Hampton/Reed’s/KGS school for normal people

[Getafuckingdogwalker]

Hello, I am after some advice on the above schools please. All of these schools are possibilities for our son logistically. We know nothing about the private system at all.

Obviously we will look at the schools but just wondering if anyone can offer some advice about which might be the best fit for a normal family. DH and I are working class, went to comps etc. DH earns plenty of money, fees aren’t an issue and we will still have lovely (to us) holidays, but we are a normal family who live in a semi detached house, drive slightly shit cars, no second home, no annual skiing trips etc. We are Jewish but fairly secular.

We are both confident, intelligent people, popular, lots of friends, good jobs, and DS is a bright sporty clever popular boy and I don’t want him or us to feel inferior or less than.

Does anyone have any insight into the culture of these schools as a jumping-off point for my research? Are there any recommendations for other forums or other schools to which may be worth a look?

Thanks so much

You sound a lovely family and would absolutely fit in at Hamptons and KGS - lots and lots of normal families and different kids too. Know less about Reed's but I don't think it should be a bad choice per se either. Bear in mind lots of children get bursaries too so not everyone is rich - far from it, lots of parents making sacrifices to send their children to school.

DD is starting at KGS in a couple of weeks. We've met other parents and kids through picnics over the holidays and it all seems very normal so far. I even commented to DH how much other families seemed like us - two working parents, not living in the big private estates and so on.

We've come from a private primary and were unusual there for not having a huge house and only one working parent. Which was never an issue from a parent perspective, I've made some great friends among the parents, but we did have the odd kid comment on how small our garden was etc. so it's something I was wary of for secondary, but so far so good.

Obviously early days yet, but so far it seems to be very similar families to us - two working parents, not fabulously wealthy and so on. I'm sure there will be some who buck that trend, but we haven't met them yet!

Of your list, I'd be more wary of Reeds. It's a great school, but the fees alone will mean you attract a slightly different demographic. Although that said, the fees fund a charitable status, so you'll probably offset that with people who might not have gone private otherwise...

Thanks for your thoughts! And your kind comment @Coronateachingagain. DS is sports mad so KGS having the facilities off site might be a bit of a drawback. But Hamptons coach is a lot less convenient than our transport options to KGS/Reed’s…..

We are also trying for Tiffin.

I know plenty of people at KGS who the parents come from working class backgrounds, and have worked their way up. If it helps, it is usually their kids that perform the best as they know the importance of hard work and the benefits it reaps. Also don't be put off by the offsite sports facilities, KGS put a massive emphasis on sports so they are really accessable and the facilities are truly amazing.

You'd be fine at any of those schools, not sure what people's Reeds hesitancy is about but I know plenty of families such as yours that go there. They have a significant number of bursary students, more than average. And their sports facilities are exceptional, if that's important to you

All great fits fir your child with the sounds of it. Academically Reed is ‘easier’ to get in to but it’s a firm favourite on the sw London circuit and lots of boys apply there - I know 6 boys going this year and they all applied to Hampton as well but didn’t get in. KGS and hampton more a academic and much tougher to get in to.
Sports wise , Hampton and reeds are a better fit if that’s your thing, with reeds having amazing grounds (and the price tag to match).
Parents at most schools are a mixed bag. I know some very laid back and very alpha parents at all the schools although less so at kgs from my experience

My stepson went to Reeds (now over 30 but doubt its changed much). While he wasn't particularly successful academically there(due to lack of application) he said he thought it was a good school. I went to a state school, my husband private and he was a lawyer, but my own kids went private and there was a broad mix of families - I have yet to come across the 'us' and 'them' attitude people seem to worry about - sure there are groups of people I have nothing in common with but that goes for any school, state or fee paying.
My daughter was offered a sixth form place at KGS, she turned it down because she isn't sporty or outgoing, which is the kind of student I believe it attracts. It would have suited my son but he wouldn't have got in!

Don’t worry. There will be people from working class backgrounds who’ve gone onto earn decent money and are ‘first generation’ fee payers. There are always people who live in standard semis too….some schools will have more than others, but all have some and often more than you’d think because people sacrifice a lot for independent school and lots can’t have the big house and pay the fees.

