Any GCSE history teachers about?

[Alsoplayspiccolo]

DS loves history and is doing well in it - level 8 in his end of year 10 exams.
However, his teacher has said that he needs to use a more academic tone when writing.
Can anyone shed some light on what that means, please?
(DS is in top set for English, working at a 9 in language, if that's in any way relevant).

Can you read and tell from what he's written ?

I'm not a History teacher but in English there are a few things we advise to create a more objective academic tone in analysis:

1. Lose the first person: not ' I believe, I think etc but the statement as fact such as 'Conspicuous consumption was a clear factor that led to the Great Depression,' ( I'm making the history up!)
2. More conceptualised expression: not 'X was a weak, indecisive leader' but X's leadership was characterised by weakness and indecision' - this often means converting adjectives to abstract nouns.
3. Generally a more formal tone: no contractions 'didn't' etc and no emotive punctuation such as ! Emotive language also has a limited place in academic writing where evidence is used to persuade, not rhetoric.

That’s really helpful, thanks , smoothbananagram.
I suspect DS is guilty of some, if not all of your points; he’s enthusiastic about history and I wonder if he writes about it in the same way as he chats about it.

Probably means he is too colloquial in his writing……uses slang expressions/idioms rather than formal writing style. Some students can write rather conversationally rather than formally.

Looking at the textbook and seeing how things are expressed can help or it is likely he has model answers of high scoring essays and might be able to spot the more formal style there too.

Thanks helpful thread

His work needs to be balanced and organised too.

The introduction should say what the work is going to be about. Eg 'This essay is going to look at how the character of… Influence his decisions in… War'

Each paragraph should make a point with evidence in the form of a quote or finding and each paragraph should finally conclude and link back to the question. Referencing is important if he has taken something from a book either a quote or paraphrased.

After a few paragraphs arguing either side of the point, a well balanced conclusion should be drawn.

Definitely avoid first person, strong judgements without evidence, opinions without evidence, one-sided essays - even if he has a strong opinion it needs to be balanced. Academic writing is not about your sons personality and enthusiasm but about providing a balanced and informed piece of writing.