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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

what more I can do to persuade DS to change school ?

12 replies

Holdupmum10 · 01/03/2022 10:01

DS is in secondary school, had a happy time, then a bad period which he had to stay at home for a while, then he went back to school and tried to get on . At that time, he applied to a good school B, and finally got a place. But now, he has changed mind and don't want to go to school B. As parents, we clearly know school B will be much better for him, and a chance for him to really have friends , a much calm study environment and lots of afterschool activities which he will enjoy. However, we can't get him agree to go. For current school, his reason is teachers are really nice to him, although he doesn't have close friends, but he tried hard and have a few classmates he can talk to. For possible future bully issue, disruptions , he said just keep away from those people. I am really upset that he is giving up this wonderful opportunity, but what can I do?

OP posts:

Original poster

Holdupmum10 · 01/03/2022 10:43

Anyone has advice on this? Should I just let him to make the decision. I worry he will regret this in the future, and he is only 13, should we let him make this big decision?

OP posts:

AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2022 10:46

You can't possibly know how things will turn out for him at the new school. What if he doesn't settle in well? Personally, I would leave him where he is if he doesn't want to move, unless there is a major reason why he can't stay at his current school that you haven't mentioned.

Seeline · 01/03/2022 10:49

You may feel it's a better school, but you have no guarantees that he would make friends there, or not be bullied.

If your DS is happy where he is, then he may not see any benefit of leaving everything he knows with no guarantee that it would be better.

Has he had a taster day?

Is he y8 or y9? Does the new school provide the subjects he would want for GCSE? Are there any extra curricular activities that would particularly interest him? Is the commute better?

YukoandHiro · 01/03/2022 10:58

I moved schools as a child. It's not an easy thing to do. The outsider thing sticks for a long time, unless it's a school with a very high turnover.
If he doesn't want to I wouldn't force it.
How is it going at school academically?

Justkeeppedaling · 01/03/2022 11:06

Better the devil you know I say.
Changing schools is a big upheaval in a child's life.

Original poster

Holdupmum10 · 01/03/2022 12:07

Thanks for advice.

It's the difference of a normal school and an outstanding school, the main point is , he is not having a wonderful time at the current school, just cope ok. If he moves to the outstanding school, he might have a chance to really enjoy the school life. But I guess I can't force him, in the end, it's his own decision. I just feel he is too young to make this big decision.

OP posts:

LIZS · 01/03/2022 12:14

What are the things that make it outstanding and attractive to him? He may be afraid of the unknown but if there are, say, more clubs he can fit into or triple science it might be worth reminding him. However good vs outstanding is unlikely to be as important to him as you.

fudging · 01/03/2022 12:23

future bully issues worries me. Has he been bullied at the current school? Bullies are always going to be bullies unfortunately. And he won't be able to control when they decide to turn their attention back to him or whether they decide to pursue a less obvious form of bullying (excluding him, making up gossip, blaming for things he hasn't done - some bullies can change the type of bullying they do to avoid punishment without it being much less awful for the victim).
If he has been bullied, I would say it is best to move. Does he know anyone at the new school who can buddy him for a couple of weeks?

LIZS · 01/03/2022 12:32

What would the new school offer in terms of induction and integration? Could he do a taster day?

HotPenguin · 01/03/2022 12:41

Has he been to the new school at all? I think it would be reasonable to insist that he goes there for a taster day or a visit before making a decision.

Clymene · 01/03/2022 12:46

If he's 13, is he year 9? Does his existing or new school don2 or 3 year GCSEs? Most children will have already chosen their GCSEs.

Moving school at this point is pretty hard - friendship groups are already established too.

fudging · 01/03/2022 13:13

Ask him to at least visit the new school. Ask new school what support they can offer a new pupil. If he has been bullied at old school, the new school may well buddy him up with someone or take other steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.. My DC's school were very welcoming to a kid who had been bullied elsewhere. The SMT really looked out for them. It was widely known this kid had to change schools due to bullying and quite a few kids at the new school were very protective of them. In the end, this new pupil made their own set of different friends at the new school and settled in fine.

It is crap to have to always be the parent emailing teachers asking for your DC not to have to sit next to child X who is a vile evil bully without criticising the other child in anyway so as not to be that parent. But if your DC stays at the same school as a child/children that has bullied them, that is what you have to do time and time again. Always worry if they will be in the same class, same set, same school trip, same extracurricular etc.

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