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Secondary education

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Original poster

"Contributing to school life" vs being a swot/a "sweat"

18 replies

batmanladybird · 15/11/2021 21:20

Y9 Ds is pretty academic. Top set everything and on track for all his targets

Well behaved/ polite
Only 1 detention in y7 for being silly early on.

Praised for his efforts and achievements during online learning

But he has already decided that he doesn't want to join any of the lunchtime
Clubs (parricularly music) because he would rather hang around with his mates in the small amount of time he gets free.

He loves dT and has asked his teacher to put an extra curricular club which is abojt to start so it's not like he's not involved.

His music teacher has written home
About him joining the school orchestra for the instrument he gets tuition at school for and also been disappointed as he was asked to join a performance but didn't get back in time ...

I understand her frustration as he is quite musical but not a prodigy (g4 - at 13- he has been learning for 6/7 years now so this is quite slow I think

How does he answer this?

OP posts:
LivingInABuildingSite · 15/11/2021 21:26

Well my DS (15) is similar. Playing an instrument, lessons, exams, etc. Out side of school.
Refused to join any school music group until somehow they twisted his arm in Y11. He really struggled the first couple of weeks but then it improved and he’s due to take part in his first concert this week (sadly I can’t make it but he says he doesn’t want me there anyway!).

He’s only G4 now so not gifted or anything and does feel a bit inferior to the G8-ers but still seems to enjoy it.

So I would say go for it and try it, better to get the nerves out when you’re younger.

Equally I didn’t push DS and yet somehow he’s still ended up doing it so what do I know?!

Hellocatshome · 15/11/2021 21:39

Well does he want to join the orchestra or not? Extra curricular are not compulsory and they can be disappointed all they want it doesnt mean he should do it if he doesnt want to. My DS is constantly being asked to join various sports teams at school and constantly saying no. He trains for his out of school sport for 2 or 3 hours every weekday and Saturday morning so he has no time. Doesnt stop them asking though.

mellicauli · 15/11/2021 21:43

My son went through this. He fell out of love with the instrument (cello), tried another (piano), stopped doing grades. Now he doesn't play an instrument.

Quite normal for a teen: you start to redefine who you want to be. You want to be around you friends. You have massive FOMO.

If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't be forced into it.

Popfan · 15/11/2021 22:18

I agree, definitely don't make him, spending time with his friends is important and it sounds like he's doing really well. He should just say he hasn't got enough time.

KingFirefly · 15/11/2021 23:07

I don't think it matters if your son is happy and it is a bonus he is sociable. The only things that would cross my mind would be having a hobby/sport can be a big factor in keeping teens on track mental health wise and out of trouble. But if he is the type who isn't in trouble and it sounds like he's perfectly happy and amongst peers who are a good influence, I would leave him be.

It sounds like he enjoys his instrument at his own pace so he is doing something beyond just school and friends.

Of course sport is a good habit for life but most in their 20s nowadays realise this and get running or off to the gym. Schools do a better job now but I remember a PE teacher barking on about sport being essential in life while making us run freezing laps of a netball court favouring the sporty, popular kids- so I don't always think school is the best place to inspire lifelong exercise habits!!

I would pull him up on not responding / politely declining the music teachers previous invite for him to join the orchestra. However, I would not make him join if he is not keen.

BowledOverly · 16/11/2021 07:20

Balance is important.
Let him decide his commitments so that he’s got healthy free time and so that later on he had decent revision space in his schedule. Just because he’s bright doesn’t mean he should get down time to hang with his mates. A hobby for a teen is great, but it only works if they have a desire to do it. Balance is vital.

BowledOverly · 16/11/2021 07:22

*shouldn’t get down time that should say

Placido · 16/11/2021 08:55

How much extra curricular do you do on top of a job? There is so much pressure on young people now to work hard at school, do lots of extra curricular, have good friendships.
Sometimes they just want to be. That't ok too.

lanthanum · 16/11/2021 13:01

In the days of free instrumental lessons, I seem to remember that playing in school ensembles was part of the deal. It's a bit different now that instrumental lessons are paid-for, but on the other hand, the school is still facilitating them happening in school time and on school premises, so it might still be reasonable for them to make participation in ensembles a condition. (Have you checked the contract?) It must be so frustrating when you know there's an orchestra-worth of kids learning, but the orchestra isn't viable because they choose not to come. On the other hand, I do understand your son's position. My daughter was happy to play in the orchestra, but if anyone had tried to insist she played in the jazz band, she hates jazz and would have refused.

HumbugWhale · 16/11/2021 13:11

I don't think he should do it if he really doesn't want to but it might be a good thing to put on future college/university applications I suppose.

Greenmarmalade · 16/11/2021 13:13

He says ‘no thank you- I need time to relax and socialize to have balance. Thank you for the offer.’

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/11/2021 13:17

Unless he wants to do GCSE music...is there any benefit to him? Does he want to?

Not overscheduling yourself is important.

Coughee · 16/11/2021 13:21

I see myself as a facilitator rather than a pushy mum. So personally I would relay the offer and encourage him to have a try but I wouldn't force it and I would absolutely support him if he wants to say no to the orchestra. I think it's great that he is identified what he wants to do and been proactive in trying to get it set up - neither he nor you should feel bad about him not joining other clubs.

Mabelface · 16/11/2021 15:00

This is why I quit playing violin. I was actually pretty good, but preferred fiddle music to classical. That music teacher didn't like me anyway, but it's a real shame that I quit after 4 years of playing.

Fifthtimelucky · 16/11/2021 18:01

Sadly, I think this happens quite frequently - especially with boys and especially with the most 'uncool' instruments. Many teenagers want to spend time with their mates and if their mates aren't in the orchestra they won't want to join either.

It's a real shame because music is much more fun when you are playing it with others.

Original poster
batmanladybird · 17/11/2021 20:28

Thanks to you all for the replies

It's so hard.
I don't know how he should broach it with his teacher

OP posts:
Sparkletree · 17/11/2021 20:36

When I had music tuition during school time part of the agreement was that I had to commit to being in one of the school bands (luckily there were a few more informal ones than the orchestra so I picked one of those and absolutely loved it). Have you checked whether this is the case at your son's school?

BurbageBrook · 17/11/2021 20:37

Just tell his teacher he doesn't want to, I think. Be honest.

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