Humble advise to all parents weighing up between different school offers

[whatinname]

Last few days I came across several posts here where parents are weighing different school offers. Some of the threads have few very heated discussions as well on schools, their suitability, their league table rank and if they deserve at all to be there. Whether one should ditch offer from very high achieving school to take up one which is bit lower in league table rank. I thought I will just point out what I learnt from my son's journey. He is now completing A level from a very high achieving top of the leader board school.

Parents, most important thing to consider is the wellbeing of your child. Due to covid, way children now apply and contest various school places changed completely. Due to Common admission test like ISEB, CEM, parents can apply to several schools seamlessly. This now has created a dilemma that my DC if receives offer from 2 top of the league table schools and 3 middle road schools which one to take.

First thing to remember is if your child is clever and keen academically, getting excellent grades in GCSE and even in A Level is not difficult at all. Students can very easily have a very balanced and accomplished school life where ever they are. So even if a school takes students from much wider abilities still each one will reach full potential if school is good in challenging them to their ability.

Second point: A top of the league school will take only top of the tops. So obviously the form will have very high achieving students only. It is then very obvious that proving oneself really above average and to be at the top is way way more difficult. When one applies to Uni, top unis including Oxbridge sees if the student is at the top of the pack and is fully committed. If you look in details the breakdown of oxbridge intake by subject, you will see only 2-3 children ( even from topmost schools) and mostly 1-2 per subject gets into Oxbridge. Science, computing and maths are hardest. So if your DC is committed, then it will be for his/her benefit to be in a bit of mixed pack.

Third point: Understand the emotional maturity of your child before deciding which school offer to take up. Very recently my son has gone through a terrible experience related to his friend. It shook him completely. My son is an emotionally stable boy. Still this event has affected him a lot. He could not understand why his school could not see it coming when all signs were pointing towards it. I would not want my daughter (now 11 and holding several 11 plus school offers now) to go through the same experience knowing that she is lot more emotional than my son.

All our DCs are clever. So support from a good school ( don't have to be the top one), lovely friends, and supporting family is all they need to be successful.

So please look into factors like: travel time, how easy it will be to remain social, participating in school events etc rather than the school rank. Please do not feel guilty if by doing so you are ditching offers from the best school. If your DC is capable of getting offer from that school, he/she is also capable of achieving highly in all major exams and uni entrance tests.

*advice.

Excellent advice. I know so many parents who just look at number of kids went in oxbridge from a school to decide if it is good enough school for their DC. So naive

I went to school about a half hour drive away from where I lived with no public transport options.

I missed out socially as I could never participate in the last minute after school meet ups that were planned or just pop around to a friends for an hour after school.

When choosing schools for my children, being close enough to home to be able to develop social independence was my priority.

And your expertise in giving this badly spelled advice is what? You have children?

@RachHen That is a very rude response to OP’s thoughtful post.

I agree with this.

@RachHen That's so unnecessary. The advice is well thought-out and reasonable; no need to carp at it.

This is a great post.

The only thing I'd add is people aren't really deciding between top and middle. They are talking about top and very top. The thread on Highgate and Westminster is a great example. Highgate is a highly academically selective school (one of the top 3 co-eds in the entire country). What look like large differences in ranking are fairly meaningless when you actually look at the results rather than the rank order which are separated often by no more than the results of a handful of children and is explained entirely by the slightly broader intake.

Good points.

I'd also add that in some cases, a highly selective or academic school will be right for a clever child in a purely social sense, never mind the results. They'll be more likely to find friends who share their (possibly) geeky interests, and they won't be shamed for being "the clever one" as they might at a non-selective school, or for being ambitious and trying hard at their schoolwork.

I went to a very academic school myself (not in UK), and the friends I made there were one of the best things that ever happened to me - the most quirky, intelligent, interesting people. Many of us are still in touch 30 years later.

Agree with you @whatinname. We all want very best for our DCs. Unfortunately we might forget the bigger picture at times.

@Squiblet

Good points.

I'd also add that in some cases, a highly selective or academic school will be right for a clever child in a purely social sense, never mind the results. They'll be more likely to find friends who share their (possibly) geeky interests, and they won't be shamed for being "the clever one" as they might at a non-selective school, or for being ambitious and trying hard at their schoolwork.

I went to a very academic school myself (not in UK), and the friends I made there were one of the best things that ever happened to me - the most quirky, intelligent, interesting people. Many of us are still in touch 30 years later.

Even that can work both ways. DD is clever and geeky, but thinks she would not have liked to be at a very selective school because she gains confidence from being at the top of the pack. However we are in an area with good comprehensives, so there is quite a large group of clever geeky kids.

I agree with you OP.

Unfortunately it is much harder to find out information about a school’s pastoral care, attitude to SEN, support with social issues, inclusiveness etc, than it is to find out their academic results.

So inevitably parents end up placing a lot of weight on the information that is readily available.

I have no children, but was a child. Choose a school accessible from your house by public transport, preferably not only a school coach service. Being able to get yourself there and back to school feels great. Parents aren’t stuck driving, and kids lose lecturing and hectoring time from parents. If your child takes a bus, train, or subway, she will meet other girls at school. The older students will do some sheepdogging and counting at arrival and often departure by informal or explicit assigned custom.
Choose a school which children have nice manners when in uniform. Nice manners become good habits later on.
Choose a school where the big emphasis is something your child likes or wants to try.

Finally, choose a school where your child will be happy and make friends.

I don’t get it?

You put down your choices on the form, you are offered your top choice that you fulfil the admissions criteria for?

Are we talking not in the Uk? Or private schools? Maybe that should be specified.

It’s not the norm to have multiple school offers to choose between. Privileged position.

Oh God I wish it were a choice.

I have an exceedingly bright and able child. We don't have grammar schools here and we aren't well off so our choice is local comp with space or local comp with space (ie the same school, there's nothing else available). There's no 6th form provision within a 20 mile radius as the two local ones have closed. Easy to get to isn't a thing for us.

It's lovely to have a choice in the first place.

(I'm not carping btw, just thinking out loud).

Old post but thank you @whatinname for posting these valuable thoughts and perspective. Came across it today during my own thought process of 7+ results and my DD’s situation.