The main thing I think, is that you move beyond this sense of you being ‘normal people’ and the other parents being somehow different. If you feel different or somehow inferior, or are likely to always notice when people have larger houses or different backgrounds and let it make you feel inferior, you will find it hard and your feelings will be communicated to your kids and they can feel that sense of inferiority too. The question is whether you get your self worth from stuff like house size or it’s within you and less connected to material stuff. Kids and parents do notice briefly things like house or garden size, but what’s important to the vast majority of children and the vast majority if u dependent school parents when they meet people, is if they are friendly and pleasant people. So if you can go into the situation with a sense of self worth about who you are, be friendly and confident and easy to get on with, it will be absolutely fine. If you can go to the bjg houses without feeling awed or invite others to your house without feeling embarrassed, everything is good, but if you feel awkward and out of place, then I think it spoils it for you and affects how you relate to other people.

I think Reeds does have more seriously affluent people. Hampton and KGS probably have a wider range. There are kids on bursaries, some who are extremely rich with wonky 1 parent working and multiple houses, and then lots with 2 hard working parents who are doing their well paid jobs and making sacrifices in other areas to afford the fees for their kids.

Go an visit and go to the autumn open days. Try and chat to some parents whilst you’re there and you will get a feel for other parents there. Another good thing for kids still in primary to do is to join some sports clubs such as rugby or cricket where you often find lots of Prep kids. Again, your kids get a chance to play with some of the kids they might later go to school with and realise kids are just kids playing (if this is potentially an issue for them) and you too get to spend time with the parents and see how it feels.

He will be absolutely fine at Hampton or KGS, I don't know Reeds so well.
As he is very sporty...look into what's on offer in the first couple of years.
ie at Hampton he can do 2 terms of Football and one term of cricket/tennis (doesn't have to do Rugby, but available)
KGS, no Rugby at all...big into their Hockey.
As said Hampton is the more challenging to get an offer.

Does anyone know which schools offer generous bursaries? Praying some do. Hoping for Hampton or Reeds ideally.

We looked at this last year. Reed's has "Foundation Bursaries," underpinned by a charitable trust associated with the school. www.reeds.surrey.sch.uk/635/foundation-applications

I understand these can be fairly generous. However, the scheme is intended to support DC who have pastoral care needs that mean they would benefit from a place at the school, rather than just having a financial need in the family. One of the criteria for the bursaries is that DC:
"Hav[e] lost the support of one or both parents through death, abandonment, mental or physical ill health, separation or divorce."

If that fits your circumstances, then it might be worth checking out the Reed's scheme in more detail.

I know lots of families who send their children to Hampton and KGS. All very normal. A few on our road of very average three/four bed terraced houses.

@lolo99 Quite a few London schools grant 100% bursaries, including those schools that are less demanding to obtain offers. As long as your son does well in the exam and you meet the financial criteria, then you have every chance.

Thank you- fingers crossed. we are applying this year

Best of luck to you and your DS

I lnow only Hampton Boys and it is a wonderful school. Absolutely amazing headteacher. There is a very positive vibe about the school. Not sure about the age of your DS but there is an option of taking 10+ exams with the deferred entrance in Y7. The same entrance point as at 11+ but much easier to pass the exam.

Lovely school as they have great GCSE results but the mental health is solid there as compared to local grammars.

Having said that I would not send my son to boys only school and we are not applying. But to be completely honest it is fab school otherwise.

Bursaries are for the families who would struggle to pay fees. The independent assesors look through bills mortgages and earnings and you really have to have a low earnings to get 100 percent bursary covered. Often it is granted to families with single parent on low salary or a family of refugees with a bright son etc. They look every year through income and if the financial situation has not changed. I believe OP mentioned that her husband can easily afford fees.
If OP's DS is talented then scholarship, percentage discount would be more likely

Someone revived this thread so just thought I’d update to say eventually not to pursue private. We were happy with the state options in the end. DS got a place at Tiffin and starts in September. Good luck @lolo99 with the process!

Of course bursaries are for families who would struggle to pay fees, however the bar, especially in London, is not as low as you make out.
I know of several 100% bursaries given to parents in London day schools who both work and have "ok salaries", but given the cost of living, especially in London, qualify.
Of course partial bursaries are awarded as well, so if you think you might qualify for some support (check their guidance) like Lola, then it is always worth applying.

It is always worth trying- why not? But if somebody has earning as OP say that DH can afford the fee then likelihood of bursary is low.
I am not sure where I specified the bar that you say " not as low as you think" as well am also not sure what you think by " ok salaries".
There are many many applications to bursary Hampton school for boys. There is a limited number of partial bursaries ( 10-30 perc) and there are dozillion applicants by parents with the average salaries who wish who could get it. Equally there are many who have even less. For all those who apply they check mortgage, bills, outgoings, income, what car you drive...they even visit the house to assess the situation.

I live in London.I know Hampton school employees.