Y11 ongoing anxiety and coping with exams

[notanothercheesesandwich]

Does anyone else's DC have anxiety issues and what are school doing to help them cope? My DD has missed lots of Y10 lessons as she can't even get into the classroom. Summer term mocks were a disaster as they made no special provision for her and when she saw she was in a hall with 200 others she ran away - so they excluded her for 2 days. After that she did do a couple in a small room setting or adjoining office which helped. School have said the SENDco is due to go on some training for anxiety management but it isn't until after the mocks! I can't believe this is a new or rare problem though (even if she is a bit more extreme than most), so interested in any experiences or techniques you might have.

Has she seen the GP, and is she getting any help?
School may be unable to provide small rooms without that because it opens a door to other to say they have anxiety issues when they are just a bit anxious. (That's what DD's old school & new college say).

There are Apps that can help (though my DD didn't get on with them).
She has got on well with

• slow steady breathing
• 54321 technique for grounding (5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, ...)
• alphabet listing (eg animals or countries)

I think yoga might help too, and knowing they have revised properly, and not talking to others before or after exams.

It depends whether her anxiety is just around exams or is more debilitating.

Sorry, just saw she is missing lessons too, so not just around exams.

Can your DD verbalise what it is she is anxious about?

DD missed all y11, but is (just about) managing college. One of the things is she was able to choose where she sits in the classroom - for her it is somewhere she can see the teacher well, but that has a good 'escape route' out of class. She would prefer not to have anyone directly behind her or next to her, but it isn't always possible. (Germ related anxiety).

Dd gets a separate room and rest breaks now, but I had to get a GP letter to say it would be beneficial.

I used to invigilate exams. Very common to have a group of girls in a room with different issues. However, it's expensive to do it that way and difficult to room so I think the schools like to get evidence of the problem to save possible costs. Often the exams office request extra time or rest periods for the students, but this has to be applied for in advance from the exam board and it needs to be supported with evidence. You need to approach the school to request a separate or small room.

Thank you for your replies. No official diagnosis as 6 Camhs rejections, even after pediatrician refered to psychologist which then got turned into a camhs referral. Undiagnosed tourettes as Camhs would do the diagnosing. On the ASD assessment pathway but nowhere near assessment, and most professionals have said they don't think it is. Had Ed Psych through s hook in May but quite a wooly report with not much help. It has been gradually getting worse over 5 years. Found out she was put on the SEN register 2 years ago so school have had plenty of time to come up with an action plan. I don't even know what I should be asking for.

Go to the GP and say she’s been struggling with anxiety around exams and ask for a letter recommending a separate room and rest breaks. There may be a charge for the letter.

Without this, school may not allow it. My Dd was under CAMHS, had history of running away at school, had taken overdoses and they still tried to refuse the separate room, until she burst into tears at the door of the exam hall.

The only ongoing help she has is she is now having weekly cbt sessions that started in Sept (unfortunately that was cited as the latest reason to be rejected by camhs as more than one intervention might cause confusion!).

Thank you WhoisRebecca, I will try that. The last GP we saw was fantastic with her and she came out saying she only wanted to see him in the future - amazing as she hates speaking with adults usually.

Why don't you ring the school and speak to the exams officer? They will know the requirements of the school and the exam board more than anyone else.

She doesn't sound too bad at the moment wrt anxiety, and you may find the weekly CBT sessions help a lot.

CAMHS are right about not having clashing interventions.

See if you can get her to identify what it is that makes her anxious about some lessons. Is there any pattern to it?

• same subject / teacher?
• same time of day?
• on days when she has tests?

The grounding and calming techniques I listed above might help whatever, and would be generally useful before exams anyway.

I wonder whether she is so busy holding it all together that sometimes she just gets overwhelmed?

Would you be in a position to consider going privately as there seem to be a few things going on? CAMHS waiting lists are massive.

If it just all feels 'too much' would dropping a subject help?

All schools will have similar guidelines on this and a GP letter should suffice. It shouldn’t be an issue getting one, though it’s not usually an NHS service. My letter cost £21!

Teenminustests I am hopeful that the CBT will help. Although having spoken to the practitioner before half term, she confirmed that they are still building a relationship/trust and she hasn't actually started any techniques with her yet as she is worried about scaring her off - all great but y11 is whizzing by already, (I asked Camhs for a CBT referral in March 2020 when we had an in person assessment).
I will definitely discuss and encourage the grounding techniques with her. She tends to spend much of her day in freeze or flight mode, actually getting her to think about the grounding techniques then will be the hard part. At least she has moved on from the self harm techniques she used before (I hope). From what she has told me she physically struggles to get into the classroom and is caught in a vicious cycle of the more anxious she is the worse her tics get then she is more anxious about going in. We seem to be in a state of firefighting and as we fix issues with one class they flare up with another. Other main causes/reasons for anxiety:

• She struggles with having virtually no friends so no one to go in and be with.
• A few teachers she is fearful will call on her to answer questions (despite having been asked not to).
• Noisy or boisterous lessons especially when made up of 'the popular crowd' (years of bullying have taken their toll.
• Cover teachers as she doesn't think they will understand her circumstances.
• Having missed so much she is very aware of gaps in her knowledge.
• Starting tasks/time set tasks throughout her into a panic. She doesn't know how to start/worries about what to put - ends up not doing it.

