How involved are you in your dc secondary school?

[Stopsnowing]

At the start of year seven I went to a few school parents events to get to know the other parents. Then covid hit. Since then my dc has made the friends she wants. They make their own plans independently of parents. I recently went to a school parent event (social) but did wonder what the point was of making friends with people if my dd wasn’t friends with their children. Or indeed even in their year! I feel I ought to be involved more in school life or is that just something that happens at primary when we bump into each other at the school gate or shepherd them to parties etc? I can’t do pta stuff as that mainly happens in the working day.

I'm not at all and there have never been any parent social events/meet ups. If there is a problem with school work, behaviour etc I will contact school or they contact me other than that the kids just crack on.

No involvement at all here. None is expected at secondary school really. The kids are old enough to make their own friends, and if you want to speak to the parents before allowing them to go to the other child's house then the kids need to swap phone numbers.

We've got a daughter who's just started Year 7 and I looked at the school Facebook group the other day. I was completely baffled by parents asking for copies of school menus, asking where classrooms were, asking for emails addresses of teachers etc. I don't remember my parents paying the slightest bit of attention to me past primary school. I've certainly never heard of secondary school socials aimed at parents?!

Dd is 17 and just started 2nd year of A levels.

I will say absolutely non. Dds has a couple of friends she knew in primary, the rest she met at secondary.

Even the ones from primary I just know to pass the time of day with.

But, to be honest i wasn't overly involved in primary. The mum groups had quite a bit drama. Usually, driven by the fact that they were only friends because they happened to have kids in the same class, rather than because they actually liked eachother.

The vast majority of these groups didn't carry on at secondary. Their kids friendships changed and/or they just organised things themselves.

And I wouldn't have ever gone to a 'meet other parents' social events at secondary school either.

Oh good. I think the covid interlude meant that we kind of went from year 7 enthusiasm to year 9 where parents really aren’t needed at all!

My dd left secondary years ago but I remember one parents social evening in y7....it seems to be some token gesture.

I knew of a handful of mums / dads at secondary but only because we would watch our kids (who were friends) play the same sports for the entirety of their secondary education. I have not seen any of them since dd left but they were nice people to chat to on the sideline. And it was useful at the time as we could share lifts for the kids.

I’ve not been involved at all really, apart from attending a couple of social events, but people didn’t really mix there outside of the group they attended with.

It felt a bit strange at first after being so heavily involved at primary and knowing all of their friends and their families well but it would have seemed odd if I’d tried to muscle in too and it’s all part of becoming more independent in my opinion.

I have friends whose children go to other schools who are more involved though. One is at the local catholic school and they seem to have a lot of events for parents to attend. She seems to attend the school a lot for various reasons, but does tend to mollycoddle her dc more than I do.

The other friends who seem to be quite heavily involved in school and a parents network are those at the local private school. This seems to be like an extension of primary school. I’m not sure how or why it differs though.

Very, but I'm on the PA committee and set up the new Y7 FB page (and class WhatsApp groups for those who wanted to be involved). We raised over 50k in lockdown which I think is testament to how much parents support the school and what it does for their pupils. It is a very strong community and I have made really good friends through my boys, the school and the PA.

I don't get involved in day to day school stuff as I have four children so would lose hours of the day! I am currently spending considerable time helping overanxious parents navigate these early weeks of Y7, but I hope that my gentle messaging of "they have to learn to stand on their own two feet" might start to penetrate soon.....!

I think it depends on the school. I have experience of three schools. Two I have barely met any parents whom I didn't already know except to jostle for position at parents evening and to sit next to at Carol concerts. The other one is something else and being sucked into a vortex of what is the homework for X subject, crowds at the gate on first day, guilt tripping about involvement in PTA and what shall we do for the Christmas meet up. It is early days and I am trying to sit back and try to wait until friendships have settled and then will occasionally meet those parents if dropping off/ picking up from their house. If school 3 was your only experience of secondary then you would think it was like primary.

I go to the relevant meetings (parents' consultations, options days, parents' information evenings) and any musical/drama events the DC are in (which not all DC get involved with). I get in touch when I have concerns or questions.
I don't know any other parents but I didn't really at primary either - only to say hello in the playground.
The main difference is the lack of PTA run events such as discos, fairs etc - which I did volunteer with at primary level.

Like a PP, I'm amazed by how much some parents want to know. Some parents want notes about literally everything - it's not enough for their DC to be told "we have to wear our PE kit in sports day and will be finished 30 minutes earlier" - they expect to get an official letter about it.

There's no Y7 FB page or WhatsApp groups or scheduled social events.

I do a lot for secondary PTA, almost daily activity, actually, and in my spare time not day time. I've got to know staff&parents thru that.

I got to know some staff and parents better thru DC activities: trips, drama, music, DoE. We sat next to HT taking his family for pizza one day, DC were most amused.

I also got to know some of secondary DC's new friend's parents (a little, enough to say hello to).

We live in a Very "small world" place so it's completely normal to notice a teacher pop up on DH's strava network, recognise caretaker volunteering at ParkRun, walk by the math teacher's house or find out your neighbours are grandparents to the head boy , etc.

ps: Agree about how... dependent? some parents are on the school for basic info. Our DC live out of catchment, we knew we had to sort transport (at time there were 3 private scheduled bus services). At Induction Evening, some other parents (neighbours of mine) were pointedly asking school to explain the different private bus services to them (times, prices). This surprised me, school is not responsible !!