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Secondary education

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Original poster

Never gets noticed-what can you do?

15 replies

Poterry · 15/09/2021 19:11

I wonder if anyone has DC whose school experience has been like this and what have you done to help
My DD now starting sixth dorm is a really sweet, quite reserved. pretty stable girl. Her experience throughout school is that she is never really noticed- she works hard, behaves, tries so hard to put herself forward for stuff but never really gets picked by teachers and feels in her words not very visible or appreciated. She doesn’t excel but does well but really wants to feel appreciated for being who she is and more some recognition when she puts herself forward. I have over the years occasionally asked for her to be considered for parts in playa etc where the assumption made by teacher was ghat as she was quiet she wouldn’t be up to it- she always proved them wrong but as she gets older I know I can’t do that a s she needs to find ways herself. What advice does anyone have for her? And have any of your DC had similar experiences of school?

OP posts:
RedskyThisNight · 15/09/2021 20:14

How has she been "putting herself forward"? In DC's school if you tell your tutor you are interested in doing x, they will generally try to make it happen (if it's a case of limited numbers, it's obviously different).

Things like plays are open auditions and everyone who auditions is offered something. If she's interested in drama can she offer to help with lower school shows (say)? My keen but not desperately talented musical DC used to offer to be the runner at the school concerts. Or to turn the accompanist's pages. It just meant his face was known.

Certainly by sixth form level I would expect if she went to her tutor and said "I would like to do xyz" as long as it was something sensible (say, run a club for Year 7), she would be encouraged to pursue it.

Basically in a large secondary school you literally need to put yourself forward. There are too many children and limited opportunities for teachers to go proactively seeking out the quiet ones.

clary · 15/09/2021 20:36

Yes I also wondered what you mean by "never gets picked". Never gets picked for what? I agree, IME if a student puts themselves forward to audition for a play, they will usually be cast in the chorus at very least. Equally, there is usually room in a choir or an orchestra for even the least talented, as long as they are keen.

Or are you thinking about being noticed in lessons? If she puts her hand up to answer questions I am sure that is not ignored. Maybe she just likes to get on with her work in the background - nothing wrong with that.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 15/09/2021 20:38

If she puts her hand up to answer questions I am sure that is not ignored.

This is out of favour, students should be picked at random to answer questions, not through putting their hands up

Anyone who puts their hand up to answer a question will be ignored in any school I have been in in the last 5-10 years

Orangejuicemarathoner · 15/09/2021 20:39

She needs to tell her tutor how she feels.

clary · 15/09/2021 20:47

Yes I agree, I meant if she offers an answer - I was using "put hand up" to mean that - I don't expect sixth formers to put their hands up.

Smartiepants79 · 15/09/2021 20:49

@Orangejuicemarathoner

If she puts her hand up to answer questions I am sure that is not ignored.

This is out of favour, students should be picked at random to answer questions, not through putting their hands up

Anyone who puts their hand up to answer a question will be ignored in any school I have been in in the last 5-10 years

Not my experience of working in education over the last 10 years. It is much encouraged to choose as many different children to respond as possible but children who are enthusiastic and engaged are not being ignored. That is not good practice.
Orangejuicemarathoner · 15/09/2021 21:13

Not my experience of working in education over the last 10 years.
It is much encouraged to choose as many different children to respond as possible but children who are enthusiastic and engaged are not being ignored. That is not good practice.

you are out of step with current thinking

I wouldn't worry. Just carry on as you are and current thinking will come round again - it always does.

Just don't get caught by ofsted in the mean time

RandomComment · 15/09/2021 21:33

What kind of shit practice is that? Ignore students who want to contribute?

Theworldishard · 15/09/2021 21:36

Oh god this was me as a kid. Just blended on, nothing special etc. Horrible looking back.

SethWho · 15/09/2021 21:36

I was pretty much ignored throughout school so I always make an effort to let the quieter ones know they are appreciated.

DocAutumn · 15/09/2021 21:39

So basically teach kids not to be enthusiastic by deliberately ignoring any willingness to participate? Awful!

RedskyThisNight · 15/09/2021 22:12

@RandomComment

What kind of shit practice is that? Ignore students who want to contribute?
It's because in your average class you will get 3 children who want to contribute and 27 who don't. So, as the teacher, you pick someone at random so the quieter ones get a chance to speak, and the keen ones with their hands in the air, don't drown out everyone else.
RandomComment · 15/09/2021 23:56

If you pick someone at random and they don’t know the answer, how does that help?
The skilful teachers are the ones who encourage the quiet ones to speak up but also let the enthusiastic ones to contribute under their control so they don’t dominate the classroom. It is the teacher’s classroom after all.

How and why would you let some kids dominate your classroom to the point that you would have to have that kind of practice?

Ouch44 · 16/09/2021 00:37

I spoke to my Dd form tutor and head of year because she was being sat next to the more disruptive children in class. Covid meant that they didn't change rooms so it was worse as like this for most classes. It was making her even quieter and less likely to contribute. One of her teachers had noticed this which was helpful when speaking to tutor and year head.

I also bribed her with a large chocolate bar for a certain amount of team points. Both seemed to work and her report did say she was contributing more. I was impressed with how school helped to change things. This year she is mostly sat next to friends so hopefully she'll continue to develop her confidence.

Sorry my post is a bit rambly. Half asleep!

Suredsun · 16/09/2021 17:08

Yes OP, mine, same age as yours. She works hard, is kind to classmates and polite to teachers, is in the top third of the class so achieves well (but not brilliantly), always does all the homework she's set and worked incredibly hard to keep on top of things during lockdown, attending every single live lesson (which the vast majority didn't). She doesn't push herself forward though, and sometimes staff barely seem to know who she is, or get her muddled up with others. It really infuriates me, all the opportunities and awards which seem to go to others, with far less commitment and diligence to their schooling than she does. I guess it's a life lesson to learn be a bit pushier?

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