Hi all,first post on here and having genuine mum guilt of am I doing the right thing.
Son is in year 8 and he's had a rubbish start.
His two besties started to isolate and be quite mean to him at the start of the year so he decided to start walking to school on his own.
Things were going ok,it seemed they'd made a clean break and there was no drama.
On Friday I get a phonecall saying he'd been involved in an altercation (ex friend pushing and kicking him in playground),other child sanctioned,my child not and school said he was not to blame. Straight after the fight,it seemed another child (let's call them A) said the ex friend should punch him and DS was pushed by several other children into the school.
This then led to my son refusing to attend school on Monday because he was too terrified child A would punch him. His fear seemed to stem from the fact child A is known to get in fights and is taller than other child.
School dealt with it horrendously when I told them he was too scared to come to school and asked for a meeting, essentially told they had no time to meet with me
He went back yesterday as we only met with them on Weds evening to agree what would happen but has had to go in early,leave early,stay inside for break and lunchtime as hes still too anxious to go outside. He was escorted round school with a staff member. So it's good they're doing something but obviously it's not ideal.
I got a phone call yesterday from a school in a nearby town saying they have a space and he could start in 2 weeks,after half term. The school is head and shoulders above the current one in many regards,results,extra curricular activities,Ofsted,smaller cohort (having been a teacher I do know that doesn't matter much).
His current school is in the middle of a deprived area,again not that that matters,I've worked in schools in similar areas and they don't have the same issues this one seems to have. But I think they seem to have so much to deal with with behaviour and home situations,learning and expectations get pushed to the side. There's a fight pretty much every week my son said,both inside and outside the school - the outside ones have been videoed and sent round on social media,I've seen group chats where there's been discussion of children who should kill themselves,discussion if barcodes on the wrist (self harm),there have been Police called into school for a girl selling vapes and drugs in the toilet (son overheard teachers discussing it) - we do discuss things with him like not believing rumours and only believing stuff you see with your own eyes - but I wouldn't be surprised if children Were being targeted by county lines as there's a lot of vulnerable kids there. I think staff do their best with a difficult situation and the head who seemed to turn it around,left in Sept 2020,just as son started. They also don't set homework in year 7 or 8 and when I asked about this recently as it was only just confirmed that this was the case,there was no reasoning behind it.
So whilst the situation on Friday was sped up the move,I did actually set the wheels in motion in April when I started to get a gut feeling the school wasn't right for him. Tellingly,when we've asked him several times this week,would he rather continue on at this school or go to a new one where he knew no one,he was adamant he wanted to move. He's said this when he was to scared to go in and he's still saying it now after he's gone back and had a good day and felt safe. This is a pretty big statement for a 12 year old,he said he's not worried about making me friends,he said he just wants to go to a school where there are less fights and is in a better area. I think he's just totally fed up of the fights and drama
To be honest,the new school is one I could have only dreamed for him to go to. It's 10 miles away so will be a bit of a logistical nightmare but we could do it.
I'm just having a bit of a wobble. What if he doesn't make friends? What if he struggles with the expectations - I'd imagine homework and behaviour will be a big jump.
Sorry for the long post but I'd love to hear from anyone else who moved their child and it was successful x