She gets cross that people don't recognise how hard and stressful her day is to just be there. Sadly the school system is so geared towards results that it can often ruin the learning experience. She has made massive improvements of at least going to pastoral when experiencing the anxiety whereas previously she would hide/run/escape!!

She is so much happier in the holidays except she hasn't got people to meet up with. I have asked her to leave school and be home educated and we have looked at an alternate school. She wants to stay, partly because she is fearful of change and partly because she actually wants to succeed at school and has ambitions of working in children's social care or SEN.

WhoisRebecca I will definitely follow this up, thank you.

Teen, We asked to drop a subject at the beginning of Sept and have been told that without a diagnosis it isn't possible. Back in the vicious circle of being rejected by Camhs - no diagnosis - no further interventions from school.
I have been told that school shouldn't need a diagnosis if there is evidence of need but other than dropping a subject I don't know what to ask for to help. The SENDco is out of ideas too which is pretty depressing. I am hoping that other parents with children experiencing anxiety might share what their schools have done. Sorry to hear your DD missed so much but glad that college seems to be working better.

Madisonbridges, interesting to hear from the invigilator side. I think I need to get a letter to support this. She currently has 2 walking breaks a day (leaves 10 mins early from lessons for a quick stomp which helps), I hadn't thought about it but if we were able to get seperate provision she could have that incorporated!

I exam invigilate and it's not unusual to have some anxious students. Sometimes they sit at the front or right at the back of a row in a corner out of their normal alphabetically seating so that they have more space around them. They also come into the exam hall first so that they have more time to prepare themselves. We are made aware of these students just to keep an eye on them.

DD is also in the initial phases of CBT, she is only going fortnightly but is finding them exhausting.

I do wonder whether there would be an obvious subject to drop? Is one option subject causing more stress than the others? If she could drop a subject and then use the time saved to help catch up on others would that help her at all?

Are there any sets she could move down / across in to get away from teachers who she finds particularly stressful?

Would dropping sets in science and/or maths to a Foundation level help?

What does she need to get onto her preferred courses next year? Don't let pressure from school to get e.g. 10 GCSEs @ Grade 7 stop her from getting the 5 @ grade 5 needed to move to the next step.

Teen, We asked to drop a subject at the beginning of Sept and have been told that without a diagnosis it isn't possible.

Well that's a load of rubbish. What they mean is they don't want others asking to do the same so they have put a hurdle in place.

Can you write down the issues

• missing lessons (how many per week on average, and on a bad week)
• self harm you mentioned?
• etc

I'm concerned (and guessing you are too) that what might be just manageable now may turn into chaos in Jan or Easter if no intervention.

Something has to give, and it shouldn't be your DD's mental health.

I really have no idea whether this is a good or bad idea, but we are going through the EHCP process for DD right now. I have a feeling it has focused the mind of college a bit. I wonder whether if you looked at an application it might make school more flexible? (First step is to show a) significant needs and b) school isn't meeting them).

My DD was referred to CAMHS May 2020. Just had a call this week saying a further 18 months by which time she will be an adult....

Here is the JCQ guidance for access arrangements. For separate invigilation within the centre an application does not need to be made and no evidence is required. It is absurd for schools to say otherwise, other students aren't your concern. Although, DD may benefit from other access arrangements too such as extra time &/or rest breaks.

Did you challenge the exclusion? That sounds unlawful given her additional needs.

Has DD seen an OT?

If DD is struggling to even make it into lessons this seems a much wider problem than solely exams. Things that may help make school easier for DD are a time out card, noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders, moving lessons 5 minutes early, a quiet room for break/lunch/when needed, use of laptop, copy of notes prior to lesson, prior warning of changes and what they will be covering within lessons. Do school have someone who delivers emotional literacy or social skills interventions? In some areas the autism outreach team will help when a pupil is awaiting assessment.

Applying for an EHCNA is a good idea, IPSEA have a model letter you can use. The threshold for an assessment is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP. If DD is struggling to attend lessons or school in general she meets the threshold. Any other hoop the LA want you to jump through is unlawful. If an assessment is refused appeal. Separate to this, if DD can not attend school the LA must provide medical needs EOTAS tuition.

@Imitatingdory it sounds like my dad’s school have behaved poorly then. They have not supported an EHCP as they said her difficulties were social and she didn’t have a diagnosis yet. Then they asked us to pick her up from school because she was running away and they couldn’t keep her safe. Those things don’t tally up.

