HELP! How to get a Yr 11 boy to take school work/ homework/ Mocks seriously

[Blewitt]

My DS has ADHD, it's pretty bad and although he's of average intelligence is working around levels 3/4 at school for GCSEs and I feel that might be generous. He just doesn't seem to have any concept of learning or revising and has the attitude that he is doing just fine. He thinks he is a hard worker, even though in Yr 11 he does about an hour of school work outside of school on average over a week.
He cannot make his mind up what he wants to do next year, he wouldn't cope with A levels so we are looking at BTECs at 6th form colleges and I know this would suit him so much better than an academic curriculum. But I don't think he is going to get enough GCSEs to get onto such a course the rate he is going. (Generally 5 passes including Maths and English).
They have mocks in less than 2 weeks and he does about 10 mins on bitesize a day towards them. I have offered to help, go through his homework assignments with him and generally try to be supportive, but he is resistant to any input from me or DH.
He has a tutor for English and Maths and on a one to one he is fine, but he just cannot seem to do it independently at all.
We have recently arranged for a medication increase which should help with day to day at school but I don't know how to get through to him that he needs to actually do work independently if he is to have a chance of success or get onto a course next year. It is so hard to watch him failing when with a bit of effort he could do perfectly well. What if the mocks actually count towards finally marks again?

I'm not going to be much help, but for many BTECs he could start at Level 2, and then progress on to Level 3, taking 3 years over 6th form.

Teenminus, that is a back up option at least.
Thank you.

I don't know how to be much help either, I tried everything to get DS to put some effort into his GCSEs. Nothing I did worked. He didn't want to try.

BUT in the weeks before his results he was nervous. He admitted that he wished he had worked harder, he was so worried. He's now at college and to be honest his work rate has improved dramatically. He does all his homework in college in free periods and has learnt from his mistakes (its not been long granted, but I'm hoping it continues).

I think maybe you have to let him be and hope he learns himself?

Hi Hellohah,
Yes, I think I agree, there is only so much one can do. Although that doesn't mean it feels right of course! Perhaps doing badly in mocks may be the push he needs to realise what needs to be done. I can imagine that once he is at college doing a course he enjoys he will do better and be more motivated, which is why I really want him to do enough to get there!
Thank you for responding.

Hi. I could almost have written this post (Dh probably would and exaggerate ds1's lack of effort!). Personally I think he didn't want to face the extent of work required as it's too much on top of school. He does have adhd diagnosis but received in Y2 and not on medication. He could get 6,7s if he works but is heading for 5s and maybe 4 in chemistry. He promised her would do 1 hr of work or revision per day after half term but we're not there yet, although I'd say he does about 5 hours per week including homework. Part of it is that dh is so on his case, which drives him a bit mad (and in the opposite direction). He wants to do Maths, physics and Product design a levels which he's very unlikely to get the grades for, but seems unable to deal with this. He is totally unrealistic and always leaves things and then stresses himself at the last minute (however much I help him plan out a realistic schedule). I want to leave it up to him, dh has backed off a little bit but it's still nags too much in my opinion. Even if he does pull the required grades due a levels out if the bag, I think he'll hate a levels and worried enjoy a btec far more (ideally t levels but they don't do them in his subject).

I think this year is more stressful for parents to be honest! How much to push and nag? How involved to be in revision? Balancing different ideas from different parents and different cultures. What to do next year and how does that fit into career choices? Etc

Ps. And the Covid schooling really didn't help. He couldn't engage online though he attended everything and school gave zero homework as sent so much online already still he got into bad habits. I think he did more in Y7.

Thanks MerryMarigold,
My DS was the same with the remote learning, he just couldn't really engage with it at all. Mine never gets stressed at all about school. Tests seem to mean absolutely nothing to him. I explain that there will be people who have been revising all half term for mocks and they will be spending a couple of hours preparing for a test, just doesn't phase him in the slightest.
It's good to share at least, even if we can't do anything!

True!! It's great that he doesn't stress, I think positive mental health is now valuable than any grade!! Mine gets very very stressed at the last minute which is so frustrating when he's actually had plenty of time.