Anxious about secondary school

[Moogie246]

DD starts secondary school in September - we were all happy with choice of school and DD is very excited about it at the moment. As was I. Recently a friend of mine has started worrying about bullying at the school as has heard anecdotally about a couple of incidents and as a result has labelled her own daughter a potential victim and is worrying about it to the point of thinking of changing their choice. This school did have a bad rep back in the day but is very much on the turnaround now. I also know that all schools have bullying and it pointless to worry about something that hasn't happened yet. HOWEVER! I have found myself getting really anxious about it and really don't want to pass this on to DD. I'm trying to channel positive stories and sensible advice to friend, but it seems to have made me dwell on it as a result. I know I just have to let DD get on with it and cross that bridge if and when we get to it, but I'm finding myself thinking about it a lot. If friend changes her place it will upset my DD as they have been together since they started primary. Sensible advice to get a grip please?!

First off, it's often not simple to change your secondary place, as you re probably well aware.

A place at any sought-after school would involve going on the waiting list, so I imagine when it shakes down your dd's pal won't move.

I don't like the idea of identifying an 11yo as a potential victim. You need to speak to your dd about the changes with going to secondary (big school, youngest pupils, don't know what to do etc) and try to foster resilience. The primary will do this too, as will the secondary.

There is bullying or the potential in all schools, but how do they deal with it? That's what matters. You liked the school and so does your dd so stick with that and don't worry too much about playground hearsay.

Thanks your advice is what my rational brain is telling me. I think I'm going to speak to my friend about labelling her dd a victim.

I do empathise. My DD is also starting secondary this September.

Since we submitted the preference forms in October, I’ve heard anecdotes about two local secondary schools.

One has a drug problem, apparently. A couple of my friends are sending their DCs to this school, which generally has a good reputation. I’ve chosen not to mention it to my friends as it’s just spreading gossip and might not be true – but it does stab my conscience a little.

The other (the grammar that my DD is hoping to go to) apparently has poor pastoral care, and for this reason a number of Y11s are looking at alternative schools for sixth form. Although the logical side of my brain is saying that this is just the opinion of a small bunch of teenage girls who might be over-dramatising, on the other hand I can’t help but worry that it may be a genuine issue (the school wouldn’t let us visit, so we chose ‘blind’).

I wish nobody had said anything!

As the PP said, your friend is unlikely to be able to switch school very quickly, so try not to worry too much, and keep on with the sensible advice to the friend, especially the advice to keep all worries away from your DDs!

Good luck – I know it’s hard as they step into unknown territory.

Thank you. I'm glad it's not just me. I'd rather not hear anything and just cross bridges when we get to them! Good luck to you too. I keep trying to remember that all of these issues, even if they exist, will only involve a small minority of kids and the lovely majority who just get on with it don't get heard about!