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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Private to state

36 replies

User199714 · 19/02/2022 00:54

I have name changed for this as I don’t want it linked to other threads.

I am currently in the devastating position of having to move my children from private school to state school as I can no longer afford the fees. I have exhausted all options and this is my only option. I am absolutely broken by this, it is going to destroy the DC and probably irreparably damage our relationship as they will never trust me again. DS is year 7, I think he will be ok, he loves his school but he is still friends with all his primary friends who go to the local state snd I know he is envious of the free time they have (he is out 7 til 7 most days). It’s DD I m most worried about. She’s halfway through year 9 and loves her school, her friends her whole life is around her social group, she doesn’t talk to anyone from primary and doesn’t do any out of school activities.

Has anyone had to do this? Did it work out ok? How did you tell them?

There are no bursaries or hardship funds available, no family that can help, I have no savings and am not able to take a loan. I work 14 hour days Monday to Friday and also do some hours Saturday and Sunday so I can’t take on extra work. I just wanted to clarify there are no other solutions, I just want someone to reassure me it will all be ok as I am utterly destroyed by how badly I have failed them to the point where they would probably be better off if I just disappeared.

OP posts:

Chocalata · 27/02/2022 11:37

Chin up. They are going to join the real world a few years before you had planned. The jump to university will be much easier when they make this move a bit earlier. Do you really think that 93% of the country are living some sort of hellish existence?!

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/03/2022 18:01

This happened to DS’s friend at October half term of year 8. They couldn’t afford the fees - they pulled her out. She went to the local comp, she’s doing amazingly well, she’s still friends and hangs out with everyone from the prep (they all moved up together to the feeder senior school). All is well. The only thing I will say is don’t drag it out. Remove them ASAP. It won’t do your DD any good to be trying to settle in at the start of Year 10 rather than letting her do it in the last few months of year 9.

ClarasZoo · 02/03/2022 23:43

Lots of great advice here. Plus you can take comfort from the fact that university applications are becoming increasingly contextualised. For example Bristol and Birmingham offer lower grades for state school kids…. Eg AAB instead of AAA. And Exeter offer BBB instead of AAA for some state schools….so overall that’s a real plus of the situation!

Notanotherusernamenow · 02/03/2022 23:49

My mum exhausted herself working to send me to a private school with a scholarship. I’d have much rather she was more present and less stressed. I got perfect grades and two persistent eating disorders that still affect me to this day in my late 30s. My disorders began in year 9/10ish. Mum was too busy and stressed to realise for 18months and when the cleaner told her about me, mum flipped out because I was wasting my education and all her work.

Private school and an overworked single parent ruined my mental health and, to a large extent, my physical health.

XelaM · 02/03/2022 23:57

I was that child that was moved from an incredible private school that I loved to a state school that I hated (my parents moved counties, so that was an additional adjustment). Initially, I must be honest my grades suffered and I really missed my old school, but after a year or so I adjusted to the new normal and got my grades back on track (was always an A-student). At the state school I met my best friend and we are still best friends over 20 years on.

XelaM · 03/03/2022 00:00

countries*

DuchessofAnkh22 · 04/03/2022 15:16

Just want to check - have you given notice on the schools that you are leaving? Remember you have to give a clear term notice, and even if you do that today you will be paying to the end of next term (summer). So they will start new schools in September....or sooner if you want, but you will be paying to July.

chopc · 04/03/2022 16:12

I can understand your thoughts - however hopefully your year 9DD will have the resilience and the confidence afforded by her private school education to adapt to the change in circumstances.

It's not a choice you are making - it's a necessity. She will understand or should do

Wonderberry · 04/03/2022 16:53

Op I made this transition as a child, and it was my choice, and I preferred the state school.

I would be selling all the benefits to your children: reduced travelling time, likely less homework, more time as a family, more money to spend on their interests.

You have made it very clear there is no other choice, so you can only make the best of the situation. You can also involve your children in choosing the best state school for them, if there is a choice (contact your council to find out vacancies)

AndNowNo · 04/03/2022 17:02

I'd keep DD in there until Year 11. So just another 4 terms. She can go somewhere else for sixth form when naturally some of the children will leave anyway. It won't feel like she's the only one.

Take DS out now and offer to put him through 2 years at A level or years 10 and 11 at private if he wants to go then, once DD has finished. Then it's fair and you've done 2-ish years of private school for both of them, just not at that same time and will take off the pressure on you.

AndNowNo · 04/03/2022 17:02

Sorry that's another 7 terms. Not 4! What was I thinking?

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