Changing schools or home-eding in the middle of Y11

[Pukalesa]

Daughter (Y11) is very unhappy at her current school, which translates into her behaviour. The additional pressure of GCSEs does not help: second lot of mocks is imminent in March, with the real thing in June. I am dreading calls and emails from school: lately it has been nothing but bad news, and I have started thinking about jumping before we get pushed. Has anyone had any experience with either moving their child in Y11 or switching to home-eding? What are the steps to take? How does it work in terms of exams? I would be most grateful for any insights or information.

Moving your daughter or going to home Ed at this point in year 11 is not really possible. No other school would take your daughter under nearly all circumstances, as she’s tied in with curriculums now. You need to talk with her HOY to learn what her projected grades are, and the best way forward for good passes in at least Math and English. What does your daughter what to do next year? What would reasonable expectations be for her? Would it be better for her to repeat year 11 elsewhere?

How bad are things OP. You mention behaviour and getting pushed - is she honestly likely to be permanently excluded?

Can you talk to her about what she is unhappy with and how this will affect her future?

As pp says, moving now would be almost impossible. Home educating is possible of course, but you would need to negotiate with the school for them to be her exam centre.

If her behaviour is so poor then they may be prepared to consider this; or possibly a reduced timetable focusing on core subjects now; they may even consider an early finish but still allowing her to sit GCSEs at school (I have known that with yr 11 students who were just about hanging on).

Your first step IMO is to talk to her about her way forward - she is almost an adult and I am sure can understand the vital importance of her GCSEs. YY what does she plan to do next year? What kind of GCSE grades is she looking at?

The best outcome might well be that she stays in school with some kind of support (whether that be dropping subjects, working in the SEN dept, reduced number of lessons) and takes at least some GCSEs via school.

I really think a place at a different school is impossible at this stage of year 11. Repeating the year at college may be a possibility tho - a friend's child did this when they got GCSEs which were too low to do A levels; they then had two more funded years to take their A levels so they are only a year behind their peers which tbh is neither here nor there.

@Ericaequites

Moving your daughter or going to home Ed at this point in year 11 is not really possible. No other school would take your daughter under nearly all circumstances, as she’s tied in with curriculums now. You need to talk with her HOY to learn what her projected grades are, and the best way forward for good passes in at least Math and English. What does your daughter what to do next year? What would reasonable expectations be for her? Would it be better for her to repeat year 11 elsewhere?

Thanks so much for your reply, Ericaequites. It's not that her grades are so bad, but her behaviour is erratic and overly emotional. She has ED issues, and they dominate her mindspace, and although she understands the ramifications of a poor diet on her health, mood, academic performance, etc, she just can't stop. We've been trying to find a clinical psychologist for months, but they are booked up and not taking new patients. I am desperate, tbh, and it's breaking us all. The school have not been too helpful AT ALL, but I am in conversation with HOY. They do have to come up with suggestions, don't they?

@clary

How bad are things OP. You mention behaviour and getting pushed - is she honestly likely to be permanently excluded?

Can you talk to her about what she is unhappy with and how this will affect her future?

As pp says, moving now would be almost impossible. Home educating is possible of course, but you would need to negotiate with the school for them to be her exam centre.

If her behaviour is so poor then they may be prepared to consider this; or possibly a reduced timetable focusing on core subjects now; they may even consider an early finish but still allowing her to sit GCSEs at school (I have known that with yr 11 students who were just about hanging on).

Your first step IMO is to talk to her about her way forward - she is almost an adult and I am sure can understand the vital importance of her GCSEs. YY what does she plan to do next year? What kind of GCSE grades is she looking at?

The best outcome might well be that she stays in school with some kind of support (whether that be dropping subjects, working in the SEN dept, reduced number of lessons) and takes at least some GCSEs via school.

I really think a place at a different school is impossible at this stage of year 11. Repeating the year at college may be a possibility tho - a friend's child did this when they got GCSEs which were too low to do A levels; they then had two more funded years to take their A levels so they are only a year behind their peers which tbh is neither here nor there.

Thanks so much for your reply, clary, you have no idea how much support means to me atm. As I've mentioned in reply to Erica, our daughter has ED issues, which affect every aspect of her life; we've tried in vain to find a clinical psychologist to deal with it. I also wonder if she has ADD - that would explain some of her problems at school (btw, the school had NO INKLING that might be a case); we'd arranged an assessment, but she sabotaged it. :( Academically, her first lot of mocks was passable (mostly 5s, apart from a 3 in Geography). She wants to do Art, Drama and Psychology in A-levels, the latter, interestingly enough, is BECAUSE she has emotional problems and would like to understan, why. 'On paper' she is fully aware what she needs to get, but when it comes to the actual work, distractions (including ED) take over... It's good to know she can resit Y11 if the worst comes to the worst. My top priority though is to make sure she's not expelled - I dread opening emails or answering any calls with a local area code...

