At what point did you realise your high achieving elite school was not for you?

[Roopachoo]

For those of you who have attended the country’s most prestigious schools and were miserable. Was it right from the beginning? Was it a slow and steady descent? At what point did you know those hallowed halls were not for you?

And then where did you send your own DC?

I was miserable there from the beginning, not so much on an academic basis but really because everyone there seemed to be very sophisticated and cool in a way that I definitely wasn’t (and it was single sex with the cliched bitchy atmosphere). I have sent my children to pretty prestigious single sex schools but with far kinder atmospheres and so far they are happy.

I am sorry to hear that Fluffyflowerpot. Do you feel the school afforded you with opportunities that you might not have had otherwise- and more importantly, do you feel it was a price worth paying?

For your own children, how did you assess their high achieving school wouldn’t be similar?

Very interested in how parents come to these decisions in light of their own experiences.

Never. I loved my high achieving school. I was naughty but clever so they didn't quite know what to do with me.

Miserable from the beginning. My family wasn't "posh" (for want of a better word) to understand all the unwritten "rules" and my lifestyle was too out of synch ("what do you mean you only got one present for Christmas!?") with others. I never felt I fitted in, although I ended up with good qualifications and made some equally not-fitting-in friends who I am still in touch with 20 years later.

My DC go to the local bog standard comp :) They are much happier and more popular than I ever was.

Yes, I felt similar.

The school was focused on exam results, leavers destinations and reputation to the detriment of everything else. Pastoral care was non-existent.

I was bright and did well academically, but then likely would have done so in another school.

I didn't have the same privileged backgrounds as others, and this made me feel left out (for example pretty much all the school went skiing in the same posh place in France each year).

In the Sixth Form, i went to a boys boarding school that took a few girls. It swiftly became apparent that I was not a good fit, probably within a term? It would have helped if I was a lot prettier and cooler and had better social skills. It was a spectacularly miserable two years and I really should have got out, but somehow it never occurred to me that this was an option.

My kids all go to the local state schools where they have been pretty happy and successful.

It works both ways. My last two or three years at my local state school were miserable and I had no friends. Being clever and hard working meant I was labelled a “nerd” and didn’t fit in. It was only at university I met other people I really connected with.

My DC are really happy at their high achieving academic private schools.