About to start year 7?

[Phox]

Thought it might be good to chat all things new starter, plus a distraction from the mess of the end of year 6 - DS effectively had his last day on Friday without knowing, as the call to isolate came over the weekend. So no leavers events or party at least for now. He did manage to get to an induction day for his new secondary school thankfully, which has settled some of his nerves.

Anyone else looking ahead to y7 in September - summer schools, crazy-priced uniforms and ‘they are just too young!!’ panics?

I think it's worth preparing for stepping away from organising things for your child. In my group of primary parents there is one parent who is already trying to takeover everything about / interfering in their child high school transition. Everyone else is preparing their child to stand on their own two feet in all aspects. The school has really stressed this. The kids need to organise themselves. If they don't, they'll enjoy detention lol

That sounds a lot more independent than yr 6 here (many of whom are just beginning to walk home!) But we aren't super urban/that independent would be less usual. Locally at least. Ours had TT rockstars which I think could have been done on a phone maybe but most used laptops/parents computer etc. Never expected to us a phone at all in yr 6 here, but some did get them if they walked home. The switch was moving into yr 7 almost universal!

We are city but family friendly area. Yr6 from all 5 local primaries generally walk to and from school. They all allow it from yr5 and Covid encouraged more to do it as then less parents at the school gates etc.
Phones became normal in Yr5 and defo 6 as a result and for keeping in touch / FaceTiming in periods of home schooling. In the cities SI and time home schooling have prob been more common also. Some kids have had up to 18 weeks at home this school year

See we are in London but honestly the knife crime is an issue, so we know children who are kept in because it simply does not seem safe.

So that is a conundrum. In fact school encouraged children not to walk home along precisely because of crime concerns.

Any tips for that?

Eatenpig I do agree with stepping away from organising stuff for our child, but I feel I still need to keep in touch for the social side of things, but that is partly because there has been the most horrendous anti social behaviour at school.

What I have been doing is arrange some calls with a relative to go through school stuff (when school was on or home learning) and trying very hard not to get that stuff ready for my child.

I also made my own lunch at primary school so want my son to make his own packed lunch too.

@lettucelunch

See we are in London but honestly the knife crime is an issue, so we know children who are kept in because it simply does not seem safe.

So that is a conundrum. In fact school encouraged children not to walk home along precisely because of crime concerns.

Any tips for that?

Thats really scary. It's in our area but not at that level. It's generally the 15-16 year olds

Yes it is a real issue.

My son has a neighbour going to the same school, but this neighbour is the kind of kid who will answer back and I am concerned that he will attract some issues. His friend is very cocky in some ways and completely unaware in other ways.

You have to know how to act around here, to avoid certain people, to always take a route and not take a short cut, not flash your cash or phone, and don't be cheeky and always be alert.

So part of the issue will be ensuring our boy can not be too unduly influenced by his travel partner.

My son has already seen the police helicopter too many times.

It is my main worry, not for while he is at school, but the travel to and from and when he is late due to some extra activity.

My son raises what to do and I just try reassure him it will be ok.

lettuce we are in London too although thankfully there isn't too much knife crime in our part. A couple of years ago my older DD was walking home from school and two boys ran in front of her followed by the boy chasing holding a large knife and she just froze. So no matter how many times you tell them what to do in that moment it can all go.

They have to stick to the main roads, phones in bags, if they are approached they hand over, if they feel threatened they go in the nearest shop and call me. I work in a nearby school so could get there quickly. Shops in our area display stickers in their windows showing they are a safe space if a child feels vulnerable. They hopefully will make friends that can travel some of the route with them but ultimately they have to gain independence and this is all part of it, I don't bat an eyelid now when DD16 is out and about, we all use iPhones so I use Find my iPhone to keep an eye on whereabouts.

Completely agree with getting them into the habit of organising themselves the night before. Also trying to do homework the day they receive it to stop it building up. We've always done that and it works, in the early years it helps to keep weekends free which gives them a nice break.
I work in school finance and I would also say get into the habit of topping up/checking their school accounts at the weekend for the coming week, the amount of kids that come into me and say they have no money on their accounts for lunch.

Couple of other things.
Parents of girls, please send them in with a period pack including sanitary towels. We will happily provide stuff but I know students find it really embarrassing to ask, especially if they are new to school and don't know who to ask.

Your child should have a named form tutor. This is their first port of call if they need help. Same for you, tutor first, then head of year if it needs escalating. Please don't expect this relationship to be the same as their primary school teacher. Primary teachers saw them 5 hours a day, form tutors at our place get 15 mins 4 times a week.

They will probably need a device for homework, whether phone, laptop or tablet.

Get them a casio calculator not just any old scientific one. They're a tenner in morrisons at the moment.

My best tip is to start a non-negotiable shower-in-the-morning routine. That way, by the time they get to the stinky teenage years, they are entirely used to the routine and therefore no negotiations needed.

