Co-Ed Private / grammar commutable from SE London

[ColaCubesForever]

Currently looking at possibilities for secondary schools for DS (starting in year 7 September 2023). I don’t have much experience of private or grammar schools but want to investigate if it might be the right route for him and was hoping that other lovely mumsnetters might share their experiences and recommendations.

DS is academically able & very musical but gets frustrated when classmates muck around and/or when he can already do the work eg. in maths. I think he would fare better in a co-ed secondary; his current primary class is predominantly boys which he has struggled with and has always had stronger female friendships alongside male friendships. He is having weekly tutoring with a view to applying for grammar and/or private schools, but I’m unsure where and how far away to apply to. Emanuel, Alleyns and St. Dunstan’s are on our radar but I’m not sure what is realistic or suitable? We’re SE5/SE22 borders, are there any co-ed grammars within reasonable travelling distance too? I’m researching & planning on visiting (when possible) but can anyone give me pointers on what to look for?
I should say I know there are some great state schools on our doorstep too, but have big concerns about getting in due to our location (plus like any parent, want to find something that would be a good fit and great opportunities for them).
TIA

No advice but following as we will be looking at similar places

The nearest grammar schools are a bit of a trek I'm afraid. Orpington, Bexley or Sutton (or Kent!) - and all require v high scores in the 11+ - some particularly as you won't be in catchment (eg Bexley, Kent, unsure re Sutton). They are also generally single sex apart from Chislehurst and Sidcup grammar.

The independent schools you mention are probably good to look at. We're a bit further out and looked additionally at the Croydon schools and City of London - but they are all single sex.

Have a look at Sevenoaks School - fully coed, great for academics and music. Lots of kids travel down on the train from SE London. The Kent grammars are sadly mostly single sex (plus as others have said, you'd need a very high score for an out of county place).

I think Bexley GS is also mixed, but based on your approximate location all the Bexley schools are IMO too far for daily commuting.

If as you say you have a weekly tutor, [s]he will probably have loads of good advice on this, far better than you're likely to get on Mumsnet.

Of the three private schools you mention, I don't know St D's at all. Of the other two, Alleyn's to me seems like a much better option given that it's much closer & also academically a lot stronger. Amongst milennials & gen X-ers, Emanuel was sometimes locally referred to as 'the most expensive comprehensive in South London' but I think standards have recently risen quite a bit in line with many other private London schools, a rising tide lifting all boats etc. I personally wouldn't bother sending my kids there unless at least two of the following conditions were satisfied: (a) it was pretty much on my doorstep; (b) I particularly wanted my kids to do some of the extra-curricular stuff they're strong in [e.g. rowing, performing arts, etc]; (c) I for other reasons had an incredibly strong preference for private over state; (d) I was well enough off that the fees would be more or less nothing to me.

Thank you for all the replies. Chalkyc2, itcomesinpints and puffyisgood - huge thank yous for your brilliant suggestions and information. I’ll be taking them forward and hope we can find something.

We’re in SE nearby and thought grammars too far to commute

Dc are at Alleyn’s and we’re happy with it. Dc is musical and academic too and it’s really good at offering both

We also got Charter and found it an incredibly hard decision as older dc there and it’s great

I don’t know Emanuel and St D’s is easier to get in to so could be a back up

If your DS is musical, Trinity in Croydon would be worth a look. It is boys only until 6th form which is co-ed but it attracts all types of boys so I'm sure your DS would find friends.

Alleyns great for music. Kingsdale? Think they have music scholarships.

Another coming on to say Sevenoaks. It’s a doable train journey from where you are.

I have DD and DS at Colfe's, both started in the Junior school with DS now in Senior, we're vey happy with it. If he's musical he will have the option of a music scholarship and they run a school coach from Canary Wharf which might work?

There's also Royal Russell in Croydon although I don't think it's an academic powerhouse.

Have you looked at admissions for Chis and Sid grammar? I have friends in Bromley with 2 of their children there, and they are happy.

It’s Co-Ed, and a grammar - not sure if you have to live within a certain distance. 2 of mine go to the Orpington grammars: St O does not have a ‘catchment’, Newstead says within 9 miles.

Dulwich College or Sevenoaks?

@ColaCubesForever how about looking at destination schools for the leading prep(s) in the target area? You could do worse than start with Bickley Park and see where their boys go for senior school.

For the Bexley grammars including co-Ed Chis n Sid the top 180 scorers are guaranteed a place if they put a Bexley grammar too on their CAF. Otherwise for everyone else a pass mark is set and then it is on distance. Bexley publish a booklet of distances in past years.

@Chilmark79 Dulwich College is all boys

@SouthLondonMommy so it is, my bad. Thanks for pointing this out. I should stick to areas I know better…