Dear Ericaequites and clary, thanks so much for your replies. It means a lot: feel so alone and out of depth...

It is good to see you are speaking to HOY. What actual gcses does she need to stay on to her 6th form. It may well be worth discussing whether she should drop a couple to focus on making sure she gets the grades etc ro allow her to proceed to her A levels.

Is she going to a different school or college for those as that discussion may be best held with them.

Also if you get the revision books for the gcses by working through those she should be able to see where there may be gaps in her learning and this would help her with getting up to speed with those.

As others have said, the best outcome would be if your daughter would be willing to sit her exams at her current school (she might be able to get signed off with ill health). If you do decide to home ed her, might school agree to let her sit her exams there anyway?
If you don't think school would agree to any of this, and feel it is in your daughter's best interests to remove her, you could look at taking an extra year for her to sit her GCSEs privately. A lot of home edders only take about five GCSEs (often IGCSEs) but it is very expensive (about £200 per GCSE) and the deadline for entering for this summer is coming up soon.
There is this wiki if you want to know more
he-exams.fandom.com/wiki/HE_Exams_Wiki

OP you don't say why you fear she may be permanently excluded. Is there more to her behaviour than you say? An ED, while distressing and difficult to deal with, would not usually lead to behaviour likely to mean exclusion - schools don't exclude at will.

So are you over-anxious? The kind of behaviours IME that will get you excluded are things like bringing a knife into school or threats to pupils or staff. I wonder if you might be able to think about your DD's behaviour and realise that exclusion is very unlikely - would this help you both to feel a bit less anxious and focus on the way forward?

As a PP has said, the deadline is approaching for entries for exams, and you might find it difficult or impossible to find an exam centre for your DD.

It might well be worth you taking her out and planning to do the exams over two sittings -- could even be this June and then Jan next year according to which exams she's taking.

You'll have your work cut out starting from scratch but there is a wealth of info available online and a very helpful group of parents on a groups.io list. See the wiki listed above.

I agree an exclusion in Y11 is not that likely unless they do something very serious (drugs, violence).
Moving to another school would not work at this stage. Is her behaviour really that bad to get expelled?

There is an informative Facebook group called Parenting Mental Health and you might find some recommendations for psychologists regarding EDs plus advice on next steps. It sound like she needs some help to get to the finish line and maybe go to a college which are more understanding but her health is so important.

@SeasonFinale

It is good to see you are speaking to HOY. What actual gcses does she need to stay on to her 6th form. It may well be worth discussing whether she should drop a couple to focus on making sure she gets the grades etc ro allow her to proceed to her A levels.

Is she going to a different school or college for those as that discussion may be best held with them.

Also if you get the revision books for the gcses by working through those she should be able to see where there may be gaps in her learning and this would help her with getting up to speed with those.

SeasonFinale, our daughter definitely wants a fresh start (there's just a tiny matter of getting the decent grades in GCSEs, sigh). I did bought her loads of revision books, but I must say, the school keeps them pretty busy with revision for the next lot of mocks, so I might be sending those back... Thanks for your reply! :)

[quote user1471443411]As others have said, the best outcome would be if your daughter would be willing to sit her exams at her current school (she might be able to get signed off with ill health). If you do decide to home ed her, might school agree to let her sit her exams there anyway?
If you don't think school would agree to any of this, and feel it is in your daughter's best interests to remove her, you could look at taking an extra year for her to sit her GCSEs privately. A lot of home edders only take about five GCSEs (often IGCSEs) but it is very expensive (about £200 per GCSE) and the deadline for entering for this summer is coming up soon.
There is this wiki if you want to know more
he-exams.fandom.com/wiki/HE_Exams_Wiki[/quote]
user1471443411,thanks for your reply and for the link! I've started a conversation with the school about various options. It has transpired that she's also being bullied, and her reactions (middle finger, etc.) get HER into trouble. I've raised that issue with HOY at 5.45AM (!) this morning - I just can't sleep. Wish me luck.

I know this isn’t what you asked, but you mentioned difficulties dealing with stress, not being able to access psychological help and your DD wanting to understand her emotional problems better so I thought it might be worth mentioning. At work we recommend an app called Think Ninja for young people who are struggling (often on the CAMHS waiting list or not quite meeting the criteria but needing support), I wonder if your daughter might be interested in taking a look at it? It’s based on CBT principles and some people find it quite useful.

@clary

OP you don't say why you fear she may be permanently excluded. Is there more to her behaviour than you say? An ED, while distressing and difficult to deal with, would not usually lead to behaviour likely to mean exclusion - schools don't exclude at will.