Do the journey in the holidays until it becomes 2nd nature (something less to stress over)
Prepare them for homework every night and at the weekend - can you set aside an area to keep school books with table space and a socket for laptop?
Decide where PE kit etc is going to live and make sure that's where it ends up.
Pack school bag the night before - print out timesheet and stick on wall near study area.
Encourage and support your child at secondary and try to look at setbacks as learning experiences so they become resilient and prepared for life (... being unfair).
Please don't be that mother that is constantly contacting the school - choose your battles very carefully.
I'm in favour of openly monitoring their smartphone (but some think this is intrusive) and explain about online safety - this will be covered in yr7 - and encourage them to share any friendship concerns with you.
Accept the fact that 99% of their day will now be their business and sometimes you'll just get a grunt when you ask about it! We learned not to pester when they got home but that at bath and bedtimes they were more communicative.

re Organisation.

Some children will be able to pick this up very quickly and happily organise bag and homework without help after a week.

Some children may need more scaffolding all the way to half term.

A few children (who may turn out to have hidden SEN) will need ongoing scaffolding and assistance for a long time. My DD1 who turned out to have a disorganised version of dyspraxia needed help with bag and scheduling homework etc well into y9 and beyond.

re Phones.

Easier to set rules and relax them later than to have a free for all and then impose rules.
A smart phone with things blocked (or you as account holder who has to add password to download apps) is probably 'better' than a brick. Does not need to be new or pricey.

I picked up the following tip before DC1 started secondary. Expect to need to scaffold support more than you have in Y6 (assuming a normal level of independence already), check they have got everything, ask what lessons they’ve got that day so they mentally run through what to expect, make lunches, top up accounts etc. They are working so hard on learning the rules, faces, names, routines, that you need to back off in other areas/reduce the workload if at all possible.

Pencil case for school bag and a separate one for home, so the school one never gets left behind.

For parents: At our school they had to bring in food tech ingredients. Think how they will transport 1 egg or 200ml of milk (I found Sistema pots useful). Also, at our school you sometimes only got 3 days notice of what was required...

DS started Y7 last year and I have DD starting Y7 (at a different school) in September. I also have a DSS in Y12. What I have learnt:

1. As far as DS knows, everyone has a smart phone and uses WhatsApp

1. School bags mustn’t be too large or obviously branded/very expensive or your child will get teased

1. It is important not to look like you are “trying too hard” to be popular. No one can tell me exactly what this means, but apparently it’s important

1. A lot of the girls will change gender in Y7. Apparently this drops off after Y9/10.

1. I told my (naturally prone to disorganised) DS that I was not going to monitor or remind him about his homework. He missed 2 then pulled himself together and manages it himself now. The feedback at parents’ evening was that he organised himself well(!) and that his homework is always to a good standard. It seems benign neglect is a valid parenting strategy here!

My question - DD has to wear a plain white shirt as part of her uniform. All the ones I’ve seen look fairly thin. DD is flat chested but with very obvious and sticky-outy breast buds. She doesn’t want to wear a crop top/vest/bra so they’ll be fairly obvious. Will she be teased if she does this?

We didn't get an induction day yet - that's now going to be on the first day in September, but we do have a meet-up planned via WhatsApp form group, and we'll probably invite the form to ours later in the summer. He hasn't even set foot in the school since 3 years ago when we viewed it for his older brother.

@TheSockMonster

I was going to comment on point number 2 thinking surely you mean the opposite then I noticed point number 4. 😳😳

*2. School bags mustn’t be too large or obviously branded/very expensive or your child will get teased

1. A lot of the girls will change gender in Y7. Apparently this drops off after Y9/10.*

@TheSockMonster I started secondary school in the early 00s, so things may have changed and others may disagree, but one thing I remember is that every girl was wearing a bra when getting changed for PE, and it was just the norm to wear one, so I'm afraid your DD may stand out for not wearing one. It was quite a contrast from Year 6 for me when only a handful were wearing them.

SockMonster I'd be tempted to insist on a crop top.

Definitely crop top. Lots of arguments that it shouldn't be necessary etc however they will all have something and you wouldn't want her to be left out. Quite a few wear vest tops.

Parents of girls, please send them in with a period pack including sanitary towels. We will happily provide stuff but I know students find it really embarrassing to ask, especially if they are new to school and don't know who to ask.

In the school where I work, all the female toilets, staff included, have boxes of sanitary towels in every cubical. But I expect this is rare.

Thank you! I will gently push her towards wearing a crop top. She’s quite sensitive and would be mortified if anyone said anything!

@RevolvingPivot

I have no idea where the bag thing comes from, but no less than 3 different teens from 3 different schools told us that before DS started last year, then he confirmed it is indeed the case! Apparently obviously designer or obviously expensive bags are “trying too hard” (see point #3) and too big is “just cringe”

The gender changing thing seems to be mostly limited to names and pronouns (I was surprised to see one of the transboys in DS’s form still wears a skirt). According to DSS only those who are serious about it continue past Y9/10. Prepare for a confusing year of learning and re-learning names though!