Moving from state to private year 8

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Anyone’s DC experienced this and so you have any advice. Trying to make a very difficult decision for DD who is very unhappy at school. All best efforts on our and her part to improve the situation are unsuccessful. Her mental health and self esteem are suffering, as is her academic attainment.
There are no state options apart from one school very similar in size to the current one, which is an hour away. It is a better school academically and pastorally.
There is a private school that I am considering. With significant sacrifices (more around futures than present), we can afford it. I know that in many ways it will be better. Small classes, academic focus etc. My worry is that the children will be in such established friendship groups that it will be just as hard for her there. I think I’m overthinking and haven’t expressed this to her of course.
Any words of wisdom or advice?
Thank you

@parrotonmyshoulder

I appreciate they’re good at marketing. I literally have no other school options and this one is a good enough fit I think. The issues are no friends and no support from school to facilitate building friendships, poor behaviour that makes her afraid, safeguarding issues that have made her afraid, uninspiring lessons as too much time is taken up dealing with behaviour, insidious bullying preventing engagement in lessons as she doesn’t want to be noticed, no safe/ nice place to go at breaktimes, no support for her minor (ish) SEN… I have sought to address each ans every difficulty repeatedly with the school. I have no ideas left.

Gosh that sounds awful & a far cry from our high that does loads to overcome all these potential issues. High schools really really don't have to be like that. Ours is big & state but also has loads of pastural / enrichment / bonding events etc plus tight but fair discipline

It is awful and I absolutely know all high schools aren’t like this. It’s very unfortunate though, in areas of the UK where there is no choice. If there is only one local (by which I mean within an hour!) state option, then people are stuck with it.
Visiting the small private school tomorrow. I haven’t seen DD this happy in many months.

Hope the new place looks good...

I hope it goes well op - thinking of you

OP I really hope she finds her niche. All children deserve a happy time at school.

I moved one of my DC twice due to bullying/isolation (aspergers). Although the problems slowly resurfaced the benefits were huge, mainly because my DC felt ‘listened to’ by us. So it was very positive despite not fixing the problems ultimately.
Recommend you ask for meeting with their Senco and discuss the strategies they use for struggling girls. Before you join will be the one time when they will bend over backwards for you, so that is the time to negotiate the strategies you think will be of use (quiet space at break time, ‘time out’ card to allow her to walk out of lessons, etc).
FWIW, I think the years 7-9 were the absolute pits for girls - including neurotypical ones. By year 10 girls start being more accepting.

@TheBlessedCheesemaker such good points. I agree exit cards, lunchtime club, pastoral contact point, maybe ask avoid any particular form tutor they have in mind

I meant ask about not ask avoid

Thanks everyone. We can’t actually visit today due to covid, but I’m taking her out of her current school till the end of term now.
Your points above are really helpful. It is such a small school that she thinks she won’t feel as anxious, lost and isolated. She’s already in a much more positive mindset about making new friends. I think, as a PP said, feeling listened to by us and not having to stoically ‘put up with it’ is going to be a really important thing for her right now.

@parrotonmyshoulder from my experience private schools have a fair bit of movement. You know when your child is at the wrong school. We moved one of our dc, albeit from private to private but it was absolutely the right decision and have had no regrets. If they are not happy then change.

Rather than start a new thread about this, I thought I’d ask here as you’ve all been very supportive. Our mind is made up to move. Who should I be informing at the current school? It is enormous (2400) and part of an even bigger academy.
Thanks.

@parrotonmyshoulder - current school - Headteacher or head of admissions also, if there is one as so big a school.
Also, the local authority ed department to inform child will be leaving x school to be attending y school, so they can amend their records - although don’t know if this is true for academy trusts?

Sorry can’t be certain - phone current school and ask for specific guidance?

Yes, sounds sensible, thanks. I’ll wait till next week I think.

The most important thing is to secure the place at the new school.

Wishing every happiness and success! Settling in is likely to take a couple of terms, so one day at a time with lots of support and focussing on the positives.

Good luck to your daughter. I'm sure you won't regret it. 2400 kids is a lot to handle for one school and some children just need a bit more time, space and support. I hope she settles in quickly. We moved from state to private and never regretted it.

Best of luck OP! The state system seems to best suit bright, resilient, self motivated, sociable and confident children and that is a lot to ask of any person let alone a mere child. I think your DD is going to flourish in a cozy, nurturing environment and you are going to feel so much happier too.

Lots of girls joined Autumn term (yr 8) at my daughter's small private. Some at the start, one at half term, one last week and another on a trial day last week. All new girls have been welcomed. It's certainly not a bad time to join most schools. Get settled before choosing GCSE options and saves a year 9 entrance exam that could be competitive.