school anxiety

[shellstarbarley]

My DD is suffering from really bad school anxiety in the mornings. It all started about 5 weeks ago when she had her mock exams. She had a panic attack when she walked into the hall, she almost fainted and was almost sick outside the hall - when she actually sat down to the exam she forgot everything she had revised and totally messed up the exam. School were wonderful and were fantastic with her before each exam after this and I managed to get her in to school each day even though she was being physically sick each morning. Wednesday morning the anxiety came back again she literally could not get out of bed and when she did she had diarrhoea so
I kept her off school but then the anxiety was even worse thurs and fri and diarrhoea again, but I then knew it was anxiety based and nothing else. She wakes up feeling stressed so she feels sick so she refuses to eat or drink anything. But now the exams are over she doesn't know why she feels like this. Once we get her into school and she is her first lesson she says the whole feeling disappears but she then starts worrying about 2pm about being ill and feeling sick the next morning and spends the next evening worrying. School think it is a combination of lockdown, friendship isssues, and pressure to do well. Up until the day of the panic attack in the hall she has loved school. I am not sure whether it is better to get her up an hour earlier than normal so she has the time to get ready without being stressed or literally get her up and out without any time to spare so she can't think about it. She hasn't eaten breakfast for 5 weeks, and she says she cannot open her mouth to get food or drink down her. I know there is only just over a week of term left but I am sure if we don't crack it now it will come back next year which is yr 11 and a very important year!! Just wondered if anyone elses child has suffered with this and how they overcame it. Many thanks.

Op i would take her to the GP, they may refer her to CAMHS if therapy would help. They may also be able to eliminate any physical reason.

First, I'm not the best person to answer this, but didn't want you to be left by yourself. You may find it helpful to search similar threads in www.mumsnet.com/Talk/child_adolescent_mental_health

I think you are doing the right thing by getting her in each day. My DD was getting anxious prior to lockdown 1, and we never did get her back to school...

I have just attended part 1 of an online workshop on anxiety by this person www.lorrainelee.org/ which explained about what is happening. Part 2 is on Monday (practical steps, but you are meant to have done part1 first). Anyway she said she is going to make a version aimed directly at children which it may be worth you looking out for.

It's all part of instinctive fight or flight response, exercise can help at the time. There are mindfulness things she can do which also may help.

I’m really sorry she’s going through this.

I do have experience as my daughter has gone through something similar, albeit it started when she was younger.

To be honest there weren’t and aren’t any quick fixes.

Start the ball rolling now on all the things that will take a while to put into place. Access CAMHs via the GP AND school. Get any school counselling or school nurse help you can.

At the same time look into mindfulness and breathing. Sounds woo but it’s helped my dd.

Talk to your dd and explain that the physical symptoms are very real but caused my her emotions, it’s fight or flight.

With my DD it helped to get her into school a bit later than everyone else but collect her after hdd as LG an hour. This increased every day.

I’d like DD to have a lesson leaving pass and a break out room to go to but that’s not available at the moment. It’s worth asking the school though.

Rescue Remedy and sucking ginger tablets or drinking ginger tea.

A good mind trick is to do the 5,4,3,2,1 Senses game. Name 5 thinks you can smell right now, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can see, 2 things you can hear and 1thing you can taste.

Don’t worry about breakfast but provide cereal bars, croissants and juice for break time.

I’m sorry you’re DD is going through this. Hopefully this will bump you’re thread and you’ll get some better answers.

I feel sorry for both of you. What you are describing is not unusual and while it must be very hard right now I think this can be fixed. The summer break will hopefully help reset the situation and if your summer goes well, dd gets lots of rest, fun and confidence building, she might be a different girl by September. How old is she? Exam nerves are very common. I'm a grown woman with a long career and when I did my MSc a few years back (my second may I add) I had horrible anxiety and thought I wasn't going to be able to actually sit the exam.
What might help:

• Reassure her, this too shall pass. It's a phase, could be hormones, could be a growth sport or a mix of everything.

• The last 18 month have been traumatising for many people. Even if they didn't suffer any obvious hardship. Our nervous systems are on fight or fight 24/7 so any small thing that gets added and that normally wouldn't stress us too much, has the potential to tip people over.

• Get her a reflective journal. This one looks ok, but research them a bit. Enter anxiety journals into Amazon and find something that dd might relate to. this looks nice www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Journal-Teens-Practice-Positive/dp/B08YJ2VL9N/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=anxiety+journals+for+teens&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1625941860&sr=8-5

• Sit down and identify what the subjects are that make her feel insecure.

• Get her a tutor if you can afford it. The more confident she is academically the less the exams will frighten her. Having a really good tutor that can help with exam techniques would be useful.

• Make sure her diet and exercise are ok, lots of fresh air, less mindless screen time.

• Just be there for her. If you can access a private CBT counsellor or clinical psychologist, that might be very helpful. I'd stay away from so called life coaches and DIY therapists.

@TeenMinusTests, thank you for sharing the link to www.lorrainelee.org, it sounds really good.

I’ve got some suggestions from our wonderful GP.

Try and take short breaks in your day and breathe. When done right this can really help. Every couple of hours, stop what you're doing and do one minute of slow, quiet deep breathing. You'll be amazed at the results. Your breathing should be very slow, silent, and through your nose. Push your stomach out when you inhale and let it deflate as you exhale.

www.nhs.uk/apps-library/category/mental-health/

Sorry, forgot the above.

Don’t be too sure that the anxiety will disappear by itself. We found that even though the triggers for it had gone her body was holding onto the memory of it. Any time she got any adrenaline, even if it was something nice like a party she was going to, she’d go back into stomach ache and anxiety

We were told that it’s important to not avoid things. Easier said than done but worth remembering. Obviously we’d never make an ill child do something but it helped us to think “she’s going to do this” so we could get her calm, change times, amend journeys, to get her to the “thing”.

It won't solve anything, but it might be worth talking to someone at school before they break up about the return in September - I suspect it might be helpful for her to go in for half an hour on the teacher training day at the start of term, just so she's done the first hurdle once before the first day of lessons.

In the meantime, I hope you can find some professional help for her.

That’s a good idea Ian. DD has the contact of her fabulous TA who she can get in touch with just before term starts.

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions. She went in fine this morning. She had a very late night because of the football and I was expecting a bad morning but funnily enough she ate breakfast and went to school fine. She had a session with the school counsellor today who I must admit is fantastic with it all.. All the teachers and pastoral staff are so understanding and when I spoke to the counsellor today she said if I can get her into school, even if it is late they will work through the anxiety when she is there and the worst thing I can do is keep her off.... however she is now stressing about tomorrow already and worrying about how she will feel when she wakes up because she has an exam. Hopefully after tomorrow the pressure will be off a bit. She is struggling with friendships too as most of her friends like to go out drinking and smoking and hanging out loitering for hours - she is quite happy shopping for a few hours or watching a film with a friends but apparently these are activities that the year 8's do!! So all in all she is having to deal with exam stress, friendship issues and just general growing up and I think all of this was supressed for 18 months due to covid.

Can she see the school counsellor?
School need to make reasonable adjustments - get a formal anxiety/panic diagnosis from GP, get on waiting list for CAMHS.
Reasonable adjustments, e.g. sitting exams in separate room, not having to go to assembly, somewhere safe to go at lunch.

Well done to your DS @shellstarbarley

I’m also pleased to hear that you r got a supportive school. That’s worth its weight in gold.

It sounds like she needs some help dealing with the intrusive thoughts. Some new friends may be nice too.