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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Should DD2 sit the 11plus

17 replies

Moonpie789 · 05/01/2022 08:26

Looking for advice from other parents with similar experiences.

DD1 is in an independent school since year 7. It is not a hot house, but definitely selective and I know children who haven't passed the exam. It has been a good fit for her and the best option as she didn't get into any of the local good comprehensives in the area. It is a happy school and a has a nice learning atmosphere but they do have a more homework, exams, subjects, sports, activities than the local comprehensives.

DD2 is in year 6, will start year 7 in September. She doesn't love school but is ok to go too; she prefers free time doing things that she enjoys at her own pace, loves going out, relaxing, holidays, art, etc; doesn't like structured clubs/activities where she is told what to do all the time. She is a year behind at school and was given an EHCP towards the end of last year.

DD2 is registered to sit the 11plus at the same school DD1 goes next week. She has always said she doesn't want to go there as there is too much homework, school day is too long, etc; she likes the longer holidays though. We have also chosen a state school with the ECHP that we think she will be happy and supported and has a nice relaxed atmosphere, we don't know yet whether she will be given this school or not, will find out this month.

The state secondary school is in a different borough, 6 miles from where we live and she will have to go by train. The independent school is more local, one bus and she will have more local friends.

Should we get DD2 to sit the 11Plus at the independent school next week, she has a tutor to help her catch up, but has not have much preparation for the exam. The exam may be a bit stressful for her but should she have a got at it? the school is aware of the EHCP.

We want to give DD2 the same opportunity as DD1. DD1 will move to the state sector for Sixth Form. but is this the right school for her?

OP posts:

mdh2020 · 05/01/2022 08:58

We sometimes have to accept that our DC have different needs that are best met by treating them fairly but differently. You say that DD2 has an ECHP. If that is the case then I doubt that the independent school will be right for her. In my experience they say they can meet the child’s needs but in reality , they are set up for it and can’t. We have experienced this twice over. You should concentrate on giving DD2 opportunities that are suitable for her and will enrich her. Don’t try to make her a clone of her older sister.

Original poster

Moonpie789 · 05/01/2022 09:08

Thank you. I do agree with this and this is why we pushed so much for the ECHP; spent lots of time researching the schools to try to find her one where we think she will be happy and supported. We do accept they are both different with different qualities and try to give them the opportunities they want and enjoy.

I guess my only worry is that DD2 doesn't question later own why we paid for DD1 and not her. Also, that the state school is a bit further away and the independent more easy to commute to but there is no guarantee she will pass the exam so why to put her through that with no preparation?

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Imitatingdory · 05/01/2022 14:06

I second not all independent MS being supportive of pupils with SEND.

Not all LAs will come to an arrangement whereby parents pay independent MS fees and they pay for the SEN provision, are you sure your LA will? Some will say the parents are making suitable alternative arrangements so they are relieved of their duties.

It is possible to get an independent MS named in the EHCP so the LA pay for both.

You may be able to get transport to the state school. If you are refused contact SENTAS for help with appealing.

Original poster

Moonpie789 · 05/01/2022 14:13

Thanks. I think the state school will be the best choice for DD2 but we don't know whether the LA is going to name it on the plan or not yet.

I am also slightly worry about not being walking distance. There is no perfect though so maybe is a good idea have a second choice, but there is no much chances of DD2 passing the exam for the independent though; so perhaps we should not put her through that stress.

OP posts:

Africa2go · 05/01/2022 14:15

Going against the grain, I would get her to sit it. If she passes, brilliant, you have another option depending on state school allocation. If you're happy with the state school allocation, then you've not lost anything other than a little bit of stress / exam prep between now and then. If, on the other hand, she (or you) decide that she's caught up a little more / she's put off by the commute etc, you can still take up a place there.

If she doesn't pass, you can rule it out obviously knowing it wasn't going to work for her.

