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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

DC not happy with school

22 replies

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 18:32

DC is in Y7, at an independent school which is also Catholic.

We're non practicing CoE. We didn't choose the school because it's a faith school but for other reasons. Good pastoral reputation, great all-round opportunities etc. Our runner up school was very different, arty and alternative and while we could see it would be a good fit for DC, it's also got a reputation for letting kids set their own pace and be in charge of their own education. DC is inherently very lazy and will get away with doing as little as possible whenever possible. We agonised over the decision for weeks but went with the Catholic school because we thought the outcome would be more positive.

So, back to the issue. DC has decided she can't stand the Catholic values at school, hates RE and says she wants to leave to go to the runner up school. She was fine in the first term, never mentioned this. It's just become a thing in the last couple of weeks.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 10/02/2022 18:34

See if there are any spaces at the other school.

Some kids prefer to slower pace and May surprise you.

Timeforabiscuit · 10/02/2022 18:40

I would listen to them, some Roman Catholic values can be very very outdated, but it depends on the teaching. I'm lapse Catholic and brought my dds up outside faith, one goes to a Catholic school as her first choice and I made it crystal clear what would be expected in terms of daily worship, religious education, PHSE - they were incredibly shocked that I wasn't exaggerating in terms of the amount of religious practice and what Catholic beliefs were once they were of an age to understand contraception etc. They thought that coming from a church of England primary school it would be similar tone, but they are leagues apart in our case.

However, it depends on the school, dd

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 18:44

Another complication is that a friend who has a daughter at the other school (in Y9) is thinking of moving her because she is not progressing and doesn't feel stimulated enough.

OP posts:
Solasum · 10/02/2022 18:47

Would she not need to do RE at any school?

If there are prayers etc, can she not just zone out? Or practice times tables or verbs or something in her head?

Sounds like there are lots of advantages to where she is

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 19:01

@Solasum That's kind of what I've been saying. There are plenty of kids there who aren't Catholic and I think it just washes over them.

She is very opinionated and also sees negatives everywhere! While I want her to be happy, I also worry that even if we moved her, there would be something she'd moan about at a new school.

OP posts:
blyn72 · 10/02/2022 19:05

I'd let her go to the other school, she may flourish there.

TeenTitan007 · 10/02/2022 19:18

Regardless of which school may be better, I wouldn't pay hard earned money for a school my DC does not wish to go to. No one would be winning here.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 19:31

Thanks for all the replies. It's so difficult to know what to do. When you know her, it's easy to suspect that she'll be perfectly fine about the religion in a few weeks and have decided something else isn't right.

Her main reason for wanting to go to the runner up school is that they don't wear uniform and call teachers by their first name. Not great reasons to jump ship (unless you're really sure the problem is insurmountable).

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 10/02/2022 19:57

I wouldn't do anything for now. Sounds like some of it is wanting the more relaxed vibe, but you have your reasons for why you think this isn't the best environment for your DC. Wait a while and see if she moves on from talking about the religious aspect.

EllieNBeeb · 10/02/2022 21:19

Ask if she would prefer the nicest state school in the area and stop paying for a Catholic school?

11Plus2022 · 10/02/2022 21:40

Are you sure there is not something else going on eg. a fallout among her friendship group, an issue with a teacher or some other reason for her being unhappy at school at the moment? It could be that she is using the religious issues as an easier excuse(both to you and possibly to herself) for asking for a change in schools.

I have two older teenage DDs and have learnt over time that the real problem is often not what is expressed by them at the time. I’d therefore definitely probe a bit further before making any big decisions or drastic changes.

SleepTheEnemyOfDreams · 10/02/2022 21:43

Are you in Warwickshire OP?

MargaretThursday · 10/02/2022 21:43

If it's only a couple of weeks, and nothing major, I wouldn't do anything yet.
It can be a little bit of grass is greener, or a bit of school is no longer new and exciting. I think one of mine would have probably liked to swap about every couple of terms because she didn't do routine very well. The others loved routine and even going up a year was unsettling!

I'd say to her to give it a longer go, and if she still feels that way at Easter you can discuss it then (I assume you need a term notice).