So are you over-anxious? The kind of behaviours IME that will get you excluded are things like bringing a knife into school or threats to pupils or staff. I wonder if you might be able to think about your DD's behaviour and realise that exclusion is very unlikely - would this help you both to feel a bit less anxious and focus on the way forward?

Clary, thanks so much for your support. There was an incident in December (she brought Cherry Cola with vodka to the premises and got busted - how and why is a totally different story), and she got excluded for 2 days in Jan. She was given to understand that she was on borrowed time. On my insistence (strictly backstage) HOY suggested counselling sessions (we've tried before on several occasions, but she refused to take part), so now we are waiting for that to materialise. The latest several incidents all had the same pattern: someone (refuses to name students - that would be snitching, Mum) calls her names or tells her something nasty - she either reacts (middle finger, shouting, crying and missing part of the lesson), gets into trouble for 'being disrespectful to classmates' - I get a call or an email (please talk to your daughter). That's what made me write here: a constant stream of complaints from school. But yesterday's episode made me join the dots and see that, in essence, she is made to feel guilty for being bullied (I get calls - we have discussions - she feels bad), and I wrote HOY a letter at 5.45 am (!) (sleep's been crap for months anyway, but lately got worse). I do hope they finally listen and do something.

@HomeEdMom

As a PP has said, the deadline is approaching for entries for exams, and you might find it difficult or impossible to find an exam centre for your DD.

It might well be worth you taking her out and planning to do the exams over two sittings -- could even be this June and then Jan next year according to which exams she's taking.

You'll have your work cut out starting from scratch but there is a wealth of info available online and a very helpful group of parents on a groups.io list. See the wiki listed above.

Thanks so much for your reply, HomeEdMom! It is useful to know there might be some flexibility regarding GCSEs. I know a couple of HomeEdders locally, might start making enquiries. But the ideal solution would be, of course, to finish where she is now...

@Wandamakesporridge

I agree an exclusion in Y11 is not that likely unless they do something very serious (drugs, violence). Moving to another school would not work at this stage. Is her behaviour really that bad to get expelled?

Thanks for your reply, Wandamakesporridge! See above my reply to clary...

@Dishevelled09

There is an informative Facebook group called Parenting Mental Health and you might find some recommendations for psychologists regarding EDs plus advice on next steps. It sound like she needs some help to get to the finish line and maybe go to a college which are more understanding but her health is so important.

Fabulous advice, Dishevelled09, thanks so much! I'll be looking into it straight away!

@Howmanysleepsnow

I know this isn’t what you asked, but you mentioned difficulties dealing with stress, not being able to access psychological help and your DD wanting to understand her emotional problems better so I thought it might be worth mentioning. At work we recommend an app called Think Ninja for young people who are struggling (often on the CAMHS waiting list or not quite meeting the criteria but needing support), I wonder if your daughter might be interested in taking a look at it? It’s based on CBT principles and some people find it quite useful.

That's very relevant, Howmanysleepsnow, thanks so much for mentioning it! I'll look into it!

Have you sent the letter to HOY yet, it’s often best to sleep on it and not always send the first draft.

One option the school might be able to agree to is her staying registered but working from home or coming in very part time and home educating what’s left of the syllabus, as long as it is not going to impact on the school and she can still take the exams. If you home Ed, you’ll have to find somewhere for her to take them and pay for them.

You may also be able to get a dr to sign her off on long term sick.

It’s literally 3 months until the exams. Most of the work has been done and DD’s mental health is the most important thing right now.

A friend of mine had similar issues and moved her ds to a private school to repeat year 11. You’re less likely to be able to do that in the state sector though. Could that may be an option?

I’d also ask her to think very carefully about psychology A level, check the syllabus. My dd had issues in yr 11 and 12 is now doing a psychology degree and has found some of the modules triggering even though we are several years down the line now.

Good luck it’s a real minefield these days with mh

I think certainly dropping some subjects might be a way forward for her, as well as trying to get her support if she will agree to it. What we found helpful was not focusing too much on June, as this can feel a long way away but saying things like only 3 weeks until half term, not long until the bank holiday so each bit of school time was less in ds mind. He could manage the thought of only 3 weeks until a break but not I have to keep going until the end of June. Also focus on her doing enough to do what she wants to do next.

My niece is struggling with her mental health at the moment, she is also year 11. Her school have put a variety of things in place:
She can start late/leave early, she can drop a couple of her GCSEs, she can go to the nurture base whenever needed, she has extra time for exams, she can take her exams in a smaller room, she can miss things like assemblies and PSHE.
She is reluctant to do any of these because she doesn’t want to appear different 🙄, but just some ideas of what you could ask the school to put in place.
My sister has decided that my niece will do as many exams as she can manage. If she can’t make an exam they will get a letter from her consultant and her grades will be awarded based on her mock exams/teacher assessment. If her grades aren’t great then they will deal with that later.