". If the only way they can feel good about their choice is to make you feel crap about yours then how much faith in their decisions do they actually have ...

If its any consolation, I've done this twice now , and some of the more vocal " this is such a much better school" or " I'm going to go down to the council offices daily until they give me a place at X school" people are pretty soon strangely quiet.

The " I'm.so proud of alex/Sophie s/he's smashing it " face book posts lasted a max of 1 or 2 terms and have given way to all the complaints the rest of us have about our kids schools

I also agree re the appeal prospects being low. Which is why I’ve tried to be positive re research and I’ve been pleasantly surprised. It’s just accessibility as I don’t drive and it’s almost 3 miles away with a sketchy bus service. Coming home isn’t problem, just getting there in a morning but I guess I’d have that with school 1 regardless. It’s just in a town on a regular bus route. There are a couple of other points I can raise but I can’t believe we’re not in catchment for any school. I think we’re going to have look at taxis or a second car if attendance becomes an issue but I’ll cross that bridge when needed. Really appreciate all your input and I know school 4 is really the most suitable.

@Whatwouldscullydo

This is where you need to develope a thick skim.. People turn into absolute nut jobs when it comes to talking about their school allocations. They cannot fathom people don't view a school the same way as them or that there are circumstances different from theirs that mean you cant as easily access an " acceptable school". If the only way they can feel good about their choice is to make you feel crap about yours then how much faith in their decisions do they actually have ...

If its any consolation, I've done this twice now , and some of the more vocal " this is such a much better school" or " I'm going to go down to the council offices daily until they give me a place at X school" people are pretty soon strangely quiet.

The " I'm.so proud of alex/Sophie s/he's smashing it " face book posts lasted a max of 1 or 2 terms and have given way to all the complaints the rest of us have about our kids schools

Haha, we had this with the current primary school. It’s within walking distance for us and we could supplement the learning points very easily if needed. It was the worst one in the area when we were accepted. It’s now highly sought after with the council begging it to take additional classes and funding a state of the art extension to facilitate them. There are transfer waiting lists but we stayed local and my children have thrived. High school is a new beast to me. I grew up abroad. You went to the school in your postcode area or paid to go private. No choice and no rejections. None of this multi school option, grammar school exams etc. I just want the best for my year 6 child but sadly that probably won’t be with their mates.

Dd1 goes to a local shit hole secondary. I did do my best to try and get her into a better school but I couldn't.

I've been accused by family of giving up or not helping myself by accepting the place etc.

There seems to be no comprehension that sometimes there's not anything more than you can do.

Its usually said by people who have the luxury of not being In the same situation or because they got in off the waiting list or appeal that you can.to of you just try hard enough.

Yeah if you were 4th and inwas 37th on the list it was clearly luck.and nothing you actually did.

Pay no attention. Amd I hope your ds has a fab time.at the new school

It's easy to become a bit blinkered and just follow the crowd. You've kept calm, investigated the 4th choice and looked at it with fresh eyes and in doing so discovered that its now your 1st choice - I think they call that serendipity!

If anyone asks you say you have made the best choice for your child.

It’s just a case of where we decided to live, literally down to metres. All the other categories were filled with spaces afterwards. Regardless of where he goes we will accept it with positivity. It’s just do I appeal to keep him with his friends and at the ‘in school’ of not. I’m thinking not. Both myself and his dad didn’t go to the best of high schools but worked hard regardless and we both have good careers. I’m hoping this will happen with my oldest if he has the most appropriate school setting to support him, which I don’t think school 1 will do.

@BettySundaes

It's easy to become a bit blinkered and just follow the crowd. You've kept calm, investigated the 4th choice and looked at it with fresh eyes and in doing so discovered that its now your 1st choice - I think they call that serendipity!

If anyone asks you say you have made the best choice for your child.

You’ve just made me cry (happily) with your lovely comment. Everyone is focused on choice 1. I’ve been more broad minded, liked choice 4 and made it more difficult for myself. But I haven’t as choice 4 is the best for my son. We’ll work around the transport issue. I knew choice 4 was the best after researching it extensively this week but the comments and reassurance from you all has been amazing. Thank you everyone!

Remind your son that there is a whole world of exciting new friends out there. He'll stay in touch with old friends. It's not all or nothing.

Also, just to add, choices 2 and 3 have never covered our catchment area (or lack thereof). If choice 1 wasn’t given it was then number 4. No difference between choice 4 and 5 other then the newer, more modern number 4 and a much older choice 5. My children visited choice 5 as part of pre-Covid weekend football sessions. They didn’t like that but I accept this is very much part of the UK school system. That’s what my UK high school was like but it was a shock after leaving a modern high school abroad.