Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

Original poster

So fed up with this horrid girl. Just need to rant!

19 replies

smartiejake · 11/12/2007 23:17

DD1 is in year 7 at lovely local independent school 10 min walk away.Lovely teachers, lovely ethos, making good progress but her life is being made a total misery by this one girl in her year who seems intent on making her life a misery. The girl is one of these domineering types who seems to have a large group of girls around her doing her every bidding. Most of the other girls seem to stick with her as she is very unpleasant to those who don't agree with her and if they don't support her she turns on them. DD is one of these kids who doesn't follow the crowd for the sake of an easy life and she is so unhappy I just don't know what to do. We have contacted the school twice about this and to be fair they have dealt with it welll and promptly. But the solutions seem to be really short lived and she is now saying that there is no point in telling anyone as nothing works long term. She recieved a really horible text message from this girl this evening.
Problem is that the girls DD likes have known this girl for a long time (as they have been in the junior school together) and where ever they are this girl is too. She went to bed tonight saying she wished she didn't have to wake up. I just don't know what to do next.
Would be grateful of any advice

OP posts:

themoon66 · 11/12/2007 23:25

Secondary school can be a nightmare I found, especially for girls. My DD suffered for the first couple of years too. She found her own friends in the end and when GCSE options were chosen, this girl did totally different options and their paths just sort of stopped crossing. DD also took up karate, which improved her confidence no end.

another thing my DD found helpful was for us to do a bit of role play at home. She would be the 'nasty girl' and I would be her. Then we would swap. She learned how to come back at the 'bitch' with clever answers and know when to walk away.

Have you tried posting in 'teenage' threads? Loads of experienced mums there with secondary school DCs.

ggirlsbells · 11/12/2007 23:28

your poor dd

Firstly-yr 7 is a crap yr for girls ime.They are all sussing out friendship groups and they will be chopping and changing for a little while yet.

I think you should make an appointment with teacher or head of yr,whoever is in charge of your dd's pastoral care.

The school needs to know how upsetting this is for your dd.I wouldn't be shy about telling them exactly what you've posted here.

It's awful to know your child is unhappy-truly heartbreaking.
My dd went through some hard times at the beginning of senior school.I kept reminding her to remember how it feels to be treated like that so she knows not to behave like that herself one day.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 11/12/2007 23:28

How on earth did this girl have her number to text?

Surely the text is evidence of further bullying, and as such, more serious action can be taken? (I've noted that police have acted in the past on text message type bullying)

twinsetandpearls · 11/12/2007 23:37

You are right ggirlsbells I am a head of year 7 and the girls are driving me bonkers, always felling out.

crimblemint · 11/12/2007 23:40

Sending a threatening text would be beyond acceptable at my ds independant school.

Ask for the schools bullying policy and ask for a mediated meeting including the school and the other girls parents. We had to gently insist that our school follow their own policy to the letter.

At our school, after two instances of going on a weeks report, you are expelled. Knowing the the young man in question was on his second episode of report really made my son feel like he didn't have to take any crap.

Since the latest show-down my ds hasn't had any bother and is seen as a bit of a hero. Lesser mortals follow the herd, it takes real bravery to say 'No!' and to insist that the school follow their own procedure.

Find out what your daughters rights are and tell her. I bet she really isn't the only one dealing with bullying in her year. Knowing that she is supported and in the right will help her no end.

AMerryScot · 12/12/2007 06:41

Sounds like typical Year 7 and 8 stuff, I'm afraid.

When this happens at my school, we use it as an opportunity to emphasise kindness. They get more focus on kindness from their form tutors and in PSHE, but also from subject teachers.

If there is even a hint of unkindness or excluding in my classes, I take charge of the situation and start moving the girls around so that they do have to work with one another. When we are on lunch duty, we really keep an eye on what the Y7s are up to so that we can catch any problem early on.

If I were in your shoes, I would meet with the pastoral head.

IsawKIMIkissingSantaClaus · 12/12/2007 06:58

Smartie my heart goes out to you and your DD.
I think themoon has made some good points, teach your daughter how to deal with nasty people, as people like this girl do not change.
Also talk again with the school and see what they can do to help, I do feel school is an evil soul destroying place sometimes.

We had a chap at DS1 school come out and ask DH and I for money so as not to hurt DS1, I pointed out not only was he not getting any money, if he touched DS1 again he would get the slapping of his life off of me. (and before you all jump on me YES I meant it)
Had a meeting with the year head and told her that this was just not on.

