Please help-I left school at 16, need to help my daughter do better than I did.

[gingganggooleywotsit]

As the title says, I left school after GCSEs, in my 40s now. Managed to do quite well with work and now live in quite an affluent area with my daughter who is 14. She struggles at school just like I did, and is surrounded by friends that are super clever with educated parents. I actually suspect she and I both have adhd but struggling to get a diagnosis through cahms. I had a very hectic upbringing and my family didn’t encourage me at school. Anyway to cut a long story short, I have no idea how to help my daughter revise properly for her year 9 end of year exams. I tend to just leave her to it, thinking she knows what she’s doing but she came to me last night saying she’s stupid, there’s something wrong with her brain, she can’t remember anything. I went through her books with her but the science was so hard for me to understand. I don’t know how to help her! Even set up a study schedule. Any advice?

Loads! I’ll come back later to post some concrete help.

As a starting point, see if you can find out which exam boards and exams your dd school use and which ones she is doing.

Bets ways to revise are active methods.
So not just 'looking at her books' but

• writing revision cards or mind maps of key things
• trying to reproduce them
• you testing her on her cards, the ones she can do, fine, the ones she can't you read out the info she repeats it back to you. do another card, then go back to the previous one.
• for maths learn formulae and do practice questions

Get the CGP guides for the GCSE subjects. Seneca online learning is also good.

Revision schedule is a bit trial and error.
Sit down with her and ask what needs to be revised for each subject by topic. Estimate time for each topic. Add up all the totals and see how to fit that in to her existing life. 30mins max per session then a break, and repeat. Each session to have a focus - learn X theme for Macbeth, revise causes of 2nd World War.
Sit with her if needed.

Thank you! I appreciate this so much.

I bought so many revision guides, workbooks for DD. And hardly touched them tbh. Best things we did for gcse mocks that could help you are:

• Get the syllabus from each exam and go through this as this focuses the topics.
• Get child to write notes or flash cards on these topics. These can be used night before.
• Utilise you tube. There are some fantastic lessons out there. Especially for the sciences. Look up freesciencelessons- he's excellent at explaining concepts. Some videos from others walk through past exam papers
• Does school use any resources for learning they have subscribed to, tap into those too
• Practice past exam papers. This is key.

I upped my printing subscription to print lots of papers and also topic guides. There's a site www.physicsandmathstutor.com/ that has great mind maps and revision sheets and flash cards. So I helped my DD in terms of giving resources and emailing her links to videos I thought were useful. Also went through a timetable of what to study according to her exam schedule. Generally just asked if she needed anything while revising and being around. It's tough. What I'd like to do and haven't done yet is get her to write out the important equations that she needs to know off by heart and put them around her room - just glancing at them might subliminaly go into her consciousness 🙂

These are all good. I'd add that if she is learning a language, labelling things in that language around the house helps a lot.

I can’t tell you how helpful all these suggestions are, I just feel so ignorant sometimes and don’t want history to repeat itself! Would the school give me the CGP guides etc

and the syllabus

You don't need the syllabus (imo)
Our school sells CGP guides at a reduced price from buying online and I think pupils on PP may get them for free.
Also study guides for the English set texts will be helpful.
Otherwise if you have charity shops with book sections have a look there (but make sure you know which exam board is needed for each subject it was probably on her GCSE options info). Between now and early Sept would be a good time to look as current y11s have a clear out.
The science ones in particular are v.useful.

Try contacting her form tutor or head of year. I know we would be absolutely delighted to support a parent who genuinely wanted to help their child succeed. If you could speak to the SENCO they may be able to help with assessing your daughter for ADHD. I know schools can feel intimidating if you struggled with your own education but we really do just want to help. They would also be able to advise on the best revision guides for different subjects. Good luck!

There are better resources now. I failed two core subjects as they're considered in ireland, maths and irish because the teachers didnt bother with me, but my dd 18 has just done her final exams and she used extra tutorials available on line for 60 per year. Studyclix. There were tutorials on youtube for higher level maths too. Lots of analyses of plays, books and poems on grade saver.

It's so different now. They aren't solely reliant on the teacher. The teacher is just one piece of the puzzle now.

Bbcbitesize and Seneca learning are good to get an understanding of a topic, if she’s struggling with the basics.
Lots and lots on YouTube. You can search for any topic and there’ll be a good clip to explain it.