Then, despite her being seen by CAMHS, then a private psychiatrist and being on anti depressants with a diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder, they still tried to make her go into the hall for an exam! I had to get the GP letter.

We are now pursuing a private autism diagnosis.

Dd not dad

WhoisRebecca it wouldn't surprise me. Many schools and LAs do act poorly, some unlawfully. You should apply for an EHCNA yourself. A diagnosis is not needed. SEMH difficulties are a type of SEN, and you can get EHCPs for SEMH needs. Although if DD gets an ASD diagnosis that would be the primary need as it is likely the MH difficulties are secondary to the ASD, and if her needs relating to the autism were met the MH difficulties are likely to improve. A good thing about EHCPs is they can include therapies.

One common theme is LAs and schools stating an EHCP won't be given/isn't needed if a child is academically able, which is incorrect. Social and emotional development is just as relevant. I have 2 DC who are academically able with EHCPs, one with SEMH and one with ASD.

Asking you to pick DD up is unlawfully excluding her. Refuse to pick DD up unless you are given formal exclusion paperwork, this will provide you with evidence DD's needs are not being met. Or if DD can't attend school due to her MH medical needs tuition must be provided. Follow up verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail.

Regarding whether or not medical proof is needed to access a smaller venue/rest breaks, if we didn’t require medical
Proof of some sort we would have half the cohort requesting special access arrangements which just isn’t possible (large secondary school).

In the main venue we do our best to create a calm atmosphere and watch out for signs of distress in students. We also place anxious students where they prefer to be in the main hall.

We usually have a smaller venue of up to 16/20 where students with medical issues/ extra time sit their exams.

Although this may not be what you want to hear, exams are stressful for all the children, even if they don’t display any evidence of it. We as adults need to be supporting them all the way through school to build their resilience and normalise the exam process

Chickenkorma64 I completely agree that they are stressful for all which was why I was so surprised that there didn't seem to be levels of strategy to deal with that anxiety. Obviously my daughter has a fairly extreme reaction to stressful situations but they have known this for some time but still seem to be surprised. Ed psych report says that things need to be broken down and explained to her, time constraints need to be avoided where possible, sentence starters etc obviously none of this is available in an exam setting so I would have thought an alternate strategy needs to be worked on. I have spoken with her about techniques I think might help her but a, I'm her mum so what do I know. b) I am not a secondary SEN professional - I can't believe this is that rare there must be some good strategies to help (I don't understand why I am the one looking for them not the school).

To be completely honest I don't care what grades she gets. I used to, she went to secondary with exceeding SAT'S and should have been following level 7-9 pathway, but over the last couple if years I have had to changed my expectations to just hoping she alive by adulthood - it has been a rocky road. I need to reduce the level of stress she faces where possible and some GCSEs would be a bonus.

School anxiety is very common but also very misunderstood.
It is a real and genuine problem and most professionals in my own experience are at a loss on how to deal with it.
The CBT success rates are very low.
Panic and anxiety in young teenagers is difficult for them to manage, their brains are not fully developed, the school environment does not help, zero privacy or the embarrassment of sitting in a special room that only draws more attention to them. The symptoms are horrific, hence the flight or fight instinct kicks in, as in your daughter leaving the premises, that instinct is so deep rooted and primal no amount of tranquilizer s or CBT will make a jot of difference.
You usually find as they become older teenagers are they much able to manage it better.
Not fine at School has very good advice from thousands of parents in same boat. A good book on Panic Attacks is called Dare, can buy it from Amazon, good reviews, also Panic And website very helpful.
Also please remember exams can be taken at any age, A lot of exam centres dotted around the country where they can sit them, or private college, as a private candidate.
Your daughter will be stressing 're her future which only adds to the burden so plenty of loving , encouraging support that you are obviously already giving. Most of these young people are high achievers, over thinkers and they do manage to turn things around. Just takes time. Good luck.

I’m working with about 15 year 11s in my school who all sound very similar to your DD. I’m sorry she’s going through this.

I would push for exam arrangements so she’s in a smaller room, I would push for her to drop a subject and be timetables to go to the library for these extra gaps in her timetable- our schools encourage about 10 of our year 11s to do this and have put extra maths/English/science in place for these times.

Is there a mental health worker in the school? We’ve got 2 full time who’s room is full to the brim daily, kids are suffering:

Ask her tutor to send a reminder to staff not to put DD on the spot, see if they can write a pastoral support plan for her and send it to all staff, I send some out weekly to remind certain teachers 🙄.

She needs to learn coping techniques to manage her anxiety- looks at a website called therapist aid, there’s loads and loads of worksheets on there for anxiety, it’s a great resource.

Encourage her to exercise and have lots of chilled time.

www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/anxiety/adolescents

This is the look for anxiety and teens

There’s a subheading for loads of issues- I use a lot of the anger ones at work