Original poster

smartiejake · 12/12/2007 07:32

The thing is that she is usually a confident and bubbly girl with lots of friends and interests away from school. It's just this one girl who is causing the problems.
I will see the form tutor again but as I said before it doesn't seem to have any long term effects.

OP posts:

IsawKIMIkissingSantaClaus · 12/12/2007 07:46

At primary school DS1 was bullied by one boy for 4 years, it got to the point where I had the boy, his dad and his uncle arrested, (yes I had a "child" arrested).

It is one of the worst things as a parent to watch someone hurt your child, DS1 has lost confidence in himeself.
He has some lovely friends though but just seems to lock himself in to his own world, it is sad.

My advice to any parent who has a child being bullied is do EVERYTHING you can to stop it and to make your child safe.

mylittleponey · 12/12/2007 08:02

show the text message to the head teacher - if your dd is saying she wished she wouldn't wake up keep her at home until the school takes action to prevent this other girl from causing your dd this much distress. You pay for the school & money talks.

themoon66 · 12/12/2007 09:35

IsawKIMIkissingSantaClaus at someone coming round to you as demanding protection money!

seeker · 13/12/2007 13:16

Sending a threatening text would be beyond aceptable in any school, regardless of sector!

ANd they haven't dealt with it well if it's still going on. I would take the text straight to the Head. And my advice would be the same whatever sort of school it was.

Saturn74 · 13/12/2007 13:23

The text was sent outside school hours.
So I would be going round to the child's house, and showing the text to her parents.
I agree with Seeker - school have not dealt with this situation well, because it is still going on.
Do not let school sweep this under the carpet.
Write a formal letter to the Head, outlining what has happened so far, and asking for a meeting asap.
This girl needs 'hitting where it hurts' ie: no school clubs, not allowed to hang around with her friends etc until she can behave herself.
Your poor DD - I hope this gets sorted soon.

slug · 13/12/2007 13:27

First things first. Save the text, it is evidence.

Secondly get a hold of your school's anti bullying policy. They have to have one and make it avaliable to parents when requested.

Next, make an appointment with the head to discuss the bullying, taking the text message with you and a diary of any other incidents.

Yes it is fairly normal behaviour for girls of that age, but that not means it is acceptable behaviour.

sparkybabe · 13/12/2007 13:31

My ds1 was bullied within 10 days of starting senior school, by boys he had known in juniors. The school told us that they couldn't do anything as it hppened on the way in and out of school, ie out of school hours and offf the premises. It got to the stage that one of ds's friends was actually mugged in the street. When dh and this boys dad went to the school the boys were called inand the 'mugger' still had the stolen items in his pocket! Since they were called in confronted it has stopped the bullying (I think)
My ds2 starts there in september abnd I am absolutely dreading it.

contentiouscat · 13/12/2007 13:33

Save the text and take it into school, bullying needs to be dealt with by the school and the person bullying needs to learn how to behave in a socially acceptable way.

Ubergeekian · 15/12/2007 11:16

Call the police and give them the text message as evidence.

calamari · 18/12/2007 11:55

I'd say that, too...take the text into school and ask them to deal with it. And talk to your daughter about whom she gives her mobile phone number to.

critterjitter · 20/12/2007 21:13

Book an appt. to see the Head. You've already been in contact with them twice about this with no tangible results, so it should be taken to the top. Save the text and take it in to show him/her. I would also change her mobile number and monitor her internet use and emails at home (this could be another way of getting to your DD). Ask the school to do this too (her school email).

Can the school implement a kind of informal buddy system for your daughter whereby an older pupil checks on your daughter at regular intervals? Its surprising how much respect some of these little Year 7s and 8s (particularly the trouble makers) have for the Year 10 and 11 girls.

I would envisage that most of the bullying takes place outside of lessons ie breaks, lunchtime and after school. In which case, these are the times when she needs to be in the company of (supportive) others. I would get her to enrol in as many lunchtime clubs as possible. I would also ensure that she is dropped off and picked up from school for the time being.

Make sure her teachers (all of them) understand what is going on. They can then ensure that she isn't being seated near them or being placed in groups with them during lessons.

If the school doesn't come down like a ton of bricks on this girl, then I would consider changing schools. No school, however good, is worth a child feeling so desperate and upset.

Flip