Going forwards, keep on top of the work. Have a timetable of a subject a day just to spend a few minutes recapping what was learnt, looking at the resources suggested if it’s confusing and this will make it easier when it comes to revision.

@gingganggooleywotsit by being supportive and caring you are already on track to give your daughter a better experience than you had. Let her know you're by her side and maybe that would like to learn along with her. If she understands something, and you don't, ask her to explain it to you, because that will help her confidence. If neither of you understand it, look it up on BBC Bitesize or Oak Academy or another age-appropriate resource. If necessary, look it up in more than one place. If you're still not getting it, try asking here on Mumsnet - we might be able to explain it in a different way or point you to a better online explanation. Revision skills vary from person to person - she does need to find what works for her - but mostly it's just reading, understanding and practicing. And don't forget you can reach out to your child's teachers too, if she needs more support. Most important, don't talk yourself down - if your child hears you do that it will impact her confidence - if she thinks she is genetically inclined to fail, why should she try to succeed? Celebrate every small success to build her up.

My DD's school does spend quite a bit of time on study methods so the pupils can find the best one for them. Flashcards, BBC Bitesize, mind maps - that sort of thing, because we all learn differently.

My DD quite likes reading a book so we have some CGP guides for subjects, others find it easier to do a quiz on Quizlet or something set online say on Seneca. Like your DD, mine is just coming to the end of Year 9, good luck with the exams OP.

Providing a home where she has space to work and a clear routine for doing homework and revision, make a big difference. Equally, having boundaries about being out in the week or how late she can be out at weekends helps too. Going to parents’ evenings, reading all the emails and info sent by school and going to Options evenings will all help you be more informed. Reading the threads on MN about education and the A level choices process/ uni applications can all help fill the gaps you might have from not having been to uni yourself. If you know other parents who know this stuff or who are teachers, ask them about the key things you should know.

Be careful with choosing A Levels and degree subjects or uni. Ensure your DD (if she is an able student) gets advice about the best ones to pick to keep doors of opportunity open to the next stage. Not all subjects or courses or destinations are equal.

Going to visit unis or looking at online open days can really raise aspiration. Meeting some slightly older kids who’ve gone, from a similar background can really help too.

It’s all about raising aspiration in my book. Have a look at uni websites or ask school about if there are any schemes that she can access as a child whose parents haven’t been to uni….they all have access schemes to widen participation and are crying out for kids like your DD to go on them. Honestly, they can make all the difference because once a teen has seen a uni and gone round and chatted to some students like themselves, it seems within reach and as if it’s for ‘people like me’ as well as for those from more privileged backgrounds.

Thank you this is amazing advice.

CAHMS won't have time unless you're literally on the bridge ready to jump. So stretched and underfunded.

OK, so it's not a one chance thing, for a start! If she fucks it up, she can go again. And again. And wait til she's older if it helps. Life's long. Just as we tell parents that "they'll do it when they're ready", so with exams. And direction. Don't stress. My DH is 45 and worked in sales all his life and about to start a nursing degree. There's just no need to worry. Xx xx

Don't forget good food, exercise and relaxation - all help memory.

Y9, you have time and she seems keen to try, that’s most of the battle.
I have 3ds all v different, one needed no help, just an occasional pep talk. One needed more scaffolding, didn’t seem to know how to revise, made a timetable split into 30 min/45 min sessions from the Xmas of y11. He seemed to panic because he didn’t know what to do and it paralysed him. It’s a bit early yet but in y11 past papers are good, they don’t have to do a whole one in one go, work on one for 20 mins, then mark it , then revise anything they got wrong, could be a 25min session could be an hour. Gets them used to the mark schemes.
I have a y9 who is much less academic, we’ve just signed him up to Tassomai, for science, maths &english, it’s a daily system with multiple choice questions tailored to them, it takes between 10-20 mins a day, costs about £45 a month. They do it on their phone. Ds2 school signed the year group up in first lockdown and I was impressed. I’m hoping it’ll be a good format for ds3. I’m bribing him to do it and hoping that if we get the content in the exam technique can be worked on in y11. There is a lot of content to learn in GCSEs, this amount can seem unsurmountable to a child, a small daily target can stave off panic.

She’s already ahead, a mum who cares and is interested and a child who wants to do well. She’ll be fine. Good luck!