But mine all wanted their (standard state school) on the basis that they didn't have to wear a tie. That wasn't actually the reason we sent them there far as we were concerned, but I think all 3 put it as their top reason for wanting that school! (Ds gets to wear shorts all year round too, which was his second reason) Grin

Savoretti · 10/02/2022 21:45

Are those the only two options? Does t sound like either is right for her to be honest

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 21:54

@EllieNBeeb

Ask if she would prefer the nicest state school in the area and stop paying for a Catholic school?
If only we could get into the nicest state school!
OP posts:
loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 21:55

@SleepTheEnemyOfDreams

Are you in Warwickshire OP?
No, we're not. Is there a school there that sounds similar?
OP posts:
loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/02/2022 21:56

@Savoretti

Are those the only two options? Does t sound like either is right for her to be honest
The other options are single sex which she doesn't want.
OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 12/02/2022 06:55

There seem to be a lot of things your dd doesnt want but none of them seem particularly pertinent to the purpose of school which is to get an education. How unhappy do you think she actually is (not necessarily related to the loudness of the complaints)?

nicesausages · 12/02/2022 07:05

She sounds like she knows her mind and that this school is not a good fit for her. In most cases, I would say stick with it but if you're in a very regimented environment and wanting to move to a more relaxed environment, that probably won't change. Best time is to do it now probably, if you're going to. It's one of those that she could look back and blame you for forcing her to stay in an environment where she's clearly said she's not happy. I'd do it

Dibbydoos · 12/02/2022 07:21

I like the sound of the other school, tbh. I think giving children the opportunity to make their own decisions and then have to manage the outcome is good. Is your DC bright? If she is, then she won't study much, will she? I didn't do any studying until about 6 weeks before exams, and then I used to do past papers. You've no idea how many repeat questions come up. 19 of the 20 on my A level pure maths were questions I'd done before!

Anyway, I digress.

Religion can be oppressive, but something has triggered her attitude to it, so talk to her and find out what exactly is bothering her. You might be surprised to hear it's nothing to do with religion.

My senior school had only just introduced a uniform when I joined. They allowed us to mix and match across 3 colours - black, navy or grey. It was the school no one wanted to go to; everyone wanted to go to the ex grammar school. Well, that was completely turned around when my year told everyone how great our school was, and that was versus we were treated like human beings, teachers talked to us not at us. It also achieved better results than the other schools in the area, too. There were no ratings in my day, but it was rated outstanding as soon as the ratings came in and is now rated the best school in the area.

How do the two schools do when you compare Ofsted ratings? Are they on par? I assume so otherwise you wouldn't have agonised over which school to send her.

Like I say, find out the real reason she wants to leave before deciding, but imo there is nothing wrong with giving children the ability to decide their own destination. Education and results can come later, noone needs to force themselves to take exams etc. When my hubby died my kids stopped going to school because my DD was asked to write a eulogy as if her father had died and my DS was shouted at by his art teacher asking him where he'd been and he was forced to say out loud his dad had died. My DS has autism. And that was at the best school in the city where we lived! Anyways my DD turned 15 and the course tutor at Get Skilled allowed her to join their programme. She has 5 gcse equivalents, worked at Apprenticeship and has other work experience, which she would not have gained had she stayed in school and is now doing a BTech so she can go to uni. My DS stayed away from mainstream school, he found it difficult. But he was eventually given 3 hours a week homeschooling, and he got 5 GCSEs on no study (he is very bright, but he only properly went to school until he was 11 years old, so 5 gcses off that is a mean fête). He's now an apprentice, and this week, his college principal nominated him to be interviewed on camera by the BBC. I'm not sure when it's airing, but the reporter suggested he went into politics!

So you see, kids find their own way. I am 100% behind good education, but not everyone learns at the same rate or in the same way.

meditrina · 12/02/2022 07:28

Firstly can you afford to leave without giving the normal full terms notice (ie losing a terms fees in lieu)

Because if not, then our DD cannot start anywhere else until the autumn, and you need to work with that timing. You won't need to put in notice until the end of this term, so that gives you some thinking space, and a change to see if her problems with this school really are intractable.

If so, then I suspect you need to find abouther school - she doesn't like this one, you don't think the other one is the right fit for her. Time to look at others.

sashh · 12/02/2022 08:00

@Solasum

Would she not need to do RE at any school?

If there are prayers etc, can she not just zone out? Or practice times tables or verbs or something in her head?

Sounds like there are lots of advantages to where she is

RE in RC schools is RC RE, it is only due to government intervention that faith schools have to look at one other faith

It can be a huge chunk of the day at an RC school and it can filter into other subjects eg in History I was taught that Mary I was a good queen, returning England to the RC faith and that Elizabeth killed, "The forty martyrs".

They just didn't teach how many people Mary I had killed.

Example RE paper qualifications.pearson.com/content/dam/pdf/GCSE/Religious%20Studies/2016/Specification%20and%20sample%20assessments/SAMs-GCSE-L1-L2-Religious-Studies-A-June-2016-Draft-4.pdf

Most non faith schools teach a 'philosophy and ethics' type RE. They poteen also only do a 'short course'.

You cannot 'zone out' of prayers as you have to take part, some times there is a 'response' and often you have to genuflect or make a sign on the cross.

OP

Not everyone is suited to an RC school, I certainly wasn't and it's not like disliking a single subject or a single teacher it is everywhere.

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