Imitatingdory · 05/01/2022 14:18

With an EHCP unless your preferred school is wholly independent the LA must name your preference unless:

The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

HelloDulling · 05/01/2022 14:21

I would encourage her to sit it, but also remind her (and yourself!) that sitting the exam doesn't mean she has to go there, it's just keeping as many doors open as possible. If they offer her a place, she doesn't have to go, but it's nice to have choices.

Blinkingbatshit · 05/01/2022 14:29

Yep, I agree with the sit it and see approach - that way she may have more options from which she (!) can choose….

LIZS · 05/01/2022 14:36

Agree sit it and see if you get a choice. In the end state may support her better.

FanFckingTastic · 05/01/2022 14:49

OP, if your DD2 has already told you that she doesn't want to go to the 11+ school why would even consider having her sit the 11+ exam? You've already said that the exam will be stressful for her and that the other school will suit her needs and will help her be happy and supported. The 11+ school may be great - but that doesn't mean it's great for DD2.

I have one child in a grammar school and one with additional needs who goes to a local comprehensive. Both of them are in the perfect school for them as the individuals that they are.

Original poster

Moonpie789 · 05/01/2022 16:38

Thanks. As some people have suggested, the reason for getting her to do the exam is jus to have another option, also perhaps the experience may be good for her, and for her to know she has the option

We told her she doesn't need to go to that school if she passes and she doesn't want to and just to have a go a it and do what she can and not to stress about it. I haven't discussed the topic with her since December so will need to remind her and do a bit of preparation ASAP.

OP posts:

Manchester7 · 07/01/2022 07:37

I am with @Africa2go and @HelloDulling here - I think sitting the exam next week makes sense, to keep your options open, especially when the state school is not named in the EHCP yet and you’ve worries about the commute. If you get a place, amazing and a bonus and your DS2 will have a choice. If not, you’ve tried and you’ll know the alternative was definitely the right option for her. You’re already registered for it, she’s already had tutoring and it’s days away. Of course it depends on the school in question but in my experience the exam day itself is not the key stressful experience for children at 11+.

We have a different situation, but some overlaps with you - our DS2 is sitting the 11+ this year and is not as academic as his siblings (his older sister sailed through the 11+ and got multiple offers etc) and he’s got SEN (but no EHCP). We had to weigh in the balance him sitting an exam for a school he almost certainly won’t get (Highgate) along with some more realistic options. The day itself was not a bad experience - he actually quite enjoyed the exam, met some nice kids and got a treat afterwards. We doubt he’ll get through to interview but it was certainly not a scarring experience for him and he was proud of himself for getting through it.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Manchester7 · 07/01/2022 10:56

Sorry, typo, DD2

RedskyThisNight · 07/01/2022 11:59

What are her realistic chances of passing (particularly if she's not done much preparation)? All very well if it gives you another option if she passes, but what if she doesn't? How will failing the exam affect her (even if she didn't even want to go to the school)?

Seeline · 07/01/2022 12:03

She is a year behind at school
She has had little preparation for the exam
She doesn't want to go and you don't think it will suit her.

What advice has the tutor given - do they think she has any chance?

Sounds very unfair on your DD to me.

ChocolateHoneycomb · 07/01/2022 13:13

I think this decision may be made for you by the independent school - they will only offer a place If they want your dd2, I.e. she is up to at least their minimum academic standards and they feel they can meet her needs . Unless it is a school who is struggling to fill their places (round here all independents are full and mostly oversubscribed but not everywhere) they won’t offer a place if they don’t think it is right.

Our DS1 has ASD/dyslexia and DS2 ( as far as we know/can tell) doesn’t. They are at the same school at the moment but are almost certain to go to different schools next as unlikely to suit the same one. I would see what happens then if you have choice go for your gut instinct.

Original poster

Moonpie789 · 07/01/2022 14:22

Thank you for all the comments. I thought about it a lot, read all your comments, spoke to her and she decided to sit the exam, have a go at it. She looses nothing with trying.

I think the experience will be good for her and we already paid for the exam; we have not put pressure on her nor have been coaching her like daily and she is not sitting any other exams.

